Aa
Is my doctor flirting with me?
I have a medical condition that needs to be managed regularly.
The first time I went to my GP he gave me elevator eyes (looked me up and down) and I felt that he stared at me. He was also touchy-feeling, squeezing my shoulder and just being very friendly, leaning in, etc. Then he started complimenting me at every visit. He told me at different times, that I have a nice smile, that he liked my shoes, that he's always happy to see me because I'm a nice person, that I always look nice, and that he's proud of me. Always at least one compliment per visit.
He did mention his wife once, but as he was talking about her he switched his ring from the ring finger of his left hand to his right for a moment and then back again. Confusing behavior!
He has also asked me "how are things at home" but I have read that this is a question doctors ask to screen for domestic violence.
We are about the same age. I know he is married but his compliments and attention is making me have a crush on him. From what I described, do you have any idea what his intentions are?
The first time I went to my GP he gave me elevator eyes (looked me up and down) and I felt that he stared at me. He was also touchy-feeling, squeezing my shoulder and just being very friendly, leaning in, etc. Then he started complimenting me at every visit. He told me at different times, that I have a nice smile, that he liked my shoes, that he's always happy to see me because I'm a nice person, that I always look nice, and that he's proud of me. Always at least one compliment per visit.
He did mention his wife once, but as he was talking about her he switched his ring from the ring finger of his left hand to his right for a moment and then back again. Confusing behavior!
He has also asked me "how are things at home" but I have read that this is a question doctors ask to screen for domestic violence.
We are about the same age. I know he is married but his compliments and attention is making me have a crush on him. From what I described, do you have any idea what his intentions are?
Our members have given you their best advice they can offer. At this point, there is nothing but further speculation to add and we wish you well in understanding this situation.
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This person is a flirt period and none too smart at that. We've all known flirts before and their ego get's in the way of making sound decisions about their actions - I personally resent being fodder for such nonsense in my dealings with others, it bores me, it's predictably and leaves me feeling dirty and used. It's like the person who laughs too long and loud and you get that they just like to hear themselves (look at me listen to me = ego) regardless of how irritating it might actually sound to others - (yeah i was married once to a too loud laugher ha) . Personally, i don't like drama at my doctor's office, but I'm 58 and have a handle on my own mortality at this stage. To each their own in their own good time. Good luck with this.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think you are looking for a stamp of approval for what in your heart you know is a poor decision. And I really believe, you likely aren't the ONLY person he does this with. This isn't special to him, this is how he entertains himself during his work day, by being inappropriate with naïve women. True story--- I had a doctor I saw as a patient regularly. This doctor was very handsome but very inappropriate. He mostly said things that were borderline about wanting to be with me but then crossed the line one time and I no longer would be seen by him. He was a married man in a classy community practicing medicine where he resided. Well, about a year later, he lost his license completely from our state's medical board because he had ONE woman report him and then others came forward too.
Don't kid yourself. Find a better way to get your ya ya's out.
Don't kid yourself. Find a better way to get your ya ya's out.
1 Comments
I don't think mintchip really wants any advice, I am sure of that. You seem to want to repeat, repeat, repeat her story. I have said about all I can say. If she has an affair, he will soon drop her when she starts to get too demanding, then she will be forced to get a new doctor anyway.
NO - this is not normal behavior. Far from it. He is supposed to be a professional (with a license) you could report him! I wouldn't hesitate to change doctors no matter what the circumstances.
You just have to think about this situation down the road to see what would definitely happen if it should develop. He has made it plain that he has a wife and kids. He has shown much too much interest in you sexually. A hug is not on. He is boasting about his income because that is the way men get women to think they will be getting a lot of presents. He is holding a carrot in front of your nose. If he can get you into bed, he will have won. Brief affair all over - he will lose interest after he conquers you. 'Shark and the bleeding fish'. This is predatory behavior and I am amazed he is willing to risk his license for this. He has made it quite clear, talking about his family, that he has no intentions of leaving his wife. He is blatantly chatting you up.
Further on down the road, should an affair ensue, you would be hurt - no doubt about it. He will not leave his family for you, as soon as you get serious with him and start making demands, he will drop you just like that.
Then you will be forced to change doctors.
You just have to think about this situation down the road to see what would definitely happen if it should develop. He has made it plain that he has a wife and kids. He has shown much too much interest in you sexually. A hug is not on. He is boasting about his income because that is the way men get women to think they will be getting a lot of presents. He is holding a carrot in front of your nose. If he can get you into bed, he will have won. Brief affair all over - he will lose interest after he conquers you. 'Shark and the bleeding fish'. This is predatory behavior and I am amazed he is willing to risk his license for this. He has made it quite clear, talking about his family, that he has no intentions of leaving his wife. He is blatantly chatting you up.
Further on down the road, should an affair ensue, you would be hurt - no doubt about it. He will not leave his family for you, as soon as you get serious with him and start making demands, he will drop you just like that.
Then you will be forced to change doctors.
1 Comments
Thank you for your feedback. Is a hug initiated by him really unusual??? And also, he mentioned that I was tan. This definitely seems blatant to you? I thought so too but then I was explaining away his behavior
I guess at the end of the day I need to think long and hard about switching. But the worst thing is that, in addition to flattering my ego (and confusing the heck out me) he really is a very good doctor otherwise. Against my best judgment I also have developed feelings towards him...it's a tough situation.
I guess at the end of the day I need to think long and hard about switching. But the worst thing is that, in addition to flattering my ego (and confusing the heck out me) he really is a very good doctor otherwise. Against my best judgment I also have developed feelings towards him...it's a tough situation.
Original poster here. I had to return to my doctor for follow up lab work and also for a referral.
In this last appointment, he spent about 45 minutes with me. He spent at least 15 minutes just chatting with me, bringing up his wife numerous times. He was still fixing his wedding band (taking it off his finger for a few moments). He also examined my rings, holding my hand to do so. Then he was talking about his children and his home and bragging a bit about his finances. He was sitting a bit close to me, leaning in.
Later in the meeting he stood up in front of me to take my blood pressure. He stared down at me for several seconds. I looked up at him and after a few moments he gave me a hug. This was without any notice. I was confused because I assumed he was talking about his wife to put boundaries between us...
I had gotten slightly sad earlier in our appointment when I was talking about my health problems, but only *a little bit* (I didn't think I had been very emotional).
Later I had mentioned that I was sorry for bothering him with all of my questions and health problems and he said I could come in any time because "I enjoy your company."
Again, I am having trouble reading this situation. It is so confusing. What does it sound like to you? Is he just being empathic or are the boundaries being blurred?
I'm sorry if this is getting repetitive. I know some of you have suggested that I switch doctors and I did take that under advisement but it's a complicated situation for several reasons and I need to have someone who can give me the referrals I need.
In this last appointment, he spent about 45 minutes with me. He spent at least 15 minutes just chatting with me, bringing up his wife numerous times. He was still fixing his wedding band (taking it off his finger for a few moments). He also examined my rings, holding my hand to do so. Then he was talking about his children and his home and bragging a bit about his finances. He was sitting a bit close to me, leaning in.
Later in the meeting he stood up in front of me to take my blood pressure. He stared down at me for several seconds. I looked up at him and after a few moments he gave me a hug. This was without any notice. I was confused because I assumed he was talking about his wife to put boundaries between us...
I had gotten slightly sad earlier in our appointment when I was talking about my health problems, but only *a little bit* (I didn't think I had been very emotional).
Later I had mentioned that I was sorry for bothering him with all of my questions and health problems and he said I could come in any time because "I enjoy your company."
Again, I am having trouble reading this situation. It is so confusing. What does it sound like to you? Is he just being empathic or are the boundaries being blurred?
I'm sorry if this is getting repetitive. I know some of you have suggested that I switch doctors and I did take that under advisement but it's a complicated situation for several reasons and I need to have someone who can give me the referrals I need.
2 Comments
Well, it's not getting repetitive except I have to wonder what is happening on your end. This is feeding something in you or else you would find a new doctor. :>) You have a crush as well? Otherwise, this is really a no brainer. If I had to go to a doctor and spend the time there and after trying to figure out if he is interested in having an affair with me verses focusing on my health care needs, I'd say no thanks and move on. You are feeding off this perhaps. It's drama and exciting and makes you feel titillated or something? That's all I can figure out.
I don't know his intentions. None of us will. But he is making you focus on him rather than the fact that you are there as a patient. If that's not okay with you, yes. /Change doctors. but you may need to be honest with yourself about this. :>) What's really going on with YOU? good luck
I don't know his intentions. None of us will. But he is making you focus on him rather than the fact that you are there as a patient. If that's not okay with you, yes. /Change doctors. but you may need to be honest with yourself about this. :>) What's really going on with YOU? good luck
Against my better instincts, I do have a crush. I don't know where it came from because I certainly was not looking for one. I suppose it IS feeding some need that I have.
Is there any way this is normal doctor behavior?
Is there any way this is normal doctor behavior?
Hi, I am a bit of a hypochondriac myself and have had many, many doctors in all kinds of specialties. I had one doctor who like yours who called me up one day at home and asked me if he could come round. Huh! I slammed down the phone.
At the present time I have a doctor who comes into the room and always tells me how lovely I look today, how my hair looks really great, how slim I am etc. etc. Then it's on with business. So in short, I really think your doctor is one that flatters every female who comes into his office and that you are not 'special' at all. You are just one of many. Sad, but true in most instances. That must be his style. As he is a married man, and you must know that an affair would be a disaster both to his marriage and to your feelings, and must be out of the question.
As I see it you have three choices - either get another doctor, or never, ever mention anything personal with him or comment on what he says about his personal life. Or when he begins this behavior tell him outright that his behavior (i.e. the way he treats you) is making you feel really uncomfortable. This really is your problem, as to how you react. Keep it professional. I feel sure that he would not risk losing his licensee over a flirtation with you.
At the present time I have a doctor who comes into the room and always tells me how lovely I look today, how my hair looks really great, how slim I am etc. etc. Then it's on with business. So in short, I really think your doctor is one that flatters every female who comes into his office and that you are not 'special' at all. You are just one of many. Sad, but true in most instances. That must be his style. As he is a married man, and you must know that an affair would be a disaster both to his marriage and to your feelings, and must be out of the question.
As I see it you have three choices - either get another doctor, or never, ever mention anything personal with him or comment on what he says about his personal life. Or when he begins this behavior tell him outright that his behavior (i.e. the way he treats you) is making you feel really uncomfortable. This really is your problem, as to how you react. Keep it professional. I feel sure that he would not risk losing his licensee over a flirtation with you.
2 Comments
Thank you for your thoughts. I do think it's possible he flirts with every woman. I wonder if that helps get him repeat business?!
However, I will say his level of friendliness is way beyond what I have experienced before.
I am uncomfortable with, quite honestly, how much I like it. I would be disappointed if he didn't mean anything by it. It may sound horrible but it's true.
However, I will say his level of friendliness is way beyond what I have experienced before.
I am uncomfortable with, quite honestly, how much I like it. I would be disappointed if he didn't mean anything by it. It may sound horrible but it's true.
I really understand that, I do. There's nothing better than feeling that somebody finds me sexy.
You have seen a lot of doctors, do you have a diagnosis that they all agree on? Or are you just seeing a lot of doctors trying to find out what is wrong? If the latter, it might suggest you are more likely to be susceptible to flattery from communications that are intended as mere commonplace remarks. You say you have been feeling neglected, and that his attention and compliments feel good, and you say "Assuming it goes nowhere, this will likely leave me feeling rejected and disappointed." Blaming him in advance for not acting on an attraction on his part that might not even exist seems to suggest you have pretty high needs. The higher your needs, the higher the likelihood of your misunderstanding his intent and the higher chance you'll get angry at him. If you are imagining things, you shouldn't be his patient, and if you are not, he can only make his interest clear if you are no longer his patient, (if he would like to make his interest clear).
Choose a different doctor and have your chart transferred to the new doctor. Write a note to the old doctor, thanking him for his many courtesies and saying you hope you'll bump into him in the hospital cafeteria sometime so you can hear how he is doing. Then leave it alone. If he really has been chatting you up (and the bigger issue -- if you are really willing to have an affair with a married man --), the road would only be clear for him to make a move if you weren't his patient any more.
I frankly think that letting your interest spill into resentment (thinking he might be toying with you, and pre-emptive feelings of grief over a rejection that has not even happened) is kind of a bad sign. It suggests that if you did manage to put together a fling with him, it might end badly. So another possibility is just to stay his patient and never say anything to him at all about how you feel. But I get that you don't want to go that way.
Choose a different doctor and have your chart transferred to the new doctor. Write a note to the old doctor, thanking him for his many courtesies and saying you hope you'll bump into him in the hospital cafeteria sometime so you can hear how he is doing. Then leave it alone. If he really has been chatting you up (and the bigger issue -- if you are really willing to have an affair with a married man --), the road would only be clear for him to make a move if you weren't his patient any more.
I frankly think that letting your interest spill into resentment (thinking he might be toying with you, and pre-emptive feelings of grief over a rejection that has not even happened) is kind of a bad sign. It suggests that if you did manage to put together a fling with him, it might end badly. So another possibility is just to stay his patient and never say anything to him at all about how you feel. But I get that you don't want to go that way.
6 Comments
> I frankly think that letting your interest spill into resentment (thinking he might be toying with you, and pre-emptive feelings of grief over a rejection that has not even happened) is kind of a bad sign.
I do value your feedback, and maybe I am a bit sensitive to rejection. If I could explain my feelings further (if you haven't tired of the topic by this point!). I feel that he has brought up feelings in me by being overly friendly. I LOVE that feeling but I wouldn't love it if he rebuffed me! Yet I am worried that if I suggested anything further he would reject me.
That's why I worry that he could be toying with me. In other words, trying to get me to have a crush on him for his own ego boost. I hope that's not the case. I mean, the ball is in my court and this is not a comfortable position for me since I like the man to take the lead.
Maybe that's the wrong way to look at things? Some years back I had someone track me down all the way to my dorm room in college to ask me out, only to reject me shortly thereafter. It left me feeling like he had chased me only to toss me away. I guess I am just sensitive to feeling that sort of thing again.
I feel that IF he's flirting, I hope it's not without intent. I will consider your suggestions as it's good advice. But I am really nervous to switch because he's also a great doctor.
I do value your feedback, and maybe I am a bit sensitive to rejection. If I could explain my feelings further (if you haven't tired of the topic by this point!). I feel that he has brought up feelings in me by being overly friendly. I LOVE that feeling but I wouldn't love it if he rebuffed me! Yet I am worried that if I suggested anything further he would reject me.
That's why I worry that he could be toying with me. In other words, trying to get me to have a crush on him for his own ego boost. I hope that's not the case. I mean, the ball is in my court and this is not a comfortable position for me since I like the man to take the lead.
Maybe that's the wrong way to look at things? Some years back I had someone track me down all the way to my dorm room in college to ask me out, only to reject me shortly thereafter. It left me feeling like he had chased me only to toss me away. I guess I am just sensitive to feeling that sort of thing again.
I feel that IF he's flirting, I hope it's not without intent. I will consider your suggestions as it's good advice. But I am really nervous to switch because he's also a great doctor.
AnnieBrooks, to answer your question I did see a lot of doctors in an attempt to get a diagnosis. I now have one but it was a long process. I prefer not to say but it's in the real of an autoimmune condition.
You said "Maybe that's the wrong way to look at things?" It gets very convoluted for you to say somehow he should know what reaction he will elicit in you and protect you from feeling rejected if he wasn't serious. He would have to be a mind reader. You are an adult, in charge of your own feelings. Blaming him for them is inappropriate.
If the issue is that he has an overly warm style that means nothing, or he is a flirt, or he is trying to set up an affair, or he is deeply interested and thinking of leaving his wife over you, no matter what, you are responsible for how you react. He can throw as many softballs as he wants, it's up to you whether to pick one up or leave them all there.
If the issue is that he has an overly warm style that means nothing, or he is a flirt, or he is trying to set up an affair, or he is deeply interested and thinking of leaving his wife over you, no matter what, you are responsible for how you react. He can throw as many softballs as he wants, it's up to you whether to pick one up or leave them all there.
Another way for you to address it is to talk directly with him about it. Tell him that his style (compliment-giving, eyeing you, touching you and leaning in) confuses you; that if he was single you would think he has personal intentions, but that since he is married such comments and actions could hardly be intended as personal. Yet they seem personal. And that given that personal attention would not be honorable, you would really rather he kept things strictly business. Saying something like that might open the window on the situation and let a little fresh air of reality in.
AnnieBrooke, thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate having a different perspective. I guess I am stuck in my thought pattern about it. What I am thinking is that he should anticipate how his comments might come across. I wouldn't want him to say or do those things in a flighty, thoughtless manner...only if he likes me.
I will consider everything you have said. I am really stuck because it is very difficult for me to switch doctors because of the condition he is treating me for, yet it is hard to live with my as-of-yet-unrequited crush. (It's not that I can't switch doctors, but doing so makes it harder for me to get the treatment that I need.) It puts me in an awkward position, and bring it up makes me feel vulnerable.
He has toned it down with the staring, touching, and leaning in (not the compliments, which he continues to give) so I wonder if he realized he was crossing a line at some point. Or maybe he is hoping that I give him a sign of some sort. However, the boundary of our patient-doctor relationship is something that I am quite aware of and thus I haven't felt confident enough to say anything directly.
I will consider everything you have said. I am really stuck because it is very difficult for me to switch doctors because of the condition he is treating me for, yet it is hard to live with my as-of-yet-unrequited crush. (It's not that I can't switch doctors, but doing so makes it harder for me to get the treatment that I need.) It puts me in an awkward position, and bring it up makes me feel vulnerable.
He has toned it down with the staring, touching, and leaning in (not the compliments, which he continues to give) so I wonder if he realized he was crossing a line at some point. Or maybe he is hoping that I give him a sign of some sort. However, the boundary of our patient-doctor relationship is something that I am quite aware of and thus I haven't felt confident enough to say anything directly.
You would be offended if he was flirting with you in a "flighty, thoughtless manner" but it would make you happy if he likes you? He's a married man; all of your puzzlement about his sincerity kind of pales in comparison to that fact. Think about it, somewhere is a woman who thinks her beloved husband would not hurt her, and he's dancing on the edge of that. You all deserve for you to remind yourself that your crush is your responsibility, not his. Doing something about it would be a moral mess and a professional minefield, don't go there. Enjoy your conversations and shrug it off.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Any chance he just senses you need a boost of confidence and so throws you some compliment? It would be unethical for him to flirt. He may just be a nice guy. Agree that for the sake of you both, it may be best to switch to a different doctor.
1 Comments
Thanks for weighing in. This is certainly possible and he might be doing this. I have wondered this myself. I probably do need a bit of a confidence boost. However, it's a fine line and I wonder if he has crossed it. I am not trying to sound egotistical but I have gotten feedback from others that I am above average in looks. Therefore, I do wonder if he is genuinely complimenting me and if so, why would a primary care doctor do this...as in, couldn't it get you in trouble to be flattering your patients who are the same age as you?
It seems like a tricky space to be in and I am just wondering what his thought process is here. I am just feeling really confused and hope he isn't toying with me. Switching his ring to a finger on the other hand was REALLY odd behavior I thought, although I don't know if he did it consciously or not. It did have me wondering if this is some secret code for, "want to have an affair"? I'm not saying it is but it sure was odd to me.
It seems like a tricky space to be in and I am just wondering what his thought process is here. I am just feeling really confused and hope he isn't toying with me. Switching his ring to a finger on the other hand was REALLY odd behavior I thought, although I don't know if he did it consciously or not. It did have me wondering if this is some secret code for, "want to have an affair"? I'm not saying it is but it sure was odd to me.
It does sound like he is crossing the line when it comes to professional demeanor. If he is an M.D., there are probably rules against being flirty like that and if he doesn't watch himself, he might have to explain himself to his licensing board.
To keep yourself in hand, please remember, it's easy to get a crush on an authority figure, stemming from feeling flattered that the perceived power person in the relationship is singling you out. Either just ignore it, or possibly enjoy it, but don't let yourself take it seriously. If he does this with you, he undoubtedly does it with others as well. It might just be his style or he might be fishing for whomever will give him a tumble, but it's not that flattering, it's taking advantage of his one-up status in the relationship for possible free sex (if it came to it). Good luck with that.
6 Comments
Thanks for your thoughtful response. So may I ask, do the compliments specifically seem over the top? They really throw me. Also, the switching of the ring. He literally moved the ring onto a finger on his right hand as he spoke about his wife. I could not tell if this was conscious behavior on his part or not, but it was strange to me. I don't know what kind of reaction he is looking for from me.
You are there for a professional reason. This is not how doctors behave when in the middle of doing their jobs. If his demeanor were appropriate to the situation, if the topic led to a mention of his wife he would talk about her more comfortably. (Or else not at all because the conversation would not turn personal in the first place. I've had a lot of doctors close to my own age and we've had interesting conversations during exams, but never once have the conversations involved extravagant compliments or mentions of their wives or other personal topics.)
If you don't know how to behave, just remember how you have behaved with any other doctor, one that you aren't flattered by. There is no upside to flirting with a married man, and a crush is not worth the grief. I think he's grooming you and testing you, to see how far he can get.
If you would like to check this theory, call his office and ask to be shifted to a different doctor. Then wait and see what happens.
If you don't know how to behave, just remember how you have behaved with any other doctor, one that you aren't flattered by. There is no upside to flirting with a married man, and a crush is not worth the grief. I think he's grooming you and testing you, to see how far he can get.
If you would like to check this theory, call his office and ask to be shifted to a different doctor. Then wait and see what happens.
> If you would like to check this theory, call his office and ask to be shifted to a different doctor. Then wait and see what happens.
Thanks so much for your advice! Are you thinking I would hear from him if I did this? Or not?
Thanks so much for your advice! Are you thinking I would hear from him if I did this? Or not?
I don't think him being serious about leaving his marriage for you sounds like what is going on, but if he was, and if you changed your status so you were not his patient any more, that would clear the path of one obstacle. But don't get your hopes up. If he was in love with you to the point where he is considering leaving his marriage, he would probably have said something to you about it whether or not he would risk getting kicked out of the medical profession for having a relationship with a patient. He sounds more likely to be not serious, or to be overly friendly in an out-of-the-norm way, or else like he's looking for a tumble and testing to see what he can get. If he is not serious or just being friendly, you won't hear from him. If he is looking for a tumble but nothing else, you might hear from him. And if you don't care if he is married and would happily have an affair, if you are no longer his patient at least his career wouldn't be jeopardized by such a relationship.
I read that a convention the doctors discovered that just about every one had a patient who thought he was having a relationship with him, and misread every activity during their appointments, by thinking they were signs that he wanted a relationship. i have no idea what your situation is, however it does happen.
AnnieBrooke, thank you for your thoughts and feedback. The way I feel is this: IF he is not interested in me, and is just being nice, I wish he didn't say these things in the first place because his attention, and his comments on my appearance, are bringing up a lot of strong feelings in me.
Assuming it goes nowhere, this will likely leave me feeling rejected and disappointed. I know this all sounds terrible, but I have been feeling neglected for some time, so the comments and compliments just feel so powerfully good. I can't help how I feel.
I guess what I am saying is, if someone puts certain things out there they shouldn't do that unless they mean it. You shouldn't make a lot of comments towards someone's appearance if you don't intend for them to go anywhere or be taken a certain way; that just comes across like you are just toying with them. I hope he isn't doing that!
I love the attention and compliments a little bit too much, I suppose!
AnxiousNoMore, thank you for your feedback and for the information! I agree with you that this is definitely possible. The only thing I would say is that I have seen many doctors (at least 8 in the past few years) and not a single one has been this touchy-feely or complimentary. In fact, I don't recall a single doctor ever making a comment to me about my appearance in any way at all other than this doctor. So although I don't know his *intentions*, his actions certainly stand out to me as unusual.
It might not be a problem except that I am left wondering about his intentions and wishing for him to have intention behind his behavior. I know this is problematic but I am struggling with these feelings all the same.
Assuming it goes nowhere, this will likely leave me feeling rejected and disappointed. I know this all sounds terrible, but I have been feeling neglected for some time, so the comments and compliments just feel so powerfully good. I can't help how I feel.
I guess what I am saying is, if someone puts certain things out there they shouldn't do that unless they mean it. You shouldn't make a lot of comments towards someone's appearance if you don't intend for them to go anywhere or be taken a certain way; that just comes across like you are just toying with them. I hope he isn't doing that!
I love the attention and compliments a little bit too much, I suppose!
AnxiousNoMore, thank you for your feedback and for the information! I agree with you that this is definitely possible. The only thing I would say is that I have seen many doctors (at least 8 in the past few years) and not a single one has been this touchy-feely or complimentary. In fact, I don't recall a single doctor ever making a comment to me about my appearance in any way at all other than this doctor. So although I don't know his *intentions*, his actions certainly stand out to me as unusual.
It might not be a problem except that I am left wondering about his intentions and wishing for him to have intention behind his behavior. I know this is problematic but I am struggling with these feelings all the same.
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