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Avatar universal

In love with my best friend

So, i have this guy friend, and him and i are extremely close. We started off completely being just best friends, and he had a girlfriend so i didn't even think twice about being attracted to him. But lately, i know for a fact that i have feelings for him, and i think because he was my best friend before i felt anything else, i am connected to him enough to say its possible i could be in love with him. i know i love him, because he's my best friend, and i want him to be my best friend forever. The big problem here is he still is in a relationship, that he tells me everyday he wants out of, but he doesn't know how to break up with the girl because they've been together over a year now. We've talked long nights and he basically knows i have feelings for him, and vice versa because we flirt all the time. But i told him i was tired of playing childish games and if  he wants anything more to do with me as more than a friend, he's the only one that can change it. He says he's sorry for playing with my heart, and that he doesn't know what he wants. I just want to know if anyone can give me anything else i can try to say to him? and i don't want any comments about how i'm too young to think i'm in love or any of that crap. thanks. :)
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Avatar universal
Hi there!

I just went through the exact same thing pretty much down to the key of your story. You need to tell him that what he's doing is wrong and not fair. It isn't fair to you nor is it fair to the other girl. You need to tell him that your not just going to sit around and be the other girl. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. I know it's hard trust me!!! I just did it. You both also need to consider how the other girl is feeling and will feel when this all comes out. Make sure he knows what he is doing is wrong and that your not wanting to be played. Stand your ground girl! You can do it! I stood my ground and I couldn't be happier.

Hope it works out!
Helpful - 0
1346146 tn?1299360497
Well, dont mean to sound harsh but if he knows you have feeling for him but doesnt do anything about it, to me that says hes not interested and hes not the guy for you. Just my two cents, good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
932659 tn?1332118704
Hello,
The one thing that really struck me here, was the fact that if he can't tell his present girlfriend his true feelings, how do you know he is sharing his true feelings with you?  It almost sounds like he is telling both his girlfriend and you what each of you want to hear.  From past experience, usually when a guy "doesn't know what he wants" that means he doesn't want what he presently has, can't make the damn decision on his own, so he waits for the other person to do it for him.  I don't know, I'd still be good friends with him, but it definitely sounds like you have more of a backbone and are more mature than he is.  I wish you luck :)
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh.  You are playing with fire.  He has a flirtatious, deep (emotionally) relationship with you while he has a girlfriend.  That indicates to me that he is not ready to be "anyone's" boyfriend, including yours.  I know he is probably a great guy and you've got feelings for him.  But my suggestion to you is to let this be for now.  I'd bad off and not in an angry way but in a smart girl way and see what happens with him and his girlfriend.  If they break up, I'd let a bit of time pass and then reapproach him and the situation.  If they stay together, stay away.  

I don't like to think of any woman getting involved with a guy that has a girlfriend, wife or significant other.  I know you were just friends but your encouragement of him to dump her and be with you would feel pretty crummy to her.  Put yourself in her shoes---------- wouldn't that stink?  You did nothing wrong, don't get me wrong--------  I'm just saying that woman to woman, we have to think of others even when we are into their boyfriend.  If it is meant to be, they'll break up and then he is available and THEN you talk about moving the friendship into the romantic arena.  That also gives any relationship with him the absolute best chance for survivial long term.  Otherwise, you know he is the kind of guy that could stray while you are dating him (as in he gets another best friend and they start having long conversations, etc. . . would you ever trust that with him?).

So, I wish you luck. Sometimes these things work out and we get our best friend as our boyfriend and it is awesome------------  but you have to be patient and wait it out and do it the right way.  good luck
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, and if he is your age--------------  it is really hard for a teenage guy to always make the best decisions.  At 17, many of them have difficulty figuring things out.  Be patient.
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Avatar universal
thank you all for your posts. he has always said to me after anything said bad about his gf that he didnt want me to think he was like that to all girls. he was only that way in their situation and ill trust him until he gives me a reason not too. i'm happy to say that him and his gf broke up yesterday, not because of me, but because they barely even talked and it was a mutual agreement. then last night he finally told me his true feelings and it just made me happy that he finally manned up and did it. we're not together, but we did talk about being together in the future, and its very likely it will happen. for now, he's still my best friend, and my twirp date :D
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i know i can trust him to tell me how he feels because he's always done nothing but that. i mean, all his friends told me he really liked me, and that he wanted to break up with her, it just took him a while to do it. i definitely am more mature than him, seeing how girls mature faster than boys do and he's two years younger than me. but just the fact that he could finally break up with her and tell me his true feelings showed me he had balls
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, good luck and I hope it works out for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
alright, so me and thomas have been together over a month now and lately it just feels like things have changed too much. i see him as more of my boyfriend than my best friend, which maybe this is how it should be but i just feel like since we started dating i can't talk to him about everything anymore. and everytime we get into a fight it seems like all he does is talk about how its all his fault and he's such an idiot and puts himself down and i don't want this because i really do love him so much and it hurts when he talks about himself like that. he's got it hard at home, and so do i. he had his phone and computer taken away so the only time we get to talk to each other is at school and even then he's always with his friends and ignoring me half the time. i recently started going to church with him and i have a good time but one day out of the week is not enough. i just don't know what to do anymore...
Helpful - 0
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