Hubby signing up for "sex sites"

[drmwvrjean]

wow, i don't even know where to begin....

i have "discovered" that my dh is signing up for personal sites...sex sites to be exact.  the type of sites where men/women are seeking sexual partners, sexual chatting, etc.  

i am currently 6 months pregnant and we have a combined total of 5 children.  things have been very, very stressful in not only our relationship, but our lives (loss of employment, a car accident, worrying about providing for our kids etc.) and our sex life has not been the greatest....we have sex on an average 1-2 a week and that has gone down from 1-3 times a day.  i do try and make him happy in this area, although the hormones and pregnancy have really slowed down my libido!

anywho, we had a huge argument about 3 months ago and that is the time when i first discovered him signing up for sites...i confronted him on it and he said that he didn't even remember signing up...the night he did he had been in a drunken stupor (which is true) and he said he was really sorry for what he did, etc. etc. etc.  

fast forward to this afternoon...i was looking in our history for a cooking site that i had forgotten the address for and in doing so, i found links to sexual personal sites....curiosity got the best of me and i went and checked it out...he has ALL his info. on there including age, birthdate, location, interests, etc.  on marital status he put "i will tell you later"

i don't get it...i know our sex life hasn't been the greatest lately, but why would he do this?!?  i know it has a lot to do with my hormones, etc., but i DO try....i know sex and intimacy have a lot to do with a healthy marriage, that's why i still try at least a couple of times a week.  i don't know, just confused and lost and need some advice.  thanks for your input!  

[heatherlynn22]

i didn't know where i would go either. then i remembered...my mom. i knew that she supported me in every decision i'd ever made and she'd help me if i did leave. do you have a relative close to you that you'd be able to stay with to get it through his head you're serious about his problem? or even going to a hotel for a few nights just so he knows that you're taking this seriously and he needs to stop.

it was hard for me to make that decision to leave. i debated and fought with myself for a good 2 hours over what to do. i finally realized that if i'm miserable and unhappy it's going to affect my children so....i was leaving. i'm glad he has since decided that his family was more important then the websites.

[drmwvrjean]

hello and thanks so much for your advice and comments...it's greatly appreciated!!  :)

we have tried the counseling avenue, with a professional (until we lost our insurance due to loss of employment) and with the pastor at our church.  he was raised VERY strict christian, and i thought it might help from a spiritual standpoint, and it seemed to for awhile.  

i admire you for taking a stand like you did!!  all i have done is threaten to leave, and then the kids and i drove around for awhile, etc.  so it never really stuck that i was serious, i guess.  i would love to do what you did, but i don't know where i could go?!?  

thanks again for the advice and support!!  :)

[heatherlynn22]

perhaps suggesting couples counseling?

my dh was signing up for the sex sites also (we had a bit of a falling out in december) and it was one of the few times i confronted him. i think what made him realize i was serious about him either stopping with sex sites and working on our marriage or loosing his family was the night i found out he was still doing it (and had put on one of the sites "looking for someone to have secret relationship with") i packed up all of my stuff, the kids stuff AND the cat. put everything in our suv and was actually pulling out of our parking lot and leaving when he came home from the store. he blocked me in. i refused to unload the kids, cat or myself. he went inside found my wedding band and engagement ring sitting on the computer desk, sex site on the screen set on his profile and a note. when i did finally get out of the passport and we went into the house it was a blow out. i told him either he straightened up and quit with the porn and sex sites, cheating (if he was i wasn't 100% sure if he was physically cheating on me or not) or he could kiss his family good bye. he tried the intimidation thing. (getting in my face, threatening me and what not) but that didn't work. i stood my ground and told him to go ahead and hit me...more cause for my grounds to get full custody of our children. by the end of our fight he was on his knees in tears. we both admitted we needed to work on our relationship and how we acted/treated each other and we have. we're now very happy and have since been communicating our thoughts and feelings better but sometimes it takes that breaking point. stand your ground. pull up the sites (or print out his profiles if he has multiples) throw them in his face and demand answers.