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I am afraid to tell men I have bipolar and PTSD
I would like to be in a loving relationship with a man but when I told a couple men I met that I have PTSD, and Bipolar I never heard from them again. I felt hurt and rejected. I do not want to live the rest of my life alone but I am terrified that I will be. Who wants a broken woman is how I see it now. I am on meds that keep me stable, the combination is working well. I need some advice please
A friend of mine who has bipolar met her husband in group therapy. I don't remember what his issues were (not bipolar, I don't think) but they have been a happy pair for a long time. My guess is that since they both know the so-called 'worst' about each other, they just went on from there. For what it's worth! :)
The honest truth is the right man will come along for you. You are not broken we all have our flaws. My mom is bi-polar, and I believe she suffers from PTSD (she was abused when she was younger). However, her and my dad meant. They were friends at first and now they have been married happily for over 30 yrs.
If I was you I would keep trying, dont give up and dont beat yourself up over what the few bad guys have done.
When you get to know a guy enjoy your time with them at first, and only open up to them when you have become comfortable with them. This will allow them to get to know you for the person you are rather then the dxs you have. Continue to manage the conditions and believe that you are worthy of love.
The right guy will come along and that guy will love you for who you are. They will help you when times get rough and be the one who picks you up when you are down.
The guys who have found out in the past and left you. They were not worthy of you, and it was probably in your best interest that they did leave you. They were the ones that were flawed.
Hope this helps...sending you my best wishes.
If I was you I would keep trying, dont give up and dont beat yourself up over what the few bad guys have done.
When you get to know a guy enjoy your time with them at first, and only open up to them when you have become comfortable with them. This will allow them to get to know you for the person you are rather then the dxs you have. Continue to manage the conditions and believe that you are worthy of love.
The right guy will come along and that guy will love you for who you are. They will help you when times get rough and be the one who picks you up when you are down.
The guys who have found out in the past and left you. They were not worthy of you, and it was probably in your best interest that they did leave you. They were the ones that were flawed.
Hope this helps...sending you my best wishes.
I think it would be OK to let a relationship develop for a while before making any confessions. When you do get to “exchanging confessions” you might avoid the diagnostic labels and just talk about your traumatic experience. He will likely brush the story aside, but over time you can refer to it and elaborate on how you are handling it, even ask for help. At some stage you can get into “does it bother you that I” and you will perhaps be surprised by the reply. Nothing venture, nothing gain.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ah, sweetie. First, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us. I send you big hugs for even having to post this. But I want you to know something . . . mental health and issues with it is very common. You aren't alone. There is a statistic in the United States that one in every four adults is being treated for something mental health related. So so many people battle this. And mental health is like any other health condition. Like diabetes, like arthritis, etc. Please look at it that way!
When do you tell men about your health, by the way? I wouldn't think you need to disclose anything up front or early. Once they are intertwined with you and the relationship is going, they can know.
Do you treat your disorders? That's really key. They are manageable even if it takes work, medication, seeing therapists. Staying on top of that makes this less and less of an issue, right?
Anyway, just know we are here for you and we think you are great! hugs
When do you tell men about your health, by the way? I wouldn't think you need to disclose anything up front or early. Once they are intertwined with you and the relationship is going, they can know.
Do you treat your disorders? That's really key. They are manageable even if it takes work, medication, seeing therapists. Staying on top of that makes this less and less of an issue, right?
Anyway, just know we are here for you and we think you are great! hugs
We all have things we don't want to tell people, and things that others may say, "I'm sorry, but this isn't for me" when we do share it.
My first question would be is how are you telling them? The way you explain this matters. I answer a lot of questions in the STD forums, and I always tell people to be factual, make sure you have information handy if people want it, and to leave words like "terrible", "horrible", "awful", and in your case, I'd add "broken", out of it.
If you see yourself as "broken", and I'm sorry that you do, then others will see you as broken. If you see yourself as a survivor (and if you have PTSD, you are a survivor of something traumatic, which makes you strong), and a fighter, then others will see you that way.
Tell a guy that you're managing it, with meds and/or therapy - whatever your treatment plan is at that time, or that you recognize when you need therapy, or whatever it is for you - and you're in a good place. I'm assuming you aren't new to either diagnosis, so you recognize the signs of any setbacks or triggers, and have good coping skills in place. Tell a guy that.
My next question is when are you telling them? I think some things need to be told sooner rather than later - like an STD diagnosis if you are going to be sexually active - but other things, like maybe this - can wait until you know someone better, and it can be something that comes up in conversation as you get to know each other, and learn if you can trust someone.
Remember that the guys you are dating have crap they don't want you to know, too. They may have a criminal record, bad credit, a spotty job history, still live with their parents, may still let his mother buy his clothes and wash his clothes, may have an STD, have a terrible driving history, etc. None of these things make him a bad person, but he may be worried you think they make him a bad partner.
Be careful with what you tell yourself. You aren't "broken". You are living each day, triumphing. I have PTSD, and I know how hard it can be. Whatever it is you've been through, and you certainly don't need to share that, you are overcoming it, one day at a time. We don't "get over" it, we get through it.
If you are feeling broken, maybe now is a good time to call your therapist, if you have one. If you don't, it may be a good time to get one. Sometimes we need what I call "therapy booster shots" - just a few visits to get us back on track.
Dating is hard, whether you have a mental illness, an STD, bad credit or none of those things. It will take time and some trial and error with some men who aren't right for you to find the man who is. That's the same for most everyone. It's okay. Don't look at every date as "is this the guy I'm going to marry?", but more as "this could be a really nice dinner, and I hope to have fun and make a friend", and see where it goes.
You're going to be just fine. :)
My first question would be is how are you telling them? The way you explain this matters. I answer a lot of questions in the STD forums, and I always tell people to be factual, make sure you have information handy if people want it, and to leave words like "terrible", "horrible", "awful", and in your case, I'd add "broken", out of it.
If you see yourself as "broken", and I'm sorry that you do, then others will see you as broken. If you see yourself as a survivor (and if you have PTSD, you are a survivor of something traumatic, which makes you strong), and a fighter, then others will see you that way.
Tell a guy that you're managing it, with meds and/or therapy - whatever your treatment plan is at that time, or that you recognize when you need therapy, or whatever it is for you - and you're in a good place. I'm assuming you aren't new to either diagnosis, so you recognize the signs of any setbacks or triggers, and have good coping skills in place. Tell a guy that.
My next question is when are you telling them? I think some things need to be told sooner rather than later - like an STD diagnosis if you are going to be sexually active - but other things, like maybe this - can wait until you know someone better, and it can be something that comes up in conversation as you get to know each other, and learn if you can trust someone.
Remember that the guys you are dating have crap they don't want you to know, too. They may have a criminal record, bad credit, a spotty job history, still live with their parents, may still let his mother buy his clothes and wash his clothes, may have an STD, have a terrible driving history, etc. None of these things make him a bad person, but he may be worried you think they make him a bad partner.
Be careful with what you tell yourself. You aren't "broken". You are living each day, triumphing. I have PTSD, and I know how hard it can be. Whatever it is you've been through, and you certainly don't need to share that, you are overcoming it, one day at a time. We don't "get over" it, we get through it.
If you are feeling broken, maybe now is a good time to call your therapist, if you have one. If you don't, it may be a good time to get one. Sometimes we need what I call "therapy booster shots" - just a few visits to get us back on track.
Dating is hard, whether you have a mental illness, an STD, bad credit or none of those things. It will take time and some trial and error with some men who aren't right for you to find the man who is. That's the same for most everyone. It's okay. Don't look at every date as "is this the guy I'm going to marry?", but more as "this could be a really nice dinner, and I hope to have fun and make a friend", and see where it goes.
You're going to be just fine. :)
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