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Avatar universal

Just broke up

Me and my boyfriend broke up on Friday on our 1 year anniversary.  He gets mad quite a lot.  And so this day, I was buying dinner for our anniversary, and the first thing he says when he walks in the door is "My car is out of gas, you'll have to drive"....so I tease him and say "Oh, you are making me pay for dinner ANd drive...just kidding!" and I give him a kiss.  So we get in the car and start going downtown, I park in free parking where we would have to walk a little ways to the restaurant, he starts complaining saying he wants to just get out of the car and go into the restaurant, he doesn't want to walk.  so I tell him, stop complaining, I'm trying to do something nice for you and buy you dinner.  So I move and pay for parking so we don't have to walk as far.  Then he starts complaining saying I should've told him to bring a jacket since its so cold (its winter, wouldn't he know himself?)  So i tell him again, please stop complaining, I'm buying you dinner you should be a little more appreciative of me!  So he tells me that I rub it in his face that I'm buying him things and he doesn't want ANYTHING from me anymore.  I tell him I was trying to say that he should just be more appreciative and not be mean.  We are at the resturant and he orders a water  (this is usually a dr pepper) and he ignores me, I try to talk to him, and ask him what's wrong and how I'm feeling...nothing.  So I ask him why he isn't listening to me...he says he doesn't wanna talk to me.  I tell him I can't be treated like this.  The waiter comes out and I order my meal, he says he doesn't want anything....well he loves steak so I tell the waiter to bring him out a steak and my ex says that he rreally doesn't want it and to not bring it out.  I ask my ex whats wrong, and by this time I was really upset....he just started playing with his straw....so i told him he can't treat me like this and if he's even listening to me.....nothing.....so, i know this was wrong, but I pinched his cheek a little harder than i intended to get his attention, that made him really mad!  So he gets up in the middle of the restaurant and says really loud "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU FU**IN B**CH" and he walks out!  So that is what broke us up.  I'm just making sure that IS a good reason to break up???  He does have very touchy feelings and gets mad over the smallest thing!  I'm just so in love with him...and I don't know if I'm just scared to be alone and that's why i want him back so bad, or if it was a stupid reason to break up with him?
29 Responses
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Avatar universal
Thanks!! :)  

I do appreciate EVERYONE!!  All of your comments have helped so much!  
Helpful - 0
712964 tn?1287076618
trust me i understnad what your going through my husband is just like that and was when he was just my BF the thinh is guys are stingy and think that their right about everything because their suppose to be the Alpha male well you did the right thing i know it hurts and im sorry to here about it but it will get better i promise just keep your head up
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Avatar universal
Wow everyone! All these great comments and all this support is even helping ME get through some of the time times. Some of you do a wonderful job at putting certain things in perspective and making us gals feel better. :)  Thank you all....
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568659 tn?1256139982
BE STRONG GIRLIE :)
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Avatar universal
Thank you for putting it into perspective!  He was never there emotionally for me....he would always tell me he didn't want to be with me if I was not perfectly happy, even if it was him that made me upset.  And you are right...I was alone!  Thank you so much! :)
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much!  I'm going to print out your comments and read them over and over when I get weak!
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189069 tn?1323402138
Honey, the way it seems, if you'd continue your relationship with this man, he would make you a really depressed, perhaps abused woman. I can see why he got offended if you did keep telling him that you were buying him dinner, but that does not give him a right to complain the whole time or be so mean to you. I'm glad that you've been strong and not gotten back with him.  Stay strong honey and thank God that you got out of that one in time :)
Helpful - 0
177641 tn?1189755837
Daisy, you say you don't want to be alone but you ARE alone. Just because a man is physically available doesn't mean he's emotionally available. You might have someone to sit with at dinner, but that's all. You still don't have the specialness that makes a relationship tick. That's not your fault. This one just isn't *the* one. That has NOTHING to do with you - it's all his issue.

Believe me, there are guys out there, stuck with difficult girls, wondering whether is they leave, will they ever meet a nice girl that they can be with. You know, the kind of guys who will smile *with* you because he knows you worked hard to afford a nice meal, and won't feel threatened or punish you for doing well in your life. There are great guys out there, who once you get to know them, STAY sweet and caring (it's not just a temporary phase). They won't jerk you around or make you drive an extra block just to show that - even though you have money - they're still in control.

The only catch is meeting a great guy takes time, and usually happens after some disappointment. But that's because, like you, they're rare. So it takes a little chance and some luck meeting them. When it happens, you'll know what you were missing from this guy with no hard feelings. Good luck!
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13167 tn?1327194124
Daisy,  sometimes guys get in some kind of a pissy mood,  and don't seem all that happy.

But for him to say that to you loudly in a restaurant,  something is gravely wrong with him boyfriend-wise.

If that was the only thing he ever did that seemed off,  I'd still think that was enough.  As it is,  he's always whizzed off about something.

What do you like about him?  I hate him already and I've never met the guy.  I bet people at the other tables haven't forgotten that scene,  you trying to placate,  him being an a*hole.

Good riddance to bad trash,  I say.
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152852 tn?1205713426
I'll copy and paste my last comment again below (you obviously didn't read that part):

"Not saying I think you do, just wondering if his perspective of you could be very different than your perspective of you.  It sounds like you still should not be in a relationship with this guy regardless--just giving you something to think about."

Obvious a case of he's wrong, you didn't do anything wrong within the relationship.  However, what you DID do wrong is choose poorly.  Especially if this isn't the first time you've chosen this type of guy.

All the best to you.
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Avatar universal
"its not always up to him to pay!"
------------------------------
Says him (and you listened)

I never understood women who pay for dates and its not just because I am alot older than you because even when I was your age, some of my friends paid for their boyfriend or would go half. I always told them they were off their rocker.

You said you are afraid of being alone, but there are plenty of good men out there and no reason for you to be alone, but let a man be a man and let him pay for dinners and things like that. Maybe thats why he seemed to resent you that night. If he is going thru hard times with money, so that his ego doesn't get hurt by you paying, you could have made a nice candle light dinner or something. And if he's NOT going thru hard times job wise or whatever - there is no reason for you to pay. You are creating a monster. I'm serious. Next you'll be feeding him grapes.  I'm good to my husband, but when we were dating the only time I paid for his dinner was his birthday. Once you get married its all one pot - so thats different, but break them in right!  Yep, I know cheap men hate to hear things like this -but real men and women that aren't libbers would agree - maybe. Well doesn't matter if no one agrees. I wouldn't be with a man who expects me to pay for anything period.

I'm not saying this to offend you, but don't buy a mans love. It won't work. Men like a challenge. There are so many women that will fall all over a man - dime a dozen, let a man pursue you, not you him.




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Avatar universal
This is the type of guy that everything that does not go his way will be your fault. I am guessing that you are already contemplating taking him back. Arent you?  Come on, be honest!
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Avatar universal
Thanks so much!!  And its good to hear from other people that are going through the same thing.  Its so hard to be strong!  He always texts, trying to be so nice, so i think he's changed...but he hasn't.  I'm sorry to hear about your breakup!
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Avatar universal
Definitely good enough reasons to break up with him. I am also going through a difficult breakup right now (also at our 1 year point) and it's like I keep trying to convince myself that maybe it is actually better to be with him instead of without him.. But NO. Be strong! You deserve better!  And seriously, in all honesty, I also thought I was reading a post from a 16 year old! His behavior is ridiculous and embarassing. Time will help, but you should stay strong and move on!
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Avatar universal
NO..pinching his face is NOT common, I know it was wrong, but he wasn't listening to me, he wouldn't even look at me!  I barely pinched him, i didn't squeeze his cheek.  AND NO!!!!  I don't buy him things to control him!!  Where would you even get that!?  I hardley ever buy him anything!  I bought him dinner twice last week, so what?  We had been dating a year, its not always up to him to pay!  I have never tried to control him!
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152852 tn?1205713426
Is this the same guy you broke up with in June?

Sounds like you'll be better off without him.  That said, is it possible that your perspective of your part in this relationship is inaccurate or slanted?  Could it be possible that his perspective of you is very different than your perspective of you?  Just wondering if pinching his face like that is common or if you buy things to control him or perhaps how you say things isn't how he hears them?  Not saying I think you do, just wondering if his perspective of you could be very different than your perspective of you.  It sounds like you still should not be in a relationship with this guy regardless--just giving you something to think about.
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Avatar universal
Thank you!  I hope that its soon!
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145992 tn?1341345074
You will, you always feel like that but then you move on and eventually meet someone new that you start developing those feelings for.  It takes time but your situation is still fresh.  You need to give it a chance.  It is hard but you will see as time goes by it gets easier.
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Avatar universal
I can't believe that!!  Its crazy!!  I'm so scared I won't find someone I love as much as him though!  And I won't have the same feelings...and be excited to see if...and wanna be with him so much...and the same for him.
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Avatar universal
I have an ex husband like this.  No matter what I did he was never happy with me.  I had a car that was in perfect condition, it was paid for, it was my first piece of good credit and I was VERY proud of myself for owning it.  Anyway, his truck's lease ran out and he was unable to finance it because his credit was crappy at the time, so he was left without a vehicle.  I let him use my car to go back and forth to work with, and he griped about it the whole time.. "the car is too small", "your car smells funny", "I can't stand a standard car", "the car is burning oil", blah blah blah blah.. so when it came time to buy a new car for him, he wanted to TRADE my car in!  The dealership only wanted to give $200 for my car!!  I was in tears because he kept insisting that I needed to trade it in because it was old and ugly and was a piece of sh*t.  I said F you, i am NOT trading my car in!  In the time it took him to finally work out a deal on the SUV he was buying he by "accident" left the handbreak down on the car 2 times in three days.. my car rolled into a busy Maryland suburb street... by the grace of God no one hit the car, or was hit by it.  Just because it was mine and because he was in a lousy spot in life, he had to make me feel lousy too.  Like you whatever I did nice he found a way to make me look like an a**.  If I paid for dinner "it s*cked", if I paid for a movie "it s*cked", anything that I paid for he hated. period.  I honestly think it is some kind of chemical imbalance that blocks them from accepting and appreciating the things they are given.  

The most complicated part of my relationship was that he wanted me to throw myself at this feet and lick them if he paid for something for me.  I mean he would throw a hissy fit if I did not whale over how wonderful he was for thinking of me and appreciative for the things he did for me.  It was such an uncomfortable marriage.  Constantly walking on eggshells and constantly having to watch what you do or say... it's just not normal.

You cannot please people like this.
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Avatar universal
That's true...if I get back with him then he will just go back to his mean self after a couple months like before!
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145992 tn?1341345074
Of course he's being nice.  He wants you back.  But I guarantee his behavior will be on the up and up for a week or so and then he will pull that bs act on you again soon.  He's very immature and ungrateful.  You are better off without someone like that.
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Avatar universal
I agree, its hard to see just because i'm in love with him.  So the things he does I don't see as a big deal, and that's why i was having second thoughts.  But a couple days before that, i got a coupon for dinner at two meals for $12.50.  So i took him out to that, and he decided after I paid that he didn't like the food they served so he didn't eat.  And then he got mad for no reason and told me that I was being mean because he wanted to go get my money back and I didn't want to make a scene.  so he went straight home.  I just feel like I work hard to make him happy and nothing works!  But now I feel guilty because he is being nice, but i can't give in!
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Avatar universal
So yeah, after reading what you wrote, honestly you are so better off without him. He needs to grow up and stop acting like a baby. And if he loved you he never ever would have said such a hurtful thing to you. My boyfriend of almost 2 years gets mad at me and the same goes that i get mad at him, but we never do stuff like that to one another. I'm sorry but I think your ex needs to grow up and stop acting like a 2 year old.
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