So I don't really know.
I never consider my parents as abusive, mostly for the reason that there always seems to be someone who's had it much worse. I've just kind of dealt with it and thought it was normal all my life, and well, maybe it is... I just can't tell anymore.
I'm writing this after an argument with my mother. When I got home from school, she came in my room, sat down, and told me she was worried about me being depressed. I have been, but I'd never tell her that. Whenever I tell my parents anything, they somehow always turn it back around on me. But anyway, the whole "worried mother" facade quickly disappeared and she wouldn't let me leave until I told her what I was thinking.
This women has pinned me down on my bed, shaken and smacked me across my face before.
She's also grabbed me by the throat, with her sharp nails in my neck, and held me up against a wall and let me struggle to breathe while she screamed at me. I was around 6 years old.
She has thrown glasses, bottles, spatulas, screwdrivers, toys, and various other items at me and my brother, sometimes hitting us.
As I got older, she would shove me against a wall, hard enough to bruise me. She's slammed my leg in a car door, a few years ago. Recently, she hasn't done anything, I think because she knows I could beat her easily in a physical fight.
My father is impossible to understand. One minute, he'll be the only source of comfort I have, and then the next thing I know, he'll make my life hell.
In the past, when I neglected to clean my room, he would throw me by my neck to the floor, and then proceed to literally tear apart my room. He would empty every drawer, shelf, and bin into the center of the floor, (usually breaking things in the process), and then demand that it be completely spotless within an hour. If I didn't meet this goal, he'd not only hit me, but take away everything I had, whether it be my privilege to play outside, go to a friends house, listen to music, text a friend; anything I had was his to take. It sounds fair, but it left me completely isolated from anyone I could possibly vent to. I was always terrified of him... I never could seem to meet his expectations. I always got punished, no matter what I did, in very much the same way that my mother punished me.
They've both been dictators about what I say to my friends, too.
If I ever texted a friend about any of this, and they somehow saw the message, they'd make sure I regretted it.
If I ever said anything they didn't like, I was in trouble. All of my interactions with anyone and everyone were very closely watched. They have my wifi on a timer so it turns off at night, and I don't even have a cell anymore. Because of this, I couldn't really ever make friends, and eventually I just became very islolated and hopeless.
Now that I'm older, I know how to do things behind their back, and they don't physically hurt me anymore (for the most part), but they still treat me so inferior, and get mad when I don't love them as much as they want me to... I don't what to do anymore, honestly. I get so depressed about the fact that I CAN'T love them, I can't feel safe with them, and I can't enjoy being with them, even when things are good.
I hate living like this, but I don't know what to do, if anything at all.