Our members have given you their best advice they can offer. At this point, there is nothing but further speculation to add and we wish you well in understanding this situation.
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This person is a flirt period and none too smart at that. We've all known flirts before and their ego get's in the way of making sound decisions about their actions - I personally resent being fodder for such nonsense in my dealings with others, it bores me, it's predictably and leaves me feeling dirty and used. It's like the person who laughs too long and loud and you get that they just like to hear themselves (look at me listen to me = ego) regardless of how irritating it might actually sound to others - (yeah i was married once to a too loud laugher ha) . Personally, i don't like drama at my doctor's office, but I'm 58 and have a handle on my own mortality at this stage. To each their own in their own good time. Good luck with this.
I think you are looking for a stamp of approval for what in your heart you know is a poor decision. And I really believe, you likely aren't the ONLY person he does this with. This isn't special to him, this is how he entertains himself during his work day, by being inappropriate with naïve women. True story--- I had a doctor I saw as a patient regularly. This doctor was very handsome but very inappropriate. He mostly said things that were borderline about wanting to be with me but then crossed the line one time and I no longer would be seen by him. He was a married man in a classy community practicing medicine where he resided. Well, about a year later, he lost his license completely from our state's medical board because he had ONE woman report him and then others came forward too.
Don't kid yourself. Find a better way to get your ya ya's out.
NO - this is not normal behavior. Far from it. He is supposed to be a professional (with a license) you could report him! I wouldn't hesitate to change doctors no matter what the circumstances.
You just have to think about this situation down the road to see what would definitely happen if it should develop. He has made it plain that he has a wife and kids. He has shown much too much interest in you sexually. A hug is not on. He is boasting about his income because that is the way men get women to think they will be getting a lot of presents. He is holding a carrot in front of your nose. If he can get you into bed, he will have won. Brief affair all over - he will lose interest after he conquers you. 'Shark and the bleeding fish'. This is predatory behavior and I am amazed he is willing to risk his license for this. He has made it quite clear, talking about his family, that he has no intentions of leaving his wife. He is blatantly chatting you up.
Further on down the road, should an affair ensue, you would be hurt - no doubt about it. He will not leave his family for you, as soon as you get serious with him and start making demands, he will drop you just like that.
Then you will be forced to change doctors.
Original poster here. I had to return to my doctor for follow up lab work and also for a referral.
In this last appointment, he spent about 45 minutes with me. He spent at least 15 minutes just chatting with me, bringing up his wife numerous times. He was still fixing his wedding band (taking it off his finger for a few moments). He also examined my rings, holding my hand to do so. Then he was talking about his children and his home and bragging a bit about his finances. He was sitting a bit close to me, leaning in.
Later in the meeting he stood up in front of me to take my blood pressure. He stared down at me for several seconds. I looked up at him and after a few moments he gave me a hug. This was without any notice. I was confused because I assumed he was talking about his wife to put boundaries between us...
I had gotten slightly sad earlier in our appointment when I was talking about my health problems, but only *a little bit* (I didn't think I had been very emotional).
Later I had mentioned that I was sorry for bothering him with all of my questions and health problems and he said I could come in any time because "I enjoy your company."
Again, I am having trouble reading this situation. It is so confusing. What does it sound like to you? Is he just being empathic or are the boundaries being blurred?
I'm sorry if this is getting repetitive. I know some of you have suggested that I switch doctors and I did take that under advisement but it's a complicated situation for several reasons and I need to have someone who can give me the referrals I need.
Hi, I am a bit of a hypochondriac myself and have had many, many doctors in all kinds of specialties. I had one doctor who like yours who called me up one day at home and asked me if he could come round. Huh! I slammed down the phone.
At the present time I have a doctor who comes into the room and always tells me how lovely I look today, how my hair looks really great, how slim I am etc. etc. Then it's on with business. So in short, I really think your doctor is one that flatters every female who comes into his office and that you are not 'special' at all. You are just one of many. Sad, but true in most instances. That must be his style. As he is a married man, and you must know that an affair would be a disaster both to his marriage and to your feelings, and must be out of the question.
As I see it you have three choices - either get another doctor, or never, ever mention anything personal with him or comment on what he says about his personal life. Or when he begins this behavior tell him outright that his behavior (i.e. the way he treats you) is making you feel really uncomfortable. This really is your problem, as to how you react. Keep it professional. I feel sure that he would not risk losing his licensee over a flirtation with you.
You have seen a lot of doctors, do you have a diagnosis that they all agree on? Or are you just seeing a lot of doctors trying to find out what is wrong? If the latter, it might suggest you are more likely to be susceptible to flattery from communications that are intended as mere commonplace remarks. You say you have been feeling neglected, and that his attention and compliments feel good, and you say "Assuming it goes nowhere, this will likely leave me feeling rejected and disappointed." Blaming him in advance for not acting on an attraction on his part that might not even exist seems to suggest you have pretty high needs. The higher your needs, the higher the likelihood of your misunderstanding his intent and the higher chance you'll get angry at him. If you are imagining things, you shouldn't be his patient, and if you are not, he can only make his interest clear if you are no longer his patient, (if he would like to make his interest clear).
Choose a different doctor and have your chart transferred to the new doctor. Write a note to the old doctor, thanking him for his many courtesies and saying you hope you'll bump into him in the hospital cafeteria sometime so you can hear how he is doing. Then leave it alone. If he really has been chatting you up (and the bigger issue -- if you are really willing to have an affair with a married man --), the road would only be clear for him to make a move if you weren't his patient any more.
I frankly think that letting your interest spill into resentment (thinking he might be toying with you, and pre-emptive feelings of grief over a rejection that has not even happened) is kind of a bad sign. It suggests that if you did manage to put together a fling with him, it might end badly. So another possibility is just to stay his patient and never say anything to him at all about how you feel. But I get that you don't want to go that way.
Any chance he just senses you need a boost of confidence and so throws you some compliment? It would be unethical for him to flirt. He may just be a nice guy. Agree that for the sake of you both, it may be best to switch to a different doctor.
It does sound like he is crossing the line when it comes to professional demeanor. If he is an M.D., there are probably rules against being flirty like that and if he doesn't watch himself, he might have to explain himself to his licensing board.
To keep yourself in hand, please remember, it's easy to get a crush on an authority figure, stemming from feeling flattered that the perceived power person in the relationship is singling you out. Either just ignore it, or possibly enjoy it, but don't let yourself take it seriously. If he does this with you, he undoubtedly does it with others as well. It might just be his style or he might be fishing for whomever will give him a tumble, but it's not that flattering, it's taking advantage of his one-up status in the relationship for possible free sex (if it came to it). Good luck with that.