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7251241 tn?1389564212

Is my sister jelouse of my baby on the way?

Ok so.....a few weeks ago, me and my sister got into a huge argument over something stupid, I said sorry for my part & got nothing but abuse back. I have recently found out I am expecting & have just got a new lovely house. Three weeks later she is telling people I am a "****" "idiot" and saying that I am lying about being pregnant. I have tried to ask her why on earth is she reacting like this, but all I am getting is tons of abuse daily now to the point she is dragging the subject of our dead father up & getting her friends to make jokes about it.

What on earth is causing her to act like this? She is out of control. She has been wanting to fight me, but I will not fight whilst I am carrying my child.

I thought it was jealously, but she already has two kids but her relationship has broken down. I have gone from having nothing to having a big new house and a baby on the way.....

Why is she acting like this because I cannot get an answer out of her........:/
14 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  There is no way anyone will know for sure.  But I would ignore the things she is saying about you to others.  Just laugh it off if someone approaches you about it but don't get into it at all with them.  This will just feed the drama.  Do not fight with her.   Tell her you love her and hope you two can be close again.  And then just do your own thing.  Let her be.  In fact, keep your distance a bit and don't approach her at all about this.  Say the same thing all the time---  I love you and hope we can be close again.

Don't ask anyone or mention her being jealous of you.  That can be a little belittling.  Keep that question in your head and don't say it out loud.  She could be but it would be hurtful to suggest it yourself to her or anyone else. (not here but real life people in your life or hers.)

good luck
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh my goodness.  I just noticed who was posting this.  Sharon, I'm sure she is not jealous of you.  You've got major issues with your boyfriend hon.  Certainly she is aware.  

Your big house is a house of cards sweetie.  it will fall on you if you are staying just because of that.  

good luck
480448 tn?1426948538
Oh boy, I very strongly agree with specialmom.

With all due respect hon, you need to start prioritizing what you spend your time and energy on.  You're going to be a mother.  In order to be a good Mom, that requires having common sense, and making smart decisions based on what's safest/best/healthiest for your child FIRST, with YOU a close second.  You could have the nicest home in the world, but if you stick around with an abusive partner, because of that house, then you're setting both you and baby up for a lifetime of heartache and fear.  NOT good.

What's more important, a safe, drama free, abusive free life for your baby (who will depend on you for everything), or having a nice house?

I really think you would benefit from some parenting classes, to prepare yourself, and also, counseling, to try to find out why you continue to stay, despite knowing it's the worst idea in the world.  As for the issue with your sister, it just sounds like more drama.....you'd be wise to ignore it, not feed it.

Good luck to you.
7251241 tn?1389564212
Right, why do you people have to be so nasty, no I was not saying she is jealous of me, I was just saying its really coming across like that and I don't know why and giving I have a new house its very coincidental. Im not gonna bother coming on here anymore, thanks for making me feel so little!
7251241 tn?1389564212
That comment was uncalled for. She no's nothing of my bf problems
7251241 tn?1389564212
Yes I come on here for advice sometimes, walk in my shoes and you'd understand why I go against it. I don't deserve to talking to in such a nasty approach and that's how its strongly came across.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm, I'm sorry if you think my comment wasn't right to make.  I just think that it is very confusing to read that you need out because he is abusing but that your sister is jealous of your house.  I guess I just don't get it.  And that's okay.  Sorry if you didn't feel supported but I think the best thing for me to do is to say that your living arrangement isn't healthy by your own postings.  No man should hurt a woman.  No man should make a woman feel scared.  And no woman should stay because she has nowhere else to go.  That is a situation that is VERY hard for me to put out of my mind and answer questions like is my sister jealous of my house.  I did answer your question on my first post.  

anyway, good luck with the baby and hope it all works out for you.  wish you all the best, I really do.  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Here is a link to the post in which I sincerely hoped to give you some information for battered women and a number to call in the UK.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/abusive-boyfriend-I-am-pregnant/show/2230720#post_10701562
Avatar universal
You sure do have a lot of drama around you all the time, Sharon.  It's in the best interest of your baby that you eliminate as much of, or all, of the drama from your life before the baby comes.  I would rather not have any kids than to ever bring them into such a toxic, unhealthy, horrific environment as you're currently living in right now. Maybe I'm crazy, but I always thought that moms were supposed to protect their babies from the entire rest of the world, including their own fathers if they are abusive. But every day I see stories like yours Sharon, and it really makes me sad for the kids in these situations because they don't get to have a voice. They have to depend on their mom to keep them safe.  Don't you want your baby to grow up in a happy, healthy, stable home? Unfortunately, you don't have that right now and you won't have that if you stay where you're at right now. You should really think hard about how the choices that you are making now will impact your kid. It's not all about you anymore, Sharon. It's about you AND your baby and it will be, at minimum until that kid turns 18. Please really consider that and start making better choices in your life, for the sake of your baby.
Avatar universal
You've gotten very good advice here.  The above posters are obviously trying to be helpful if they are taking the time to reply to your posts.  One common thread in your post is "abuse."

"Why is she acting like this because I cannot get an answer out of her........:/"............Sharon, only she knows why she is acting the way she is acting; strangers on the web aren't going to be able to provide a solid answer to this particular question of yours.  Perhaps she is going through a lot of heavy issues at the moment being as her relationship had "broken down" and she is not herself.  We don't know.

I sincerely hope you decrease all this drama going on in your world soon because it isn't good for your well-being nor for your unborn child.  Priorities are always needed and necessary.............definitely in order here.

All the best.
3060903 tn?1398565123
i agree that, as a young mother, fueling any further drama is counterproductive. If your sister refuses to talk, and you can't figure out what her problem with you is from inference, then try to let it go and not fixate on it. Focus your energies on your what is available for you to do to provide and protect your child. Honestly, if you insist upon staying with an abusive man, I would say consider foster care. There is nothing so devastating to a child than to grow up in a twisted sick abusive relationship. For kids, there childhood seems like forever. Although my mother never was physically abusive, and did not curse at me, she was unable to provide what she should have emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially because her focus and her priority had to be the big bad man in her life. It  didn't take long before my relationship with my mother, the martyr was totally dysfunctional and one that i wished would just go away. In the end, real estate value is not what matters. Having a loving parent makes up for two that neither can be trusted for making the right decisions by a child.

I'm sorry if you think this is nasty. As a child raised by an abusive male and a emotionally unavailable mother was hell on earth for me. I ended up married to one just as bad as my biological father. I can't even say dad to this day. My mom stayed for the big house on the hill, as it turns out he lost everything and went bankrupt, because he was an A$$ hole. pure and simple. Karma's a *****.

Bottom line, if you want to be despised and called out by your child, continue to stay with an abusive man. That on top of being disrespected for a lifetime ?  I feel so sorry for you that you don't have the ambition to high tail it out of there and finding a really great guy to call home. for you and your child. As it turned out, i didn't need to martyr myself to my first A$$ hole of a husband, After i became available, i was able to find Mr. Right. Someone who is trustworthy, caring, loving, and always puts me and his step son, my son, first. My son knows the score. he knows that I could just as easily shacked up with an idiot, but choose to try to do the right thing and hitch my wagon to a star, not a dud. Your's too will thank you if you refuse to accept abuse. i promise you that.

SM was not being nasty Sharon. She was stating only facts that you yourself provided. and ways of dealing with your situation that would be most beneficial to you and the baby. You shouldn't fault someone for caring.
480448 tn?1426948538
I'm sorry you took offense to our replies, but Sharon, can you not see the point we were trying to convey?  You have this strange "disconnect"...you posted multiple times about how abusive your BF is (he sounds awful btw), and people here tried to reach out to you, and urged you to do whatever it takes to get yourself out of the situation.  We can't help but to worry about people in those situations, you know?  

But then, you return to post about mundane things like this.....almost like the abuse situation doesn't exist.  It's like your posts were written by different people in different circumstances.  That kind of apathy towards a very very serious situation is alarming, hence our comments.

In a recent thread, you explained how you have nowhere to go, that's why you stayed with your abusive partner.  Then, in this thread, you say this...

"I thought it was jealously, but she already has two kids but her relationship has broken down. I have gone from having nothing to having a big new house and a baby on the way..... "

Can you see how the two thought processes/topics don't make sense together?  How there is a disconnect in your worrying process?  In other words, you have SO many more bigger, MUCH more serious things to worry about...and focusing on something like this only makes you less likely to try to help yourself (and baby) get out of a dangerous situation.

I only wish the best for you...which would be you moving heaven and earth to get away from your abusive BF.  You cannot "change" him, and abuse always progresses.  It will get worse, and sadly, soon there will be a baby at home.  That scares the daylights out of me.  I'll also say that parents that allow their children to be in a situation where they witness and/or are subjected to abuse are culpable themselves.  You have a legal and moral responsibility to provide your child(ren) with an abuse free, safe living environment.  I really REALLY hope you start making changes, and fast.  I'm so sorry you've been through this....but it's time to do something about it.
480448 tn?1426948538
I urge you to reread your thread about your BF:

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/abusive-boyfriend-I-am-pregnant/show/2230720#post_10714126

There's some scary stuff in there.  Your BF sounds like a ticking time bomb, and what's sad is, you were ready at that moment to say "enough is enough".  What changed?  Did you buy his promises to change?  Did he threaten you if you leave?

Your TOP priority needs to be getting as far away from his as possible.

Good luck.
3060903 tn?1398565123
Those who inflict physical mental verbal and spiritual abuse are complex creatures that need a lot of help to raise them above themselves. Most have no idea, or simply don't care. They have no empathy, and they are tuned in to manipulate. Abuse is a progressive condition. It is like a cat playing with a mouse, until they decide to check out another mouse, a more alive, naive and playful mouse, not the broken down scarred runt that they've created. Sound like a good place to raise a child? I'll say it again, your child will blame you fully for any harm that comes to them. Unfortunately kids that come from abuse are statistics before they ever have the chance of true happiness. Find out why you accept abuse, and fix that. Don't try to fix a sociopath. You've got far better things to do with your life. and unless you're a trained professional, it's unlikely you've got a chance.
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