Avatar universal

Is my ex lying about pregnancy?

I met this girl one night and we hit it off pretty well. Probably too well because we later had unprotected sex.

This was around December 10. I was at college then and then went on winter break until around January 10. During that time, I began to realize that I didn't really love her the way I should and I began to distance myself from her around a week after we first met. Around December 17, she told me that she was late and that it was probably nothing. A couple days later, she said she took a test on the 17th (the day she told me she was late) that told her she was pregnant but didn't want to tell me immediately. I haven't seen the test and it's been a month and I can't tell if she is showing yet.

If she is pregnant, I want to help her make the right decision. I believe that decision is abortion. She has heart problems and a very small body (about 100 lbs) along with psychological issues and I don't think carrying to term would be good for her. As for me, I am a broke college student who isn't emotionally or financially ready to be a father.

Since she told me she was pregnant, she has lied about getting an abortion...twice. Obviously, I can't trust her after lying about something this big, twice. Because I want to help her as much as I can, I keep getting sucked in. I want to be her friend but she only wants me romantically stating that we've "crossed a line." I've told her that I don't we should date because it would be toxic because we don't know each other well enough for a relationship, hence starting at friendship.

I found out she has been in an abusive relationship previously with her last boyfriend. When I talk to her, I have to be very sensitive to her because she will lose her **** if I say anything that she doesn't like. She has threatened to sue me (her dad is some type of lawyer) several times when she is upset but when she calms down, she says she would never do that.

I guess I'm really scared that she is actually pregnant and will pursue legal action against me. I understand that fathers have pretty much zero rights in this cases like this which is another thing that scares me. She doesn't want to do an abortion because it is ethically wrong but is an atheist and anthropologist. We've had some philosophical discussions on life and agree on pretty much every topic.

What should I do to find out if she is lying? What should I do if she isn't? Keep in mind that she will freak out if I undermine whatever trust we have left.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Only time will tell if She is pregnant

that being said

In this day and age, Men are responsible for Their own sperm.  That translates to : don't ever, ever, EVER have unprotected sex.


because there is a certain amount of failure rate for every/any birth control method, don't have sex with someone You are not ready/willing to make a Baby with - it's as simple as that.  This is good advice for Men as well as Women.  

This would equal no 'unwanted' Babies.  What a Wonderful World that would be.

........just saying
Avatar universal
Didn't you just post here using another name?

How is this person an "ex" if you just met her and had sex with her?  Just wondering.


It doesn't matter if she has psych issues or physical issues or any of the other insignificant things you've mentioned about her..........the FACT is YOU slept with her without using protection and WITHOUT knowing much about her and YES she may be telling the truth, HOWEVER, no one here can tell you if she is lying or not.  Time will tell.

In the end it's about what she wants NOT you because it is her body.  You can't demand or force her to have an abortion because you are a poor college student who is not emotionally or financially ready for a child.  

Before getting all worried about the "what ifs" WAIT until she produces a baby.  Meanwhile, cut all contact off with her AFTER telling her to contact you when the baby is here.  No one can pursue legal action against you for doing that.

Everytime you take a woman to bed there is ALWAYS a risk of pregnancy whether there's a condom involved or not, so if you are poor and not ready for child then conduct yourself in manner that reflects that.

Avatar universal
To add:  why do you care if you undermine her "trust" if you are trying to fade her out of your life?  
134578 tn?1614729226
If you had sex on December 10 (I realize you say "around" December 10, what does that mean exactly?) and she told you on December 17 that she was pregnant (how did she tell you this, by email?  Because you said you were gone until January 10, so it doesn't sound like she told you in person) -- anyway, 7 days is a very short timeline for discovering a pregnancy.  I would explain that if you are the father, you will be confirming of course with a DNA test when the baby comes, and in the meantime you would appreciate no contact because to you the story is not adding up.
3060903 tn?1398565123
I agree with AnnieBrooke that you need to distance yourself and let her know that when the baby is born, you'll need DNA testing. Until then, try to be calm, what will be , will be. Whatever you do, you must stay in school and finish your studies. That should remain your priority.
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