I want to get married. He doesn't.

[ladyloveee]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and half. We've lived together our whole relationship. I'm 20 and he's 25. I want to get married, and he doesn't . Now, when we were planning children which we even had said we were going to try back in August and he changed his mind because he said he wasn't ready I let the issue go. But, now I feel we're at a stage where it's time to move forward. He said he's not ready to get married. And, that he knows eventually he will but doesn't know exactly when. I tried to compromise and I suggested a long engagement. Like, getting engaged and then being engaged for 3 years or so .. that way we're not married yet but I still feel a commitment is being made. He said he would be cool with that ... But, he will still like to wait a few years to even get engaged...And that he'll probably never get married. He told me since I kept pushing the subject maybe it was more important to me than him. And, maybe I should find somebody who wants what I want. But, I told him I just want him. Now, he's telling me that he does want to get married but maybe 3-5 years. We are still together and I haven't brought up the issue since. His friends keep telling him to marry me. His family keeps telling him and even people he meets on the streets. I'm still willing to compromise with the long engagement. But, what do I do? I don't want to break up. I love him so much. But, I feel like he's doubting our relationship. Like he doesn't think we would last if we were married. Help!!

[ladyloveee]

you are all right .. i should back off and stop pressuring him. we are both young and there is plenty of time for a commitment. i mean, he's given me a ring already. wasn't really any type of commitment ring but i guess it's a step forward. i'm going to wait it out. he isn't saying never.. he's just saying not now.. so atleast it's not a NO. thank you so much for all you're help !!!

[mami1323]

He's 25 and you are 20 you have both just started living your lives. I would say most men nowadays don't look to get married that young. But he isn't saying never he's just saying 3 years. You can either give him the time or you can leave and try to find someone else who most likely take the same amount of time to get to know you and decide if they want to get married. Can't you focus on something other than marriage for now. No one wants to be pressured into such a huge commitment like marriage.

[Judy246]

sorry, I meant "He is simply not ready to take the relationship to a higher level".

[Judy246]

He is simply not ready to take the relationship to a high level. Why, because you both are already living together and he is comfortable the way the relationship is. You have a few choices, stay and accept or settle for a relationship that is not growing the way it should, or re-evaluate or possible move out to see where it goes. The choice is up to you, but there is no easy way to say this, but don't expect a ring from him anytime soon, less marriage. You are willing to compromise, but he isn't . You want the relationship to move forward to a higher level, he doesn't. It sounds to me as if this relationship is one sided and to be honest, I don't see it going anywhere. The choice is your. Good Luck, Judy

[specialmom]

I am really sorry to say this--------  but he says what he means.  He does not want to get engaged right now to you.  You can try to figure out why but it will not change his mind.  And let me just say------   you want the man you marry to be excited to ask you to be his wife.  If you have to push him, well . . .  it does not bode well for the future in many cases.  I'd suggest backing off for a bit and during that time think about if he never proposed to you, would you be okay with that?  You are still very young at 20 and have plenty of time.  This may or may not turn out to be your future husband . . . but you need him to be enthusiastic about it.  

And not being sure if someone is the right one is a very reason to not propose. Something inside of him is saying that he needs more info or he is satisfied with how it is and doesn't find the piece of paper necessary, etc.  But this you can not change.  His feelings may change over time but you would be risking wasting time if it doesn't.  goodluck