He can certainly "pack his stuff and leave," but he can't "have nothing to do with [you] and the baby at all." He is legally responsible to pay child support until the child is 18, or through high school, or 21, depending on what state you live in. Sorry, but if he's mad because you were careless with the patch he should have worn a condom, he can't walk out on his legal responsibilites just by saying he wants nothing to do with the child. The law does not smile upon scofflaw daddies.
That said, what you have done is saddle him with 18 or 19 or 21 years of (pretty noticeable-sized) monthly payments, and a child to worry about and help be responsible for, when all he thought he was doing was having some fun. No wonder he's mad. He should have thought harder about the consequences, and now you're holding him to a deal (the child being born) that he never thought he was entering into in the first place.
So, what to do? It doesn't sound like being on and off for 6 years and then moving in together last year is a portrait that he is committed to you forever and planned to marry you. This suggests you had better assume you'll have go it alone with mommyhood, except for standing firm on child support of course. If you know his mom or other close relative, tell her that you're pregnant, but that her son doesn't want the child, and you assume it means you'll be breaking up. Tell her this happened by accident, but that you won't have an abortion. Tell her that you anticipate arguments in the future about child support. Someone in his family needs to know that the baby is coming and that you two didn't break up because you had been cheating or anything (i.e., that the baby is his), which might cross her mind if you two break up when you're pregnant. Birth-control accidents happen. It's too bad, but you didn't do it on purpose. She needs to know that.
Tell your boyfriend that you're going to talk to his mom and ask if he wants to come along.
Try to stay calm if you two begin to argue. You'll need a relationship of some kind with this guy for 19-22 more years.
So your question is about what to do in regards to the pregnancy? If you are against abortion, your options are to keep the baby and raise it, or to place it for adoption.
I would strongly suggest that you engage a counselor who is experienced in this area - Planned Parenthood can probably recommend one (yes, Planned Parenthood, they help everyone, no matter what they decide), or call a local adoption agency and ask for names.
This is an intensely personal decision only you can make. If you decide on adoption, the father of the baby will have to agree, but you have to decide first.
If you decide to keep the baby and raise it, there are other options - keeping him involved, letting him sign his rights away, etc., but a lawyer can explain those to you.
I wish you the best.
trulyme, I originally read this more like you are 19 or 20, but then saw in your profile that you say you're 32. If so, is your boyfriend also in his 30s? It would make a difference, since by now both of you would have set lives and livings. Does he have other kids?
I just want to say that I'm sorry, I really feel for you. It takes two people to create a pregnancy. He was part of this process. It sounds like you are in shock that you are pregnant and weren't expecting this. But it has happened. His reaction makes me sad! You've been a couple a long time it seems. Whether he wants a baby or not, you're pregnant and he is the father. No woman should have someone 'force' them into abortion and if you don't want that, it's understandable. The reality is that he is resenting the pregnancy at this point and I'm not sure how you move past that. I think you have to plan for his not being involved and then if he becomes more supportive, then you can decide if you can get over his initial reaction or not. Can you support and care for the baby alone? I believe child support is a must for dads so perhaps you'd have his financial assistance. So the, it's a matter of raising your baby yourself (with or without him) or placing the baby up for adoption (a beautiful choice if it feels like the best option). I'm sure you feel betrayed by your boyfriend at this moment and I don't blame you. We're here to talk about it, hon. We'll try to be good listeners as I'm sure you have a lot of emotions.
Paxiled, I don't know where and when you practiced law, but here in Texas, (the OP is in New York, so maybe not relevant to this case) if it's his baby, it's his baby and he's on the hook for financial support. It doesn't matter to the courts whether or not she forgot to take birth control, or purposely lied to him about taking birth control, his DNA, his baby, his obligation. And as they say in court, if he refuses to take a DNA test to prove he's not the father, they can "default his a&%" and make him pay child support just for not taking a DNA test. On the other hand, since this guy has 5 other kids he's also not raising so somewhat likely he's paying child support, he may have limited ability to pay and so would be assessed limited responsibility. In Texas, you just can't decide the woman "tricked" you into a pregnancy and walk away. Thank God.
In the case of sperm bank donations, this obviously doesn't apply. But when a baby results from a sexual relationship, the dad is responsible.