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I think my boyfriend might be little more than a roommate.

My current boyfriend is very different than anyone I've ever been with before, and I just don't seem to understand him. He doesn't open up, confide in me, express his feelings, talk about his thoughts, dreams, goals, desires, nothing. Anything he talks about is superficial. Likewise, he doesn't ask me anything personal. He has never asked about my childhood, plans for the future, likes, dislikes, allergies, my birthday, nothing here either. But he will say things about wanting us to be together forever and have a baby together and different projects we can do around the house over time to increase the value. But then he barely touches me. When I come home from work, I don't get a hug or a kiss. No hugs from behind, no holding hands, we only have sex about twice a month, and when we do there is NEVER foreplay of any kind. It's just a very straightforward question, "Do you want to have sex?" Then very transactional intercourse. But he can't sleep at night unless he is cuddling me. And he always kisses me goodbye before he leaves for work in the morning. He calls me or texts me during the day. I guess I just don't know how to decode the mixed signals and I'm hoping someone can help me understand where he's coming from better, or perhaps what my course of action should be.
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646779 tn?1281996041
Does he have ASD? There’s a lot of high functioning autistic people around. Some personality traits would include learned behaviour eg. Learning to talk about superficial things because that’s what society does…. But an inability to understand emotions. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have emotions himself and that would explain why he feels good when he cuddles you. But ASD would be one explanation for inability to talk about or understand emotions. Try doing an online test for ASD and let us know the result :)
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That's actually really interesting that you mention ASD. My son was just recently diagnosed after years and years of knowing something was off, but every doctor, counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, never being able to pinpoint anything other than "he's just a quirky kid."  Fourteen years of being told, there's nothing wrong, he's just quirky. Finally a new team of doctors (psychologist and psychiatrist) ran an extensive battery of tests and were able to determine that he is Autistic (very high functioning) and has ADHD. Anyway, I say all that to say that now that you bring it up, and I'm thinking about it, I do see a lot of similarities in their behaviors. Obviously, I don't look at my son and my boyfriend with the same set of lenses, so I hadn't thought about it before. You could definitely be on to something there. The thought had crossed my mind that perhaps he was a psychopath (I mean that in the most clinical way possible) and unable to experience a full range of emotions, empathy, and compassion. Not to say that maybe the desire for those things isn't there, but maybe the actual capacity isn't. I'm not a doctor, and certainly not going to go home and tell him he has this disorder or that. But I appreciate the suggestion. It's definitely a consideration I hadn't thought of. Honestly, aside from the psychopathy, to this point, I've just been thinking it has to be me. There must be something about me that is making him be so physically and emotionally distant.
134578 tn?1693250592
What has he said about all of this?
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Very little. Whenever I try to have in-depth conversations with him about this, or really anything of substance, he tends to seem surprised that I'm concerned about whatever topic I've brought up. As if it's normal for a couple to only touch when they're cuddling because one can't sleep without it. Or even to only communicate about current events, pop culture, politics, and friends' lives, but not know what your girlfriend is allergic to or when her birthday is. After his surprise wears off, there is usually a short discussion  that barely scratches the surface, and then the topic gets changed or avoided.
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