So this discussion is based purely on the emotional aspect of love and nothing physical. Sorry to be such a buzzkill.
I should start out by saying I am a hopeless romantic. Secondly, my father has dealt with codependency issues with women his whole life. As I have observed him and his revolving door of women, I have started to see that plenty of his relationships ended because he wasn't getting enough attention, or he felt inadequate. I am twenty four. I have slept with... I don't remember. I think it has been around twenty, plus or minus one. And even before then in high school, I was always in a relationship of some sort with a girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Lastly, Social anxiety, depression, and ADD runs in both sides of my family. My grandmother on my mothers side committed suicide in a mental institution. My grandfather on my fathers side was a bitter and miserly old drunk with a horrible temper and absolutely no friends. My grandmother has bad social anxiety and does not know how to communicate. So, what does this say about me is the first question? I know I have been diagnosed with all three disorders, and I have a lot of trouble with insecurity, self-confidence, and dysmorphia, even though I am completely normal. Plus, I keep falling in love with emotionally "troubled" women, but at my age, most women and men are pretty damn troubled.
There were periods and peaks of sexual sleaziness, unfaithfulness, and liberation in my life. But I have found myself in love again with the woman of my dreams. Here is my problem. She suffers from a lot of the same problems with her emotions and her past that I do. She is always incredibly depressed. And even when I find myself happy, she drags me down into the depths of her emotional well being. Now I am in Brazil for three-four months and she is still finishing her Bachelors in the States.
I really do love her. She has everything I love and want in a woman. Intelligence, wit, spontaneity, physical attraction, and she really accepts me for who I am. And me the same for her. I have always been there for her, and I will continue to, but she is hinting at a possible break (which in most cases is permanent), and if she doesn't (because a big issue for her is trusting her decisions), then I really feel I should break from her. I am still young. I am in a transformational period of my life, and the independence would help me as well. Plus, I'm in ******* BRAZIL!!!!!!!!
But I love this girl! But she drives me crazy! But I am afraid of being alone again!!! But I want what is best for her!!! And me!!! I have the same effing problems as her!!!!!!
I feel like I am doomed to suffer the same fate as her. If we do not work out, I think I am going to throw in the towel again and revert back to sleazing around and straying far from commitment. But I really cannot accomplish this feat if I am not confident and creative in my life. Anyway, I am a mental mess these days.
So my question is...
Is it clinically proven that love is a fools game? That you have to be insane to love someone? Or you have to not love and value yourself somehow?
What do I do with myself? How do I stray away from this impending doom that I always feel? Am I doomed to just be a bachelor and be sad and lonely my whole life?
Oh, and I am also graduating from college amidst this economic catastrophe. These are all the factors, just a connection of one or two dots will help. I don't expect anyone to answer everything.