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I feel awful about bwing a little gay...help?
Hi, im a 18 yr old male from the US.y first sexual anything was accidentally seeing my mom and dad having sex. I dont know why since then, but i think im a tad gay. Never had any relationships with men, i rarely watch gay porn, [but once in a blue moon itll turn me on] but on 2 occassions, ive recieved oral/given oral sex to a male friend stricly for pleasures sake. Im torn, between accepting im a little gay [becuase i was originally a raised christian, im a atheist now, but i was basically raised slighlty homophobic, although i had gay friends] and i know this will aound bad, but i dont want to be gay, although i know i swimg that way a little i still heavily prefer/ love women. Help, im really torn.
When people are young, gay sexual experiences can happen from experimentation or curiosity, and are often not considered to be markers of one's true sexual orientation. But let's say you have it absolutely right and you are "a little gay" and also "heavily prefer/love women," as you say. That merely means you are one of the many people in the world whose sexuality is not at one end or the other of a scale with "totally gay" at one end and "totally straight" at the other end. You'd be somewhere in between those poles. A person who is bisexual might wind up in a relationship with either gender, depending on circumstances, and where they happen to find love, and if their belief system allows them to be comfortable with the relationship love leads them to. If it would bother you to be in a gay relationship, there is no rule that you have to be in one. (And it even seems like, if you would prefer not to be in a gay relationship, you couldn't be successful in one anyway because you would be conflicted about it.) Nobody makes anyone be in a relationship, you get to pick who you want to marry.
It kind of sounds like what bothers you is that you are afraid you will be somehow fighting the impulse to be doing things with men when you are trying to be in a relationship with a woman. Probably you will have no more trouble staying faithful than the average totally-straight person does. (This is not exactly reassuring, however, because most straight people have trouble with staying faithful.) When you get to a point where you are thinking of making a life commitment to a partner, if you have decided by then your attraction to both men and women and means you can't promise monogamy in good faith, you would need to tell your proposed life partner so she (or he) can decide if that is what he or she wants to sign up for. (It can be very wrenching to be in a relationship where fidelity is not part of the agreement.) The question is not so much "Am I gay?" or "Am I bi?" at that point, but "Can I be faithful?" It doesn't matter much what gender one is turning away from in order to keep the promise to be with one person only.
You might google the definitions of sexuality. Used to be, there were three choices, straight, gay or bisexual, and now there seem to be about ten of them. It should be interesting reading if you are trying to sort out your own sexuality.
It kind of sounds like what bothers you is that you are afraid you will be somehow fighting the impulse to be doing things with men when you are trying to be in a relationship with a woman. Probably you will have no more trouble staying faithful than the average totally-straight person does. (This is not exactly reassuring, however, because most straight people have trouble with staying faithful.) When you get to a point where you are thinking of making a life commitment to a partner, if you have decided by then your attraction to both men and women and means you can't promise monogamy in good faith, you would need to tell your proposed life partner so she (or he) can decide if that is what he or she wants to sign up for. (It can be very wrenching to be in a relationship where fidelity is not part of the agreement.) The question is not so much "Am I gay?" or "Am I bi?" at that point, but "Can I be faithful?" It doesn't matter much what gender one is turning away from in order to keep the promise to be with one person only.
You might google the definitions of sexuality. Used to be, there were three choices, straight, gay or bisexual, and now there seem to be about ten of them. It should be interesting reading if you are trying to sort out your own sexuality.
Firstly let me just say this as LOUDLY AND CLEARLY as possible, you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about, not even one tiny iota. Now that I've said that I will also say that it's perfectly normal to feel confused. Your sexual orientation is a deeply personal thing and with SO many different variations out there it's also perfectly normal for your feelings surrounding it to be changing and evolving. So don't feel like you need to slap a one size fits all label on yourself for the sake of convience. Gay, not Gay, it doesn't matter. Just he YOURSELF and everything else will work out. ♡
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree that this is a journey of discovery for you. A lot of young people wonder about themselves and their sexuality. It should become more and more clear. I understand not wanting to be gay. Not because you think it is wrong but because it is a different than traditional life. But if it ended up being the life that makes you more happy, there's that. And that is important. I don't really think your post is indicative of anything one way or the other. Have you dated much at all yet?
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