InLaws

[babycree]

Hello every one! Im almost due! Due date is Christmas! Came to ask you all for a good advice.  My husband family which i see 4 times a year! But only see mine family once a year.  Only why I'm saying this because I'm having a little Girl i want the best for her!. As a first time mom i want to get use of being mother by staying home until she turns one! I don't want to take her to my inLaw house an stay one night until I'm ready. His family stay 3hours away! My family stay 13hours away. I feel like i have to bother him are asking him to visit my family.  

[babycree]

Thanks ladies happy hoilday. To you all an your family.  She say things like you sure you want the baby,he already has two kids himself. I'm like I'm 26 yrs old an yes I'm ready, his first baby mother was 16 yrs of age. Then his ex had a baby by his cousin an lie to him about.  I told her your son always wanted a baby at home with him when he wakes up the baby will be there. She say things. Like. I hope the baby makes it,  she also say.his ex girlfriend wants him back i never told her he was married with a baby on the way.. I'm glad ladies we live 3 hours away. Less drama for me an him

[specialmom]

This is a hard situation. Hopefully your husband can help bring about peace by clearly explaining his expectations to his mother that she treat you politely.  Living in peace with in laws is important and hopefully this woman will get on board and do her part!  good luck and happy birthing!

[shelly448]

I am sorry that your mother-in-law is negative towards you. This is actually quite common. Mothers often feel replaced by their son's wives and therefore subconsciously blame them for "stealing" their sons. Nasty comments are just her way of saying she is jealous she is no linger her son's #1 woman. Don't take it personally. Right now you have to think about what would be best for the baby. And for you and your husband. Even though your mother in law may be a pain in the butt sometimes, you will probably be glad for her help once in a while. Babies are very hard work. And to have someone watch the baby even for an hour so you can shower or nap will be a huge help. Your best bet is probably to try to maintain much contact with both families. It is amazing how much your life changes when you have a baby. Focus on the baby and not on the comments. and be glad for any help both families might be able to give to you. (Unless of course they get really nasty or are a danger to the baby) I wish you all the best!

[nursegirl6572]

What is she saying?

[babycree]

Thank you so much ladies! I don't want to keep mon one family away from my unborn child
I'm due really soon! My husbandmother is so rude the stuff she say why. I'm pregnant, you'll be hurt to that she said it. Negative comments about the unborn child steady praying for me she talks aboute an the baby

[RockRose]

babycree,  I think I'm understanding you to say that because you can't visit your own family easily,  you want to not visit your husband's family for the first year of your daughter's life,  to make things even out?  Because you so rarely see your family,  you're thinking of shutting his family out also?

I TOTALLY understand the sentiment behind this - and kind of the guilt and sadness - but I think this is a very bad idea.

If his family is warm and loving and would be a good influence on your daughter,  visit them as often as works out and don't be petulant about it.   It sounds like you feel like your husband is being petulant about visiting your family,  also.

I don't understand,  with such relatively short distances,  why you don't get together more often,  actually,  if the interactions are positive.  

I think both families are going to want to know your baby,  and enjoy her babyhood.    When you're not physically visiting,  you can include them in email and facebook type interactions with loads of pictures -

Best wishes - enjoy your little one.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with SM.

You said you don't want to so stay at your in-laws' until you're "ready".  Ready for what?  Are you worried about travelling with a young baby?  There's no reason you can't.  Babies actually travel a lot better than people give them credit for.  

Definitely go out of your way to encourage that relationship with both sides of the family.  You don't want to snub your  in-laws, either indirectly, or directly.  They will be just as excited to be involved in the baby's life.  Being a good daughter in law sometimes takes work, as you're always more likely to want to spend more time with your own family.  It's so important that you include them as well.

Good luck with the baby!  Congrats!

[specialmom]

Hm, trying to follow your question.  If you want to and are financially able to stay at home with your daughter for her first year, you should.  It's a wonderful thing to be able to do that.  I personally love being with my kids and having nothing pulling me away.  Lots of woman also like to work and that is what makes them happy or what is necessary for their finances.  Every person has to decide what works best for your family.

So, if your partner is in agreement, then stay at home.

I'm not sure what the family part of it has to do with anything.  If his family lives 3 hours away and yours 13----  they wouldn't be providing childcare as that wouldn't be practical.  (obviously).  Are you talking about visiting?  

Well, you'll notice and actually want to encourage more involvement in your life by grandparents, aunts, and uncles once the baby is born.  They'll want to see the baby and build a foundation/relationship with her.  This is a good thing.  You should try to faciliate this.  

You can do that by inviting them to visit you more than 4 times a year or one time a year and even an open door policy for whenever they want to come---  you would enjoy them getting to know your daughter.  If you are not working, it is easier to go and visit family yourself as well.  You could go to your family and stay a couple of weeks or his family and stay a weekened.  

Your partner doesn't have to go with you to visit your family.  As a stay at home mom, my husband will sometimes stay and work and I take the kids off to do something.  no big deal.  

If you go to your in laws for one night---  wouldn't you stay as well?  That would seem reasonable.  You don't have to be away from her until you are ready ----  your choice as the mother.

So, I don't know if I hit on your question.  let me know if I missed the mark.