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Avatar universal

Love and the Mind

So this discussion is based purely on the emotional aspect of love and nothing physical. Sorry to be such a buzzkill.

I should start out by saying I am a hopeless romantic. Secondly, my father has dealt with codependency issues with women his whole life. As I have observed him and his revolving door of women, I have started to see that plenty of his relationships ended because he wasn't getting enough attention, or he felt inadequate. I am twenty four. I have slept with... I don't remember. I think it has been around twenty, plus or minus one. And even before then in high school, I was always in a relationship of some sort with a girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Lastly, Social anxiety, depression, and ADD runs in both sides of my family. My grandmother on my mothers side committed suicide in a mental institution. My grandfather on my fathers side was a bitter and miserly old drunk with a horrible temper and absolutely no friends. My grandmother has bad social anxiety and does not know how to communicate. So, what does this say about me is the first question? I know I have been diagnosed with all three disorders, and I have a lot of trouble with insecurity, self-confidence, and dysmorphia, even though I am completely normal. Plus, I keep falling in love with emotionally "troubled" women, but at my age, most women and men are pretty damn troubled.

There were periods and peaks of sexual sleaziness, unfaithfulness, and liberation in my life. But I have found myself in love again with the woman of my dreams. Here is my problem. She suffers from a lot of the same problems with her emotions and her past that I do. She is always incredibly depressed. And even when I find myself happy, she drags me down into the depths of her emotional well being. Now I am in Brazil for three-four months and she is still finishing her Bachelors in the States.

I really do love her. She has everything I love and want in a woman. Intelligence, wit, spontaneity, physical attraction, and she really accepts me for who I am. And me the same for her. I have always been there for her, and I will continue to, but she is hinting at a possible break (which in most cases is permanent), and if she doesn't (because a big issue for her is trusting her decisions), then I really feel I should break from her. I am still young. I am in a transformational period of my life, and the independence would help me as well. Plus, I'm in ******* BRAZIL!!!!!!!!

But I love this girl! But she drives me crazy! But I am afraid of being alone again!!! But I want what is best for her!!! And me!!! I have the same effing problems as her!!!!!!

I feel like I am doomed to suffer the same fate as her. If we do not work out, I think I am going to throw in the towel again and revert back to sleazing around and straying far from commitment. But I really cannot accomplish this feat if I am not confident and creative in my life. Anyway, I am a mental mess these days.

So my question is...

Is it clinically proven that love is a fools game? That you have to be insane to love someone? Or you have to not love and value yourself somehow?

And...

What do I do with myself? How do I stray away from this impending doom that I always feel? Am I doomed to just be a bachelor and be sad and lonely my whole life?

Oh, and I am also graduating from college amidst this economic catastrophe. These are all the factors, just a connection of one or two dots will help. I don't expect anyone to answer everything.

Thanks.
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Avatar universal
What reason(s) is she giving for thinking about breaking up?  Similar ones to you?  Or just because you are going to be away for a long time and she doesn't think she can be without you and wait for you that long?  Or something else?

Sounds to me like you love each other and understand each other.  With two people who, from what I can gather, both sound somewhat emotionally volatile, things are bound to be somewhat rocky.  I think you should try and make this work; enjoy what you have, the future will bring whatever it may bring so don't obsess over it too much.
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694961 tn?1228732588
You don't have to be mad to fall in love, but it helps. We don't say "I'm crazy about her" for nothing. Love of any kind is a risk. Who isn't afraid of being alone? I am. Thats why I surround myself with people who care....well, most of the time. I'm just rambling, not making much sense, must be these darn meds. Here's a big cyber-hug for you and your girl. Give yourself one too. All the best
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you've done too much thinking in  your relationship with your gf- may be because you are missing her so much right now. . Nobody would know what will happen eventually-even the most convinced couple. Just wait until you get back together again and work it out together.
Good luck
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Avatar universal
It isn't that I am just afraid of being alone? Though that may be a factor. I really do love her and care about her emotional well being. And I know that she is one of the most amazing women I have ever known and will ever know. We both love each other deeply, but we both acknowledge our histories with relationships and codependency. But that's the catch. We both know that we are right for one another, but we both fell in love at bad times in our lives. We have become bet friends and incredibly intimate lovers. I am prepared to do what is right. But I just wonder if it is possible for us to whether through the trials and tribulations together or if it will eventually ruin us.  

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Avatar universal
If you are afraid of being alone you are in a relationship for the wrong reason.  Healthy love is very rewarding, it is just harder to find it.
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