Long term boyfriend and 2 kids, now it's over??? Help!

[Babsi68]

My boyfriend and I have been together a just shy of 5 years. We have 2 kids together. Until about 6 months ago everything was very terrible. I had such high levels of anxiety and depression that I was not a good person. I took the step and talked to my doctor and she put me on meds to help with it all and it took a little while for it to kick in. Through this he's shown patience and kindness and all I've done is tear him apart.
Now were at a point where he loves me and cares about me because were family but he's not sure if it's there romantically so the kids and I have been staying at my parents for a week now and I'm so heartbroken. We've had issues on and off for a couple years now and typical fights over money and cleaning the house and now this may be the end without me getting a chance to try and fix myself to try and fix our relationship.

I'm not sure what to do or if there's anything I can do and I need some kind of advice.

[UnsureMS]

I agree with the above poster. God is who you need to turn to. If this relationship was suppose to be he will help it come back together. Having faith is truly a hard thing when you go through a struggle like this but god is truly in control. Don't give up that this maybe just a storm that you and your family are going to make it through.

Live your life day by day, try to find joy in the little things and don't let anything steal that joy. When you talk to your man follow your heart. I know you will have to communicate with him about the children and other things. You are a strong woman and if you weren't a great partner in the past pray over that to. Nothing is impossible when you let The Lord take control. May god bless you...

[bernardettemalta]

Hello , first of all i would like to tell you that every coupld fights over money , children stres and maybe jobs or house work so when i read you story it wasnt new to me , i understand how you feel ,when you think its late to fix thinks and wish you could go back in time to undo somthing that you wished didnt heppen but we cant do anything , i just  want you to pray to God that if he loves you he will be back to you we his heart open for you, and have faith !!! GOD is big and good , second focous on you children and live day by day to make your life better  


NEVER LOSE HOPE X X X AMEN

[RockRose]

Babsi,  it seems this pattern happens.  One partner isn't a very good partner,  and the relationship continues and continues until the one partner gets well/decides to change,  and then the relationship ends.

I think it's possible he liked the role he played.  As the "good partner" caretaker with you being the lesser partner he had to tolerate.

I usually hear about this dynamic with women who marry an abuser/alcoholic and they keep complaining until the guy finally actually does change and then they say well too late I'm out of here.

I just think it's possible he wanted to have the upper role in your relationship and now that you're whole and an equal,  he's uncomfortable.

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  I first want to say that I'm sorry you are so sad.  It IS hard when a relationship may be over that we would rather continue.

I'm not sure what to say.  For the majority of the relationship, you describe yourself as not a very good partner.  I am glad you got help now but those years of basically mistreating him and the issues that you had certainly would take a toll.  He hung in there a long time with that.  And I think he may just be being honest with you that he's happy you are trying but that he's lost feelings.  It's maybe too late.  

I think if I were you, I'd A. focus on your continued mental health treatment, take medication, work on appropriate ways to handle stress, anxiety and depression instead of taking it out on those around you (and you don't want to have your kids feel the ups and downs of that).  Work on yourself!!  And B.  Ask him to go to couples/marital therapy.  Perhaps with that, he will see you are really trying to repair things AS WELL as working on the issues (because those just don't go away) and maybe he'll try too and you two can begin healing the relationship.  

That's really my best advice for you dear.  Good luck