Is this in love?

[sunscreen_gr]

Hi all,

I have just realised that in every instance (as far as flirting and new connections appears) of my life I do not feel, instead I reproduce anxiety feelings such as the feeling of rejection or even a squeeze in my heart (I cannot explain it better). For example I just met a girl last Sunday, went out on Tuesday and she called me on Wed (yesterday). I feel all these weird feelings though I think it is too short to be in love with her, and again if I am just excited. Is this normal behaviour?

In general, I behave like that in most new connections, as the girl I mentioned, and when the new connection shows her interest on me I am bored! On the other hand, when she refuses to get connected mentally and physically (and physically it is not have to be just sex) I am bored again (this is new behaviour for me, some time ago I was more anxious).

Is this proper behaviour?

[sunscreen_gr]

specialmom,
Firstly your english is too good :) can you review smt for me???? (this is a semi-joke as I am applying for an MBA shortly and they need 3, 300-worded essays ;) )...

Anyway, to the point... I got feedback from a friend recently, and she said that I look to wrong direction while pursuing women. When someone gets feedback he/she needs time to process it... I am realising my friend's words and it is (well was) absolutely true, trying to change ...(Realise is the first step, Change is the first action)

The pull/push approach mentioned by you it is indeed awful, I was in this mood for some time and it does worth nothing.

My feeling is that if you know the person before (school, last job, current job, friend's friend), even just glancing, I think it is much easier to connect with her/him when you actually meet. The girl mentioned in my first post, we went to school (I do not remeber, she does) ... so from the beggining we have many things common to share...

And yes, I am seeing a therapist (clinical psychologist) to clear things out basically ...
Thanks indeed for your time...

[specialmom]

Thanks for the further information as that is very helpful.  Your desires for what you want in a woman do not seem outlandish.  But it is hard to find that perfect fit.  Many people feel as you do, trust me.  You shouldn't settle but also remember at the same time that it is good to have a goal list and get as close to your goal as possible but you may have to bend a little here and there.  The problem in looking for the perfect woman is that she is looking for the perfect man---------  and no one is perfect.  See what I'm getting at?  But I think I would continue doing what you are doing and at some point it will click and you will feel like you are getting the whole package or willing to compromise on a thing or two because the rest of the package is worth it.  Try not to fall into that pattern of the push/pull chase as that is somewhat destructive.  You seem pretty introspective which is great and you will be able to moniter yourself.  Do you do it with the women you aren't that interested in at the begining?  But when they pull away after slight rejection you feel like you are alone so maybe you are making a mistake and get interested again?  Well, then pursue woman that you have that connection with from the start.  I wish you luck and think this will work out fine.  If you persist in being single and wanting more and feel like your own actions vs. just not meeting the right person yet are hindering you . . . then a therapist is there to help.  goodluck

[sunscreen_gr]

I do flirt a lot, and for me there are some barriers that one should not cross while the partnership is in initial stages. For example I will be disapointed if she text me thrice a day. Another aspect is attraction, flirt is one thing attraction is another. I can get a girl's number at a bar for example, though attraction may never existed from the befinning (either on her side or mine). There are other things going on in my mind, my mood, a hard day at work, etc...

Communication is the most important thing for me (and of course acceptable charm). If we communicate smoothly every moment with her will be very enjoyable.

Though, if I want to go further in a relationship I need a girl that has similar backgrounds with me (born and lived in the same city, works in a descent job, hanged around to similar places in the city, in general having the same code), though I also need to learn and to be learnt new things, or same things in a different perspective.

It is very easy writting this, though it is very complicated to locate this girl. I can get a girl with similar backgrounds though the communication faults, or vice versa Or even I can get a girl with similar backgrounds and the communication is super, though she is ugly.

And then, what about sex?

It is complcated to be in a serious relationship. I am 32 not 52 to resign easily. ;)

[specialmom]

Well good.  I am glad that you have moved a relationship out of the initial phase.  Why do you think you lose interest once they start to respond and like you?  What are your own feelings for why you do that?

[sunscreen_gr]

And I also I had some 1 to 2 month relationships

[sunscreen_gr]

specialmom,
I am 32, I did have some lengthy relationships, namely 2.5 years (distanced, on and off), 10 months and 9 months respectively. The last 3 (almost) years I am single, and I did have some therapy during this time.

[specialmom]

I am sometimes concerned about patterns like this.  They often repeat . . . eventually you may tire of this but if you do not and desire a close, committed relationship I would recommend some therapy.  Have you ever experienced a relationship of any length so that it moves out of the initial phase?  If it seems difficult for you to get to that point, you may need a professional to help you sort that out.  goodluck

[sunscreen_gr]

Thank all, you made laugh... and the girl I mentioned? oh, the communication is f..cking fluent... this a thing to start isn t it ..;)

[Judy246]

also, you will know when you have found the one, because the most hottes, beautiful woman can pass by and you will only have your heart, eyes and thoughts for that special one. It's call passion! Hard to find, but when you do, it's like life take on a whole new meaning at least for a while, until reality hit (lol!)

[imanaddict]

It sounds to me as if you like a challenge (most men do!). Judy had great advice about you will know in your heart when you have met the right person. When you meet the "one" you won't have any of those anxiety feelings. It will be like no other relationship you have ever had. And she also mentioned if you are bored, don't waste their time or yours. Move on to the next woman and see where it goes. Don't continue to date someone if you aren't feeling them, that wouldn't be fair to them or to you.

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for!

[Judy246]

I think you have just not found the one lady you want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship. Love is simple if you are with the right one. You will want to be with her 24/7. You feel joy, happiness, passion and will not stop thinking about her. You heart will tell you when it's the right one, so right now, I don't expect you to just fall in love with them instantly, but the right one will be naturally and mutually and she will love you for who you are no matter how good or bad you look in the morning :)

If you are board, let that be a "red flag" warning sign, that she is not the one. Also, relationship have to grow and mature (like watering a small plant and watch it grow), so you can't expect everything right away. Right now, enjoy life, don't break hearts and make sure if you are not interested in them to tell them that you are not looking to be in an exclusive committed relationship at this point. They will get the message....good luck, Judy