In-law help

[Crystal0]

I have a sister-in-law I have a lot of issues with. I can't stand being around her or her kids. My husband feels similar, more about the kids than his sister though. She LOVES that they are "unique".... Meaning out of control. They're so disrespectful and sometimes physical (the oldest child who is 7 punched me in the stomach 3 times a few weeks ago and just seriously thought it was funny). Both the 4 year old and 7 year old have serious behavioral issues that aren't addressed- the behaviors are actually ADORED by the parents.
My SIL/BIL are part time parents- their careers are #1 priority, so their 2 kids are with my MIL half the time. She has no backbone to say no, much to HER husband's dismay. My husband is in denial about it, saying MIL loves it and she would say no if she had a problem with it. There is not a week that goes by those kids aren't staying at grandma's for at least 2-3 days a week. bIL drops them off too when SIL is out of town.
They live 1/2 mile away from each other. They have been for decades now (even when SIL moved, MIL moved two months later, just down the street again).
So, the latest thing that I'm stressing about:
SIL decides to throw a b'day party for her kids who are turning 5 and 8 this month.
The party will be at a local military fort and will consist of archery and team building exercises.
Actual archery. Real weapons/bows. In the hands of 3-8 year olds. Seriously, about 12 kids age 3-8.
Would you feel comfortable taking your own kids to a party like this?
My kids are the same as age as hers. There will be lines of kids with one adult instructor watching while parents are on the sidelines. Feel like losing an eye? Going to jail for involuntary manslaughter?

I said no way. My husband agreed. Immediately upon responding 'no thanks' to the party (email), SIL called husband and implied I was being paranoid about the risks. Now my husband wants us to go for the second hour- no archery though ( yippee....team building exercises). He's insisting on it. Probably because my MIL cornered him last month pressuring him to know if I didn't like them. He told her we don't like having our kids around the other two- they pick up bad habits. Which by the way, would YOU say something to MIL for doing that? I haven't- and have always been cordial, but WE have scaled back on visits since the kids are always there.
So, I think SIL and MIL are insisting to husband.
What would you do?

[specialmom]

As to your bigger issue of not appreciating your sister and brother in law and their kids, that's hard.  It's family.  I would find a way to try to bond with her.  I always found that the more I judged another person, the more I'd be humbled in my own life.  Most parents do try and it is important to try to see that aspect.  We can always pick apart others if they do things differently than we did.  I try to accept it and not think too much about it (especially causing bad feelings within myself about someone). But I also protect myself.  No, not okay to hit you.  You can say "please don't hit"  to the child and then to their parents "hey, he's gotta stop that, right?". It's okay to make your feelings known to solve a problem but do it in a way that doesn't seem judgmental.  good luck

[specialmom]

I am absolutely sure that the party at a military base will be under controlled circumstances if they offer archery as an activity. My kids began archery at a young age through scouting.  In first grade, they went to day camp that involved controlled archery and bb gun shooting.  They have instructors that monitor the kids.  They aren't running around with bows and arrows.  :>)  

So, I would be less inclined to worry about that if held at a location that provides this as an activity for paying guests.  To me, as a mother of two boys, it sounds like an awesome party that kids will love.  

Just my two cents.

[ScalpMassager]

As a kid I Really Enjoyed local archery (& 5-pin bowling) sessions organized by the community army camp recreation department in the community our family lived in over one summer.  Well supervised, good training.  I think I was eleven.  

I can't imagine kids 8 and under horsing around with bows and arrows in a party setting.   Considering the (children and adult) behaviour issues, I'd leave the kids in the car until you saw for yourself that the archery bows had all been put away.