How long should I hang in there

[spinnergirl]

I have been dating a great guy for 7 months.  He is still legally married, seperated for a year.  His ex gets 1200 a month alimony and 1100 in child support, virtually leaving him penniless.  He gave her the house and all of the contents.  He has no money for attorney but I have encouraged him to fight her.  She has an education and can get a job.  Giving her the house seems like enough, why should she also get alimony?  There is no end in sight.  He hsa no money to put gas in his car, let alone take me to dinner.   Of course I am not with him for what he can buy me, but I don't see things getting better.  What kind of life can we have?  She calls all the time and until recently used their son as a weapon.  Not letting him see him if I was around?  How long should I hang in there hoping that things will change?  

[SaraB1]

Hang in there. Great guys are hard to find these days. I'm going through a similar situation...boyfriend is legally separated and actually finally hoping to finalize the divorce this week. He too is paying a ton of alimony and child support as well as left the ex the house and the contents in it. His ex also tried to use the kids against him to get extra money as he was nothing but a meal ticket to her. Luckily he has a pretty decent job so he's not exactly penniless but she definitely gets more than he brings home. As for her not letting him see his son if you're around, he should get a formal custody agreement in place. Again, my BF's ex tried the same tactic but hers was money motivated not b/c of me. You may be a really important support system for him so if you don't think you can handle what is sure to be a future full of some possible hardships and an annoying ex, you should consider leaving him before he is really depending on you emotionally and could end up hurting both of you more as a result. Good luck.

[jo929]

his ex and the children will be in his life untill they are 21 and maybe longer, and it sounds like he better not have any more kids because he cant support a wife let alone more kids, i would say this is one tough place to be in, and i would never marry a man that had small children, because they will take up most of his time and money if you want him looks like you will have to support him, and what if you get sick, later there will be hard feelings on both sides   luck   jo

[mami1323]

So basically he began a serious relationship with you for only 3 months after he separated from his wife and child and you wonder why she is bitter.  I have shoes that are older than the time it took for him to move on with another woman.  It's not that easy for a woman to just up and get a job to support the house and the child.  So I understand that you want her to just get over it but emotions are high and it's not going to be that easy.  If he wants to fight her, let it come from him.  Who are you to push him to fight?  It's not your battle, it's his.  So if he's unhappy with his current situation, then he has to change it on his own.  It's not your place, stay out of the situation with his wife.  His child is his responsibility for 21 years and although his wife chooses not to get a job than he's got to be the one to force the issue in court.  That goes for visitation rights as well.

[Judy246]

You are both committing adultery, because he is still legally married. Once he get's a divorce then I will be able to give you good advice, because right now, you are the other woman with absolutely no right to her issues. Judy