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I still miss my ex and we broke up 3 years ago, why?

We were together for little more than 2 years, we loved eachother like crazy, we had chemistry, we clicked. He was the onlIy person i KNOW that loved me more than anything. The problem was we had long distance relationship and he was sooo jealous, thats why we broke up. Becouse of jealousy we damaged ourselfs. I was broken when we end up but he was broken 100 times more, i knew that. We stopped every contact and we continued. I heard from other people that he is suffering he is in depression, but there was no way of going back, the relationship was just too painfull. After some time i meet a new guy, im still with him, i love him, he loves me but...i know that my ex loved me a lot more than my curent boyfriend, i cant even compare. I dont contact with my ex, i dont see him, we live in different states but even today after 3 years, i still miss him and his love, and im affarid that noone will love me like he did, that noone will give me the amount of love that he did. If he was not so crazy jealous i know we would have been still togehter, but we are not. I still have dreams about him, even in my dreams i feel his love, and miss him and i compare with my current boyfriend , why?
4 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
Your "ex" didn't love you more than your current guy,  or he wouldn't have broken up with you.

Long distance relationships are weird.  They're long distance because at least one of the partners wants a long distance relationship,  not a real one.  They want to be distant.  Your guy wanted your relationship to be distant,  although he flailed around and behaved like he was in pain when it broke up.

Live in the real world.  Live in the world where a guy who doesn't want to be long distance wants you right there.  That's much better.
Avatar universal
I second RockRose. It is so much easier to seem super in love and devoted to someone in a long distance relationship because all of your interactions are short and intense. That kind of infatuation can't last.

I'm sure your current bf loves you at least as much if not more.
Avatar universal
Extreme jealousy like what you're talking about is NOT love. It's obsession and/or infatuation. Healthy relationships are most certainly not built on obsession. Those are the kinds of relationships that end up with someone in the hospital or arrested or dead because of jealousy.

You have a normal relationship now with a normal guy who has normal feelings for you. Unfortunately you're the type who is addicted to drama and it's making you shun a normal relationship that doesn't include the same level of drama that your jealous and obsessed ex exhibited. You need to learn that drama does not equal healthy relationships either. Stop idealizing your last relationship when in fact it was toxic and unhealthy and your ex bf was nothing more than the jealous type who would have likely been trying to control you 100% if you lived anywhere near him. You should be glad it didn't work out so at least you don't need to worry about becoming the victim of abusive and controlling relationship.
3060903 tn?1398565123
I was broken when we end up but he was broken 100 times more
How much of what you are feeling is guilt ?

He was the onlIy person i KNOW that loved me more than anything.
If that was the case in the two years you were "together" why was there no plans from either of you to move so you could be together. Was that ever discussed even?

If he was not so crazy jealous i know we would have been still togehter, but we are not.
Are you saying here that Jealously in a healthy relationship to any extent (less than "crazy") is acceptable and healthy. Have you become conditioned to believe that Jealously, (drama) equates to love? (when it doesn't and there is no place for it in a healthy trusting relationship).

Becouse of jealousy we damaged ourselfs.
Should you be talking with a therapist about the damage of this unhealthy relationship? Would that help you move forward in a healthy way with a drama free relationship?

i love him, he loves me but...i know that my ex loved me a lot more than my curent boyfriend, i cant even compare
With all that has gone before, without the benefit of therapy, are you able to clearly make this statement as being the case?

I'm sorry that you have so many unresolved issues going on, and i really think you should talk to  a therapist. The heart is a complex thing, bringing the past into the current sometimes needs a unbiased third party. There may be things going on here from before your long distance relationship that are also bearing weight in your current situation.

I'm glad you are open to talking about this. You're on your way to peace and fulfillment being able to do so. I wish you all the best and hope you continue to talk about how you are going to resolve these issues. You and your partner deserves the time and effort it takes for resolution. That's for sure.
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