My boyfriend is into Shemales and has ED but looking on Craiglist

[Jjays8080]

Hi, I'm so lost and searching for advice. I'll get straight to the point. Since my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year he told me from the beginning he has Erectile Dysfuntion but has never had it treated. He blames hurnias he has had in the past. He claims he has always had it. In the beginning of our relationship our sex life was great but he was also taking stimulants purchased at a porn shop to help him stay erect. And about 4 months into the relationship I found on his phone that he was posting adds on Craislist for "man seeking man". And his post was that he wanted to "suck someone off and has some time after work". I looked at the messages between him and a couple of people that was basically straight to the point of where and when but they never actually excicuted it as the messages died off as if they never hooked up. When I found this I was furious! I confronted him and almost ended the relationship. But I listed to him and believed what he said that nothing actually happened he was just seeing. It took a while but we patched things up. Accept for our sex life which has gone down hill. He hasn't been taking the stimulants like he was in the beginning and blames it on that. But since the time I found the Craislist post. I have found that he watches Shemale porn. That's all he watches when I find it. But last night he searched for "guy swallowing Shemale load" and it brought him to basically gay sex that was a man sucking a man off. I am so torn, I feel like this wouldn't be a very big deal if the whole Craislistthing never happened. But since that's what he keeps watching it makes me think that's what he is attracted to and what turns him on and it's just not what I got. He is the kind of guy that would never come out and say he's gay or attracted to men. We have talked about marriage and he claims to want to be with me forever but I'm afraid that down the road he may want to act upon his urges. Another thing I have thought of is what if his ED problem is just because he isn't actually turned on by women. His **** can get hard in a second but won't stay very hard. And never hard enough for him to penetrate me. And as soon as h is close to cumming his **** goes soft but he can still ***. The only way he can *** is by jacking off or me sucking him off. Is his ED related to any of this? Could it be that he isn't turned on by me and really won't admit it. I'm so lost. I love him and care so much about him. But I feel so betrayed when I find him watching tranny porn. It wouldn't bother me if he was watching normal man and woman sex because that is what I can give him. I just don't understand or don't know what to do. Please help!

[Jjays8080]

I appreciate your advice. I am so torn about it. I want to believe him but what I'm so hung up on is the Craislist add. So now I construction check his phone, made him change his email and everything. I have all his passwords. And a location on his phone at all times. I know that sounds excessive but that's how I know he isn't messing around on me. We get along so well. He is like my best friend and I can imagine my life without him. We even bought a house together. What's bothering me now is that he continues to watch gay porn and tranny porn. And I feel like that effects our sex life. I use to be a very sexual person having sex with my partner every single day. But now with him... I've lost it. I have pushed him away and question if he is actually attracted to me. I know this sounds stupid for me to even be considering staying with him as I obviously have trust issues. I don't know what it is. I don't wanna give up on him and I do love him.

[Chima7]

If I were in your shoes I'd end things with this guy. He is clearly very confused about his sexual orientation and there's no reason for you to have to sit around and suffer while he figures it out.

[specialmom]

Oh my.  Well, if he was just curious about shemales and sex of any sort with other men, he could view porn (online these days, readily accessible).  He was on Craigslist soliciting.  That is totally different.  If he were soliciting for females, it would be just as bad.  He was amping up to cheat.  No matter what he says, there is no other way to explain it.  I've had to place an add on Craigslist.  There are steps involved that you aren't going to take 'for fun'.  He was really placing an ad hon.  Don't know about ED.   He sounds to have significant hang ups in general.  And possibly may be gay.  And to me, regardless, if your sex life is this bad and you want a normal, healthy sex life--- then you aren't getting what you need in this relationship.  We date so that we can find these things out before we tie ourselves to someone forever.  If you are okay with a sexless relationship (well, practically) and would be okay with a man who leads a double life-- then okay.  And having a companion would work for some people.  But you'd have to know this and stop questioning it.  Just let it be.  Otherwise, I think this relationship has enough significant issues to warrant your moving on.  good luck