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Avatar universal

I feel like I made the right choice...I think.

I was with a guy for 4yrs. When we broke up, I basically rebounded with an ideal guy. He was perfect but ended up breaking up with him, getting back with him, then breaking up again a month later. I thought I really loved him because he was so good to me. Now, a little over a month later, we're back together again. I feel so differently about us being together. I really do love everything about him. The way he looks at me, and holds me. I know he loves me more than anything. I guess my question is, am I making the right choice to be with him after I've hurt him twice already, am I moving too fast? Do I even deserve a third chance? I really wanna be with him but I'm scared that I might hurt him again even though I really really dont want to or intend to because he is the most perfect guy I've ever met.
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Avatar universal
You don't have to rush into anything with this new guy. This isn't some kind of race. Just take your time dating him and getting to know him and quit putting so much pressure on yourself to progress this too quickly. That means, don't be making any plans to move in together or anything stupid like that for at least a couple of years! Just slow down and enjoy spending time together so you can give this an opportunity to grow on its own.
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Avatar universal
We aren't anywhere near making plans like that but we've known each other since we were like 5yrs old. I think we know each other pretty well.
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi also, i dont think its a good idea to get back with him as your not sure how you really feel. You say you love everything about him but not him. But its good you care about peoples feelings. Its very tempting to stay with someone that makes you feel good but unless you can make them feel good also its not fair to him.
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Avatar universal
He makes it clear that he is very happy that we're back together. Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my post. Everything about him is him. I do love him. And its not that I'm unsure about how I feel because I know how I feel about him.
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
The way i look at love is the way we make someone else feel and your post is about how he makes you feel, thats what im questioning. As mentioned, a person doing things and making us feel can blind us to our true feelings.
You also mention that you were on the rebound and part of the attraction to him could be the rejection of the other.
One way humans deal with rejection is to be with someone they now have the power over.
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Avatar universal
That makes alotta sense and I think thats how it was the first time around. But not this time. I was on the rebound this time. We were actually friends first and that never changed. He's made it clear to me that he loves me. I guess I just wanna make it clear that I love him.
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Avatar universal
*wasn't
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3149845 tn?1506627771
One question, why were you breaking up and getting back to gether with him and what has changed to prevent you from breaking up with him again.
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Avatar universal
The first time I wasn't over my ex and even though I really liked him, not loved him yet, I didnt wanna lead him on of I wasn't completely over my feelings for my ex. The second time I felt smothered. We were together allllllllll the time. Day and night and I just wanted my freedom. He'd get upset if I hung out with certain friends and he'd get jealous when I'd babysit. See with my ex, everything was horrible. He cheated on me, never gave me attention and would basically just give me like hush money so he wouldn't have to deal with me. So when this new guy came along and was the total opposite, it scared me a little because I wasn't used to someone being that way towards me. But now I know that he just appreciates me unlike my ex of 4yrs.
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Avatar universal
Knowing someone since you were 5 as a casual acquaintance or as just a friend doesn't mean you know what he is like in a relationship. There's a HUGE difference.  People who you are friends with put on a certain face when they are around you but if you started dating any of those friends, you would see a completely different person. That's because how people are, who people are, and how they deal with everyday things like stress, conflict, concern, etc. are all completely different toward a relationship partner than a friend.

So, I still say, if you don't want to screw this up then TAKE YOUR TIME. That's what so many people don't do these days. They meet and then two seconds later they are moving in together and then two seconds after that having kids and then they freak out when it all falls apart. Well, maybe if people gave actual "dating" a try, to really get to know a person first, for all of their weird quirks and idiosyncrasies and everything else, then maybe there would be a lot fewer people on here complaining about how they're stuck in a sucky relationship that ***** because they pushed it ahead in fast forward.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, rebound relationships are tough!  They do often go like this because emotionally we just aren't completely ready to be in a new relationship.  And then we blow it.  

When I was in my 20's, I just loved the person I was dating.  Dang, he broke up with me.  Actually he got a job and moved far away and let me know that this was the end.  Heart break.  Crying.  It was sad for me.  The truck with his things pulled out and about a few days later (no joke, a few days) a very handsome and successful guy asked me out.  He was SO nice, smart and funny.  Really, a great guy.  We started dating and did so for a bit of time, maybe two months.  And he made it clear that he really liked me.  But my heart was not fully into it.  So, I blew it.  I was still healing from the guy I'd broken up with----  I wasn't totally myself with the new guy.  I often just did my own thing and kind of treated him so so.  We just stopped going out.  I thought about it a year or two later---  and I knew had I met him at a different time, that he'd have been someone I could have a wonderful relationship with.  It was just really bad timing.

So, this guy is your rebound guy.  Something to consider is telling him that you are healing.  Maybe a few more months to heal on your own, some counseling and you will be ready to give him your full heart.  Or at least try the counseling.  

I felt for a while that I 'missed out' on a great guy due to timing.  I just don't want you to 'miss out'.  

The other issue is that sometimes our 'ideal' guy on paper just doesn't have the spark we need in real life.  So, that is something to think about.

good luck
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Avatar universal
Thank your for being so understanding and not trying to tell mw what I should or shouldn't do. Youre always such a help c:
Helpful - 0
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