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I’m very attached to my mum and I am so scared of her dying. What do I do?

I’m a 22 year old girl. I grew up living with just my mum. My dad died in an accident before I was born. I’ve always been very close with my mum. I have always and still tell her just about everything happening in my life. I have severe social anxiety which has left me with limited connections these days. I tend to want to be with my mum more often because it’s so comfortable. Last year I moved out but I live close to her. I call her multiple times a day and feel unease if I don’t see her every other day. If she doesn’t answer the phone for a few hours I will literally think she is dead, have a panic attack and have to go to her house to check. She has chronic major depression and no friends living near her so that’s another reason I see her a lot. My grandma died when I was 14 and I grieved very hard and became very depressed. I missed a lot of school and as a result all my many friends moved on. I suddenly had no friends and my social anxiety began. During that time my Mum was my rock. I only really had her. My mum is not in the greatest health these days and due to my lack of supports I don’t see who I’ll go to when she dies. I can’t imagine myself coping or living life without her. I know I’ll practically go crazy. No psychologist has known what I can do. But I feel trapped. I grieve daily in fear of her death. I think of what I’ll say at her funeral. I live in fear. I’m also diagnosed with BPD and I would consider her my favourite person’. Any analysis, advice or support is much appreciated.  
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207091 tn?1337709493
What kinds of things do you do outside of your mum? Do you go to school? Work?

I'm a lot older than you, and will be devastated when my mom dies - I think that's true for a lot of us. But I'm sure your mum would want you to be okay after she dies - which hopefully won't be for a long time. Since you're young, how about now starting to find some friends? You can take your time, and slowly get to know people.

Are you and your mum in therapy? I would suggest not going together, but it would probably really help you both. Find a young counselor, maybe, who understands BPD and being young today.

Your mum can still be your favorite person, and she probably always will be - that's awesome. But she needs to be able to care for herself, and you need to know that while you would be very sad without her, you can survive. I imagine she'd find peace knowing that, too.

So start small. Start figuring out what you like to do, and find a group that does it. Maybe start online, and then do it in person. Maybe it's politics, knitting, fandom, arts, music, sports  - whatever it is (and I'm older than 22, so my examples probably suck lol), you'll figure it out, and go from there. Maybe you can help your mum do the same thing for her own interests. She's depressed, but there is help out there for her, too.

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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh gosh, I can relate.  I was very close with my mom as well.  I wasn't married in my 20's and this was my whole 'family'!  I understand this.  I would think that working on the mental health portion of this problem would be essential.  A psychiatrist may be of great benefit.  Medicine can do wonders especially when paired with talk therapy.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very beneficial.  If the anxiety over potentially losing her is suffocating and impacting your daily living, this is important to get a handle on.  And medication and CBT may help with the social anxiety and general anxiety as well so you can add a few more things into your life.  Encourage your mom to do what she can for her own health since you say she is in poor health.  But you take care of yourself as well!  What is her health condition?  
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