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How do I change my boyfriends prospective of my attitude?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 26 so he indentifies himself as emotionally and all around more mature than me. When we first started dating I use to yell, need to have the last word, be right every time and the fight had to be finished when I was understood. Now I have noticed my flaws and drop most arguments, speak calmly and do my best to use smart words and also apologize and let him know I need to also understand you. So now when disagreements happen or whatever it may be he right away jumps to a dramatic old me way of fighting . I have explained to him “I’m bringing this up calmly and I just want to know why , I’m not even mad” something along those lines and try to calm him down Bc he thinks I’m trying to control the situation in a negative way instead of a communication to build a better understanding and relationship for us. How can I really get him to know I don’t want the drama...?
2 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
It might take a while, if he has a picture of your old way of fighting in his mind. He might be hearing what you are saying as critical even if you are saying it in a calm tone of voice. And it might not be as calm as you think it is, either. Just turning down the volume doesn't turn down the intention behind the words, and you might not have changed quite as much as you think. (I mean, look at your post's title. You are still trying to control him, it's just that now what you want to control is his 'perspective of your attitude.' Only when you give up wanting to control things about him, will you probably change how you come at him. At least, enough to make him believe it.)
2 Comments
Thank you I completely hear out what your saying . I just want you to know I’m not looking to control I just don’t get how I can get him to see that’s not the drama I’m intending. I just want tips of how I can portray that ??
You can 'get someone to see' something by demonstrating it time and time again. It might take lots of demonstrations before he stops reacting to the old, emotional attacks that he still hears in his head.
Avatar universal
It can take a while for you to reshape his vision of you just stay consistent and keep doing what you’re doing!
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