confused

[losinmymind]

Idk if I'm in the right forum for this but at the beginning of dec I found out my bf of 3 1/2 yrs cheated on me (again) but this chick is now jus about 16 weeks pregnant she swears its his child. They had sex on sept 29th & her due date is June 22nd how likely is he the father. N futher more how can I fix this pain I'm losing my mind. It hurts so bad. I cant tell any of my friends bc of the shame I feel. He has no children I have two. We were planning to get pregnant this yr. He apologizes but he also tryin to stay in good wit her in case he is the father wht do I do. I kno pain but none like this one. I cld move forward if I at least new how likely he is the father. He says he wore a condom she says he did not. Although she is a complete psycho. She has known him since high school says she is in love wen I kno they only tlkd a few weeks. She says she wants to fight for her family n she wants to b wit him.

[Vance2335]

"We were planning to get pregnant this yr." Do not get pregnant. If you want a child with him then why not wait and get married?

[MONROE84]

Hi, I'm so sorry that this happened to you :-(. I really feel your pain. As far as this goes he's gonna reap what he sow. You shouldn't be going crazy over someone who says he loves you,And furthermore he shouldn't be trying so hard to stay on her good side if you're who he wants to be with then he knows how to bring the 2 of you together and let her know where she stands with him. If he's apologizing  to you then he should be able to make a decision on where he wants to be. Please don't beat yourself up about what he did. I'm sure that you're a beautiful  young lady that deserves way better than him.. PRAY  TO GOD that matters get better with time..

[specialmom]

He needs to say to her in front of you that he is in love with his wife.  That there is no hope of every being together.  He doesn't love her and never will and he loves YOU.  And that he hopes to have a baby with you soon (whether true or not),.  That once the baby is born, he'll want a DNA test and go from there but until then, he's not convinced the baby is his.  Should it be his, he will then want visitation in his home that includes YOU being there because you are his wife.  And so she can contact him when the baby is born and he is ready to do the DNA test.

I mean, really.  That is what he has to say to her for you to hear.

and counseling sounds like a great idea.  

[losinmymind]

He has told her I've heard him tell her he has no obligation to her only the baby if its his. She texts him every other day. She wants him to go to dr appts. He refuses. She tells him its his n he cant have it around me. I think I need counseling rather we r together or not. I feel like I cant breathe.

[specialmom]

Ugh, very sorry about this situation.  Based on the info you provided of Sept 29th and 16 weeks, it is very possible that he could be the father hon.  He needs to do a DNA test.  He wants to stay in her good graces so why exactly/  He had a one night stand with her??  He can demand a DNA test legally which establishes paternity and his parental rights regardless of her attitude.  He can take her to court for things like visitation/ custody/ etc. but he will also pay child support for 18 years.  

he wouldn't leave you to be with her if he knows the baby is his, would he?  

I'm just confused.  

But anyway, he does  not need to stay in her good graces or have anything to do with her.  he can take her to court for access to the baby.  

HE needs to tell her very plainly that he will be requiring a DNA test upon the baby's birth. and if the baby is his, then he will do the right thing for the baby which does NOT include anything related to her or being together.  He needs to set her straight immediately on that.  That he'll pay child support and get to know his child but he is not ever going to be with her or date her again.  He is with someone that he loves and will be loyal to from now on (we hope).  She has nothing to fight for because he is taken and already had a chance with her and knows he doesn't want to be with her.  

So, he needs to be brutally honest without fear of consequences.  he can have legal rights to the baby regardless of if she is happy or not.  But if he isn't straight forward with her, he is leading her on and she'll keep up with the trying to be with him stuff.  

and you two need to do some counseling to figure out WHY this happened and how you can move on with all the hurt you must feel.  good luck