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I have lied to my girlfriend about watching porn

Hi, my girlfriend recently found that i was viewing porn online after me telling her i didn't like that kind of thing, now shes extremely upset with me because of it, i never told her the truth about it because i was embarrassed, i would watch it every few weeks or so not anything to an extreme level, it was never because I wasn't attracted to her cause shes the most beautiful woman in the world to me, we live quite a few miles apart and see each other on a wednesday and from friday to sunday though sometimes only see each other at weekends it would be that period when were apart for a whole week i would watch it once or so.
the thing is i truly love this woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her we've even been talking about moving in together and even marriage, has anyone any answers on how to go about fixing this i know i have hurt her self esteem and broke her heart from lying but i care about her more than anything in the world and want to make things right.
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Avatar universal
Ditto SpecialMom:  oh boy
Ditto NurseGirl:  oh boy

I can just imagine what a war that would be - he blackmails her, she blackmails him...... oh boy.....

I think the poster is on the "right track" also.  He is sensitive to His GirlFriends feelings on the topic.  That's important.

Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
Oh boy is right.

I'm with you sm.  It's an all too common story, a couple makes a video, or takes sexy pics, only to have them "revealed" later on.  This can happen in many ways, not always just the jaded ex scenario.  Sometimes employers, family members, a person's child's teacher may end up seeing something that was never meant for public eyes.  I couldn't even imagine the embarrassment, not only that I could potentially cause myself, but also my kids.  It could be a computer issue, email hacking, you name it.

Bottom line for ME is that if it isn't out there, no one can ever find it.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh boy.  

Anyway, I do admire how thoughtful the poster is about his girlfriend.  I think that is terrific and think you are on the right track to learning how to be a long term partner to someone.  peace
Helpful - 0
5973125 tn?1378575863
Oh I won't cause I can blackmail as well.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Just don't get burned with nude videos and pictures.  Many do.  good luck
Helpful - 0
5973125 tn?1378575863
Well it's my opinion and my choice. And I wouldn't suggest he "add" things to make his apology sound sweeter if it's not sincere. Putting icing on an argument won't make it any better in the long run. Being honest makes things work.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
PS.  These guys weren't cads either. They were pretty normal guys that I liked as people.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh PChandaLeigh.  No woman should EVER send dirty pics or videos to anyone.  Do you know how man of those wind up in the wrong hands?  That is way to risky for any woman to do.  no matter how much you trust a boyfriend, it's not a good idea.  I know of a couple of women deeply burned by men they believed loved them and would hold those things private.  One was married to the guy.  He got mad and the video wound up a big joke with his friends.  The other was engaged.  The marriage never happened but all the guy's friends got to see my friend up close and personal.  

I wouldn't suggest that this man ask his girlfriend to do that.  Just my opinion but one I feel really strongly about and sure hope you haven't done this PChandra.  good luck
Helpful - 0
5973125 tn?1378575863
Well if your going to marry her you should start now with being open and honest with her. Just sit her down and say " I know I lied to you and it was wrong of me to do that. Im sorry. Ill be open and honest next time. I was just embarrassed to tell you." Women are emotionally driven creatures. We take everything to heart. A good way to solve this problem is to get her to send you naughty pictures and videos. I do this with my boyfriend and he doesnt watch porn nomore:)
Best of luck to you
Princess.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  While the above is true, I can honestly say that for me, the issue with porn is that it is so degrading to women.  AND, it's kind of like false advertising.  Love making doesn't need to be just about the mechanics which is what porn really promotes.  The other issue that I personally have with porn is that for some men, it gets them in such a state that they begin to push things to the next level.  Next they are wanting to live chat.  Then they are on meeting sites.  Then they might even meet.  It's a slippery slope for some men and especially those that never really learned good impulse control when it comes to things of a sexual nature.  

Anyway, I would talk to your girlfriend candidly.  You can tell her that you did occasionally look at it but it's never been important to you.  you've never 'loved' porn as some men do.  That it is no big thing to give it up and you'll happily do that for her anyway.  And besides, it always left you with a bad feeling when you watched it any way. (add that one)  You didn't watch it much.  And so on.  It really sounds like this was the case any way.

So, tell her you are done with porn.  Apologize for hurting her in any way.  Reassure her that it is no reflection on her.  Take her on a really killer date.  good luck!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Woman hate that type of activity because many feel insecure when comparing themselves to the porn actresses but if you really love her and say she is the most beautiful woman in the world--well if that's the case then ditch the porn and focus on her--at the end of the day she is real the porn is not--all the best.
Helpful - 0
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