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Avatar universal

I cought my husband eating porn

Hey guys ! Me and my husband been togther for 3 years and married 1 and hafe year,we have 8 month baby girl and he is army and he just came back from deployment for a year and a couple weeks ago I was using his iPad and found he been watching porn and neaked pictures of a skiny Asian woman's and I was so shocked I never ever though he could want any woman but me and when I ask him he said 'it doesn't mean anything and he said all his friend watch it too !really??
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Avatar universal
Hon, I am sure he is telling you the truth............it means nothing.  Was he just watching this porn while deployed?  That's pretty much the norm for a lot of military men on deployment..........reading and/or watching porn.

I hate to tell but most men do fantasize about other women besides their wives/gfs especially about women who are different from what they have. It's normal.  Doesn't mean he wants to dump you for them or that he doesn't want you or that he doesn't want you exclusively.  

Is he viewing it since he has been home?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Watching porn and not eating it.  Okay.  That is better.  The tittle of your post was taking porn to a whole new level.

But, it's a husband watching porn.  Agree with Londres.  Men do watch porn and often it is meaningless.  If it is of great concern to you, then finding out when he was watching it (while deployed or last night) is helpful for where to go next.

good luck
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Avatar universal
Thanks for your advice and yeah he was watching that while he deployed and I never see him that he wach   porn before and after I foud that he been watching even it was save to his iPad when I opened it it came up and I go throw to his history and found a lot of neaked pictures and its like porn  website it says 'the boom boom room' neaked woman I feel so unwanted I just can't believe, he said its Notting and he is not gonna do it anymore but I can't trust him any more not only that hes changed after he came back he always busy with his phone or his iPad and watching games he act like singl not married man anymore and I hate telling him everyday how he changed and I can't sleep whenever I see his iPad I always think his waching neaked pic or porne !i feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore !-(
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Avatar universal
Thanks for your advice and yeah he was watching that while he deployed and I never see him that he wach   porn before and after I foud that he been watching even it was save to his iPad when I opened it it came up and I go throw to his history and found a lot of neaked pictures and its like porn  website it says 'the boom boom room' neaked woman I feel so unwanted I just can't believe, he said its Notting and he is not gonna do it anymore but I can't trust him any more not only that hes changed after he came back he always busy with his phone or his iPad and watching games he act like singl not married man anymore and I hate telling him everyday how he changed and I can't sleep whenever I see his iPad I always think his waching neaked pic or porne !i feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore !-(
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Avatar universal
Hey sorry I meant to say 'wachin porn'' forgive me I'm  new for this
And yeah he was waching  it the while he was deployed and I hope he's not gonna do that anymore and yeah that's what I told him it's easy for him to go and sleep with those hoe's ! If he had chance!:-(I'm so depressed like I hate him after knowing that he like watching porn and neaked woman I was waiting  for him and taking care of out baby by myself without no help !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, did he ever tell you he didn't watch or read porn?

Yes, you were waiting at home and taking care of the baby alone, but this man, your husband, wasn't off partying...........he was serving his country.

If he was only doing this while deployed I wouldn't worry about it.  These men, military men, deal with very stressful, life-threatening situations, so  a lot of them do these types of things mainly for distraction.  

I know this is crushing your self worth, but hon if he didn't tell you he never viewed porn or views porn I don't see a reason not to trust him.  If he was trying to be sneaky he would have deleted the history and he wouldn't of let you near his phone.

Where was he deployed and how long was he deployed?  The behavior change, the playing on his phone, etc........I am sure he is trying to decompress from his deployment.

How old is he btw?
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Avatar universal
Being a military wife isn't the easiest............a lot of being alone and him being deployed is rough.  These are the things you have to accept as a military wife.  If you don't trust him or have had problems trusting him it may be too unbearable for you to endure/handle.

Have you had any major problems in the relationship in the past at all?
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480448 tn?1426948538
I totally respect that you're upset about this, but my honest take, from what you've said here, is that you're overreacting quite a bit.  That doesn't invalidate your feelings, but it DOES mean that you're reading a LOT more into this, and taking this to places in your mind it didn't need to go.

Like Londres said, unless you guys had a VERY clear, serious heart to heart about your feelings about porn, and he KNEW that you would feel upset to this extent....then he didn't betray you, and you have no reason not to trust him.  If you two had a serious discussion where he SWORE he would never watch porn in ANY way shape or form, then yes, there would be a lot of distrust on your end.

My advice to you is to TRY very hard to ease up a little bit.  The man just came home from a war zone, and you're hitting him with this at every turn, that's got to be a little stressful for him (and probably makes him feel a little resentful to be honest).  

Let some time pass, then ask to have a calm (NON accusatory) and rational discussion with him about it.  Tell him how it makes you feel, and let him have HIS say as well.  If you're still feeling super upset about it, you may want to seek out the help of a therapist who can help you work through those strong emotions...in a way where you feel validated for being upset, but not at the cost of making him feel horrible about it.  Basically, at that point, it's going to be YOUR problem to work through.

He's home with you and the baby, try not to sweat the small stuff sweetie, hold him tight, thank GOD he came home safe and sound....SO many spouses wish that porn was their biggest issue.  How many partners sent their loved one to war, only to lose them forever?  That isn't to discount your feelings, but just to maybe give you some perspective (hopefully).

Best to you....please thank your husband for his service and YOU hang in there hon.  You'll get past this.  <3
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Avatar universal
Hey sorry I took so long to respond I was busy with my baby girl:-)and yeah he was vewing porn the while he deployed so I guess like you said it's okay even tho I don't like it but I try not to think about it a lot!he was going Middle East Qatar for one year he said it's okay he liked it and he is 34 years old, he is very nice guy caring and loving and military life is very hard very difficult You have to move all the time everywhere and far away from family I only have him here I don't have nobody else it's kind of hard for me but I try not to think about it too much and focus for my baby so yeah life is very hard and we're trying to go to Germany after a year so if things didn't change I don't Know what I'm going to do!
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Avatar universal
helo thank you for you advice it means a lot to me I try not to think about it alots and yeah he only did see porn the while he was deploye and now I'm feeling better I'm trying not Be upset and he is kind of okay right now I guess since his home I never see him watching porn or anything he just play games thats fine with me I guess it's better than anything so I will just let him do whatever he wants and unless if you didn't do bad things and trying to hurt me he promised me he's not gonna watch anything against it makes me upset  so thanks againg dear!
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Avatar universal
Being a military wife isn't for everyone. It takes a special kind of really strong woman to be able to handle the role effectively. If you're going to be married to a guy in the military you're going to have to be more patient with him. Anyone who has been subjected to the tragic daily living in a war zone needs to have some kind of completely unrelated distraction to help get through it. Give him a break and be proud that your husband is serving his country. Instead of getting upset with him over something so trivial, realize the courage it took for him to put his life on the line to protect his country. I'm grateful for all of the sacrifices of our military men and women and if I thought it would help them pass the time in a more pleasant way I'd buy them a ton of it and send it to them as a thank you! But they don't usually allow that kind of care package so I send them stuff like protein bars, candy, fruit snacks, chapstick, hotel sized shampoo and conditioner, etc.
Helpful - 0
1699742 tn?1413764342
Hon please don't worry about it. When I saw the history on my boyfriends laptop I was furious and hurt. I thought I was the only one he thought sexy, but reality is...guys look. Even women do. Eye candy. I learned it the hard way but realized I goggled at hot guys sometimes and I was being a hypocrite to my man. So...to fix the issue, I tried watching porn. Lol it's crazy but...I liked it, I liked it a lot. It's one way to therapeutically get over the issue. INFACT, my boyfriend gets mad now lol.
Now, I suggest you get mad if he was flirting with girls. That's wrong. But other than that everything is ok
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Avatar universal
Hey but what makes me hurt the most is that the fact he search nacked pic of 'hot Asian girls' that makes me to think that he realy love watching or enjoying this girls ! I can't forget that even tho I didn see or cough him vewing after that but it hurts me a lot !:( but I'm glad you liked it I don't think I will -:)
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1699742 tn?1413764342
I said the same thing, try it? It doesn't hurt. But my man was into red heads, I'm not a redhead, nor close to it. He also loves long hair and I have short hair. If he isn't watching that stuff now then it shouldn't be a problem. Just sit him down and say that if he's here, then he shouldn't watch it...after all you are here to satisfy him, not videos.
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Avatar universal
I don't think its halthy and also it's sin I don't want to do sins I'm trying to practice my relagtion so yeah but since I cought his waching poren and neacked pic of this hoe's he's not happy he seems like his bored ! I can't bleive how peopel changes maybe after the baby and also he likes long hair to btw I have short hair and I don't care about hair ! His Asian and I'm East African so yeah his also racist he realy hate black and I told him that's really bad I don't like racist but I'm dellin with it Notting I can do about it :( and yestrday was my birthday he don't even take me nowhere not even spend it with me yea he was at home but with his phone allday and alnight not even sex for my boday:-( I don't no what to do:-( I
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think you are entitled to ask him not to watch porn for whatever reason you feel strongly about.  It's very demoralizing to women and you can ask him how'd he feel if it were his daughter in the 'movie'?  

Some are fine with porn and so be it.  Other's aren't.  You have to judge how important this is to you and go from there.  If it is really important, express it that way with the expectation that he adheres to it. If he can't, he's got a problem.  

good luck
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