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Avatar universal

How can we get past this bathroom block?

I've been with my husband for 2 1/2 years and neither of us can poop if we're even in the same building as one another. I've always been a private pooper...I don't do it in public. But I've lived with past partners and have stayed in hotel rooms and it was never a big deal. My husband has lived with past partners as well and been in hotel rooms and it was never an issue. So now he poops at work instead of at his house if I'm there ( oddly enough we don't live together). I think it's really weird he's rather do it at work in a bathroom of his peers than at home privately because I, his wife, is there. Weekends? We just don't go at all. Vacations? We don't go at all. Is this normal? I never had issues like this with past live in partners and I can't see how we could live together if home would then be a permanent poop free zone! He can just go in public at work but I can't!

-poopless weekends
6 Responses
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495284 tn?1333894042
*more going on*
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
Here is my thoughts on this pooping thing..........I believe you 2 have bigger issues than this but you both focus on it so it takes the spotlight off what is really going on.  Your married and dont live together due to custody agreements you said.  I have a feeling there is more going.......
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow thanks for the input. I was starting to think I was crazy. I've mentioned before to him like "hey don't you think it's weird that you don't go on weekends? Is it because I'm here??" And he brushes it off and makes me feel like I'm weird or sick for asking. Like..."why you notice that? Why are you thinking about it? Please stop obsessing over my bathroom habits. It's weird." I think it's far more weird to not be able to discuss it. But started questioning myself. Like maybe he's right that some things should be kept completely private. But I fight with myself then like.... Why should anything between a married couple be private? Like, going totally can be, but discussing why neither of us will when together is a perfectly acceptable conversation to have and not weird or sick or creepy, right???
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I'd ask myself what I have to lose if I decide no longer to be married (or so-called married -- you're not living together and are afraid to poop when he is in the house, what kind of married is that). Why did you think this was OK? Are you that worried about the future that you will take whatever prohibitions come along and decide you are in the wrong? Come on, get real. This guy has a quirk. Whether or not it will get worse, it is bad enough now. It is affecting your life (separate houses would be the first thing I'd wonder about, frankly) and it doesn't sound like there is much desire on his part to be with you. Please think about getting out before things get quite strung out. Don't spend one more moment trying to assign blame (is it me? it's him, right?) and just plan to make things work or get out.
134578 tn?1693250592
Your body locks up and you don't poop all weekend? Please look up encopresis, you could be giving yourself a distended colon.

A poster wrote once who had a husband who told her that if she used the bathroom in the house he would divorce her, and said she was supposed to go to the convenience store down the street. This is how weird these poop prohibitions can get. If you can't break the ice about it and end this self-imposed taboo and just poop whenever you need to poop, you will let this rule your life and probably harm your health, and of course your mental health too (anxiety is not a good thing in a marriage). It sounds like you two should look at going to a therapist together to talk about this, and if he won't go, frankly I don't see what kind of marriage this really is or that it's worth a lot of effort to save. It sounds like his poop prohibition is stronger than his desire to have a wife.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Completely agree.
Here is the other post, about the woman whose husband basically told her she could not poop or pee in the house. https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Abuse-Support/Husband-says-hell-leave/show/2922832?page=2&li_source=LI&li_medium=default-widget-bot
Avatar universal
No, it's not normal. It is also not normal living separately if you're married. Getting married means legally committing  to another person forever (or at least as long as possible), which includes cohabition. If you didn't want to live together why marry? Having kids from first marriage sounds more like an excuse that an actual reason.
I always found these "no poop" situations weird and I think they stem from potty training at young age.  You should be able to be intimate at every aspect of your lives. You already saw him naked (I hope) and so did he see you. Is he aware that when he poops in the bathroom there are doors separating the two of you? Also when he poops at work or wherever there are people in that building aswell? Saying he's more comfortable around his peers than you is a red flag so huge that it can be seen from the moon. From how you present the situation it sounds as if you ran into this marriage without too much thinking and without knowing the person thoroughly.  You two don't seem really close and that pooping situation does sound weird at all. I wouldn't be able to stand someone who can make me keep it in throughout the vacation (?!) let alone to marry him. It happened to me many times that I really have to go while my husband is showering. Or that I really need to ask him something while he's on the toilet, so I go in and ask. These poop taboos are so weird especially since pooping is body reflex which is compulsory to normal life and shouldn't be suppressed cause of a whim. When you wanna go, you go.
I would suggest you start using the bathroom when he is there and not give a crap. If he says "did you go?" you say yes. If he overreacts tell him he's insane and should see a shrink.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Hmm maybe I didn't describe it quite right. It's not that either of us doesn't allow the other to go. But him being super weird about it around me has created anxiety in me over it. He doesn't make me hold it or anything weird like that. My body locks up because I know he wouldn't around me so I don't around him.
That still does not address everything else I wrote. Also have either of you been sick? Or had diarrhea so they HAD to go? In two and a half years it sounds to me almost impossible that both of you had to hold it in and not go, and was never in such situation as I mentioned. Or it just means you didn't spend enough time around each other which is yet another alarming fact.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Why don't you live together if you are married? No, this all doesn't sound normal to me but it's your normal so who am I to judge, right?  We close the door when we 'go' and the other just goes and does their own thing during that time.  That's life.  Ha, wait until you have a child and have to change 2 million poopy diapers.  I'd just say no and not do this anymore.  Take a poop on a weekend even if you have to take a laxative to do it just so you can START.  And then maybe he will be more willing and able.  But you two are super formal and not very intimate it sounds. Let the poop bonding start with your own efforts to move past this.  Do you have plans to live together at any time in the near future?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Formal is a good word to describe us. We each have our own kids which is actually why we don't live together (two custody agreements to work with, what a pain).  No, as of yet no plans to live together. I just don't get it. Neither of us has had these problems before. Well, I haven't. He says he hasn't but he's not open to talking to me about it even. The few times I've tried to ask about it he's gotten really weird and tells me I'm weird. But he did ask me one time about how things were with me and my long time ex that I lived with for 7 years. I told him the truth. It was never a big deal. It wasn't even weird for us to use the toilet while the other one showered if need be. We weren't like exhibitionists or weird about it... But.. It's human. We do it every day if we're healthy. My partner would be the person I would think I would be most comfortable around. I guess it's also hurtful to me that he's more comfortable around his peers at work than his own wife. Is that weird??
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