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Avatar universal

My grilfrined gave me back the ring after a week.

I'm with this girl fro 2 and a half years. The relationship was not build on a solid foundation. From the beginning there were some trust issues regarding her. We meet in a vacation spent some time and after that she jumped into bed with her ex. She said she didn't considered us in a relationship so I went along with this but with a big part of my trust broken. In the first year we had a long distance relationship and her actions were somehow weird around the boys, but she told me that she wants to make friends and stuff and nothing is happening. I became to be posesive and together with my trust issues i made her chose our relationship or hanging out with boys there. She choose the relationship. Anyway, to my disappointment I found out that at some point that she lied to me. There was this man, some teacher of her's, that was hitting on her and she told him to chill me out that she will break all contact with him. The fact is that she didn't and she lied to my face when I asked her if she continued to meet with the guy. Anyway I made it possible to live with this lie also. The problem is that after this year we moved on together and then the fighting started. They were terrible with screams, curses and so on but we always managed to find our way back together. I had some hard time at work in the past 6-9 months and I stopped showing her affection and this drove her nuts. Basically she left home three weeks ago and in a brain dead moment for me I took a ring and proposed her and realized what I lost and did almost everything to get her back. She said yes, but after a week she gave me back the ring and said it was a mistake. She offered a solution to continue our relationship separated but she said that any time, with no reason, there is the possibility for her to change her mind and that she loves me but she can't go on.I couldn't accept that and ended it. Now... my question is if I made the correct choice? I am pretty reconciled with myself but I have some doubts. I must say that even if I stated the negative part of our relationship there were lots of good moments and we actually showed a lot of love to each other. Thank you!
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134578 tn?1693250592
You have to ask if you made the correct choice?  Does something make you think this kind of strum und drang is normal in a relationship?   If you were to imagine a girl with whom you get along, don't have fights and misunderstandings, and feel 'has your back,' would this somehow be too bland to attract you, or not fit your idea of a romance?  Please reconsider your definition of what is attractive, and don't settle for someone who is difficult to be with.  I'm not saying date someone who is boring to you, but there are lots of great people with whom you would click, and who would be easy to be with.   Don't waste any more time on this drama queen, and maybe try to work on your tendency to play into that role too.
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Avatar universal
It doesn't sound like it would have lasted and it's so much easier to break up instead of making the huge mistake of getting married to someone with whom you don't belong and then have to go through an ugly divorce. You've actually saved yourself a ton of grief and potentially a ton of money by breaking this off. In other words, yes you totally did the right thing.
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Avatar universal
Personally, I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone you just described.  She sounds confused and unsure of what she wants.  In fact, she sounds crazy.  

Yes, yes and yes...........you did the right thing.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Sorry for your difficult time.

A couple of things---  you state very clearly that there wasn't a strong foundation to begin with.  Always a problem.
I do think that couples who have immediate relationships as in "we are boyfriend and girlfriend" right off the bat often skip steps needed to get close and truly strong as a couple.  It sounds like you did this by automatically assuming she'd see no one else or sleep with them.  I get not wanting a promiscuous person who sleeps around---  but that isn't what you said.  You make it sound like that early on she should not have been with anyone else because she'd met you and you were dating.  She is right in saying, at least in my opinion, that she wasn't in a committed relationship with you at that point.  So, this leads me to believe that you indeed went right into thinking of yourself as a couple before really dating which DOES skip important steps to building a truly solid relationship.  
And if you can't allow your girlfriend to have male friends and hang out with them and she has to 'choose'--  this is again a problem. Clinging too tightly is a sign that someone may need to work on their own confidence or again, the relationship really has no true roots and can crumble easily.  

I know you are just sharing what was 'wrong' about the relationship and there was a lot of good.  But what I worry about is your own pattern of possessiveness.  I also think you picked the wrong person to be with.  She wants to go out, flirt, isn't quite ready to be settled down.  You're more of that type.  (I am too by the way so I completely get it).  

You proposed in a moment of feeling like you were losing her.  Not good.  It's right and actually mature of her to give the ring back.  Marriage isn't supposed to happen out of desperation of holding onto someone.

Maybe you two will rekindle things as you seem to care for her and she you and a lot of this, to be honest, sounds like she has some growing up to do, you have a lot to work on in terms of self confidence and allow your partner to have freedom with your blessing and trust---  but those things could be overcome.  But not with a ring on her finger prematurely.  

So, take some time and think on this.  Hope I made sense here!  Wishing you the very best
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