I might got despression that I ve been in a hard relationship in five years

[Suite789]

Sometime I wake up in the midnight, crying and shaking without a reason.
I have been in a relationship in 5 years and this is the 6 year.
I find out he might be married since the second year of our relationship and he knew I know that and he did not say a word about that.
I break up with him since I know he might got married. but he did not explain and I think maybe I just being suspicious, and I do really love him so I came back to him.
Until last year, I went to hospital with him to treat his heart problems, I find out his marriage certificate and they even got a kid. and I met him and began the relationship with him when his kind just born, not even one month.
I did not say a word to him and I always gave up to ask. I know him very well and he will not tell me anything about that.
over the past years, he just  told me that I need to improve myself and learn something , blablablabla
In that case, I think, ok, so hope you all well and I will leave you. I ask for a break from work and go back to live with my parents for half a month and I cried every night. Finally, I told him to break up again.
I know his busy, but he spend a whole day trying to make me happy, but I can not.
and he told me , you have to believe me.
I doubt about his marriage again.
So, I did not really break up with him.
But I m crying at least once per week and crying when I m alone.
today , I saw his wife(I do not know they divorced or not) call him "Sweet","little chicken".
I break.
I m going to see doctors next week and I hope the doctor can help me.

[specialmom]

I'm sorry you are depressed though.  Situational things can trigger depression and depression is treatable.  I do encourage you to seek help with that.  And sometimes, it all compounds.  If you are depressed, it's so much harder to actually TAKE any action and get out.  And you get more depressed.  But if you treat the depression and the cloud lifts, you may find yourself in a stronger position emotionally to change your life.  We're here for you.  Come back and tell us how you are doing.  hugs

[AnnieBrooke]

As the other posters say, doctors will not cure you being in a dead-end relationship. You are probably down because you are doing something you know is useless, trying to be in a relationship that is wrong and foolish.

[Chima7]

He's married and has been lying to you this whole time. First things first, dump him and stop going back to him. Secondly, he's a liar and a cheater which means he is not worth you crying about him and worrying so much. Dump him and find a guy who is single and who wants to be with you and you only.

[Paxiled]

Maybe you do have depression.  But not from this.  This is grief and insecurity.  I say insecurity, because you are selling yourself short by staying with someone who is not devoted to you.  If this didn't bother you, fine, but since it does, and you don't get the heck out and find someone else who doesn't make you sad, that's a sign you might not think you can find someone else.  That's why it sounds like insecurity.  Doctors can't help you with that.  They can't help you with sadness and grief because you're in a dead-end relationship.  A therapist might help you, though.