How can I break up with my boyfriend without him always trying to fix it?

[FlowerM12345]

I've been with this guy for over 3 years and i can honestly say that i love the guy but he is showing no growth and no responsibility. He got fired from a job that was so good for him to grow in. and haven't been able to find another one. hes just been applying to agencies and letting them do the work. He went back to live with his mom after renting a room from his cousins place. it didnt work out cuz he was not working. I always tell him that he needs to look for a job by himself but he keeps saying "oh the agency called and i MIGHT have a job tomorrow" but that never happens. Im so sick and tired of my always being the one who he comes to like if im his mother. So long story short, He does not work, he lives with his mom, he doesnt get out of the house unless he is at his friends house doing idk what or my house just playing video games. I can not count how many times ive been trying to break up with him but somehow he always finds a way to keep me.. I WANT OUT!

[dominosarah]

He doesnt have to be responsible as all of you are taking care of him.   He obviously knows how to play the game.  Once you have had enough you will take back your power and no longer let him control your thinking.  I hope you come to this realization soon before he drags you down.

[FlowerM12345]

Thank you so much.

[specialmom]

Ah, I'm sorry this is going on.  Remember that the reason we date is to judge if we want more with someone or to take it further and ultimately make it a forever relationship.  Many---  MOST don't stand up to that and the aren't meant to.  We are supposed to weed people out so that we find the best partner for life for ourselves.  I agree that this doesn't sound like your best partner for life. :>((  You can still love someone while knowing they aren't the best match for you. And you shouldn't feel guilty.  After all, this is YOUR life!  You are going to have to be honest that his choices in life, his lifestyle overall are not something you are interested in anymore. Tel him at HIS house with his mom home (one time THAT comes in handy) and then leave.  Be done with it.  You're going places in life.  He's not.  Then don't date anymore for a while so you can just kind of heal and get over this properly.  But be firm about it. You do not see a future with him and in fact don't WANT a future with him.  You could take anything of his that you have over to him when you do it and grab what is yours on your way out.  But just do it.  Rip the band aid off because the longer you wait, the more time you waste.  hugs, it's hard but the right thing to do.

[FlowerM12345]

I love this advise thank you very much

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, you've got to understand that you can't control him. You should know this because you can't make him look for a job. It stands to reason that you have to let go of the myth that somehow you (who has not been able to control his actions regarding getting a job) also cannot control whether he tries to get you back if you want out. So what, though? It's kind of freeing to give up the illusion that you can control things like this. It's not your problem if he behaves this way. What you can control is you. Your own actions are entirely under your control completely. Soooo --
The problem is all inside your head
I say to you
The answer is easy if you
know just what to do
I'd like to help you in your struggle
to be through

[Chorus 1]
There must be fifty ways
to leave your lover

I say it's really not my habit
to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
won't be lost or misconstrued
I'll suggest this
at the risk of being rude

[Chorus 1]
There must be fifty ways
to leave your lover

You just put his stuff in a pack or sack
Make a new plan, Anne
Don't need to be coy, Joy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, no fuss
You don't need to discuss much
Just get back the key, Cherie
And get yourself free

Slip him out the back, or pack
Make a new plan, Anne
Don't need to be coy, Joy
Just listen to me
Change the locks, Socks
Don't need to discuss much
Just get back your key, Cherie
And get yourself free

Sorry to be flip. But you know he is never going to want to leave the shelter of Mommy, and if you be Mommy you aren't going to have a satisfying life with a responsible, grown-up man. Give the guy his walking papers and say bye.

[FlowerM12345]

Thank you for your advise its very helpful