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Is he cheating?
Yesterday my husband was at work off-site. He went to a company and was installing phone kits into their vans. It took all day, which I expected it to really.
Funny thing is, he got a text message from his boss saying "can you come to base tomorrow first?" Base is the unit his company is based at. My husband didn't know I saw the message. A while later, I asked him if he'd told his boss he'd finished all the work and he said yes. So it struck me as REALLY odd that his boss would ask him to come to base first - because where else would he go? He has to go to base every morning unless his boss sends him on a job. And he hadn't got any jobs left to do.
So it made me think - has he arranged some time off? To see another woman or something? He could easily have lied about a doctor's appointment or something, and that would explain his boss asking him to go to base first.
Also, when we went to bed, about 10.30pm, he refused sex. He said he wasn't in the mood because I'd been distant with him all night (not true). I assumed he was in a bad mood, so we went to sleep. Normally we have sex 4-5 times a week or more, and he's the only one who refuses sex. So it's not unusual for him to refuse sex if he's tired or not in the mood. But this time it worried me.
I didn't think anything of it, until I went to do the washing this morning.
As usual, his boxers were inside out and on the floor (we sleep naked). As they were black, when I picked them up, it wasn't difficult to miss some stains. There were quite a few, at least 4 or 5. Some were whiter than others. They were all smudges. Some small stains, one which looked lik something had been wiped across a bit. Some had tiny flaky bits in them a bit like tissue, but could be fluff.
I find this really odd. He doesn't wear boxers to bed and we hadn't had sex that night. So where were these stains from? He wouldn't have had the time or opportunity to masturbate as he was at work, and he was with me literally all night. He didn't leave my side even for a minute cos we were watching tv all night.
We did have sex on tuesday night, about 11pm. But he didn't put his boxers on until 8am the next morning (yesterday), so could the stains really be from then?
So it made me think - maybe he met a woman when he was working and did stuff with her? It would explain the stains, and also why he didn't want sex. I would never find out if he cheated at work, so maybe that's why he did it?
Surely if he knew I'd never find out, there's no reason for him not to cheat?
What do you think? Please don't be rude.
Funny thing is, he got a text message from his boss saying "can you come to base tomorrow first?" Base is the unit his company is based at. My husband didn't know I saw the message. A while later, I asked him if he'd told his boss he'd finished all the work and he said yes. So it struck me as REALLY odd that his boss would ask him to come to base first - because where else would he go? He has to go to base every morning unless his boss sends him on a job. And he hadn't got any jobs left to do.
So it made me think - has he arranged some time off? To see another woman or something? He could easily have lied about a doctor's appointment or something, and that would explain his boss asking him to go to base first.
Also, when we went to bed, about 10.30pm, he refused sex. He said he wasn't in the mood because I'd been distant with him all night (not true). I assumed he was in a bad mood, so we went to sleep. Normally we have sex 4-5 times a week or more, and he's the only one who refuses sex. So it's not unusual for him to refuse sex if he's tired or not in the mood. But this time it worried me.
I didn't think anything of it, until I went to do the washing this morning.
As usual, his boxers were inside out and on the floor (we sleep naked). As they were black, when I picked them up, it wasn't difficult to miss some stains. There were quite a few, at least 4 or 5. Some were whiter than others. They were all smudges. Some small stains, one which looked lik something had been wiped across a bit. Some had tiny flaky bits in them a bit like tissue, but could be fluff.
I find this really odd. He doesn't wear boxers to bed and we hadn't had sex that night. So where were these stains from? He wouldn't have had the time or opportunity to masturbate as he was at work, and he was with me literally all night. He didn't leave my side even for a minute cos we were watching tv all night.
We did have sex on tuesday night, about 11pm. But he didn't put his boxers on until 8am the next morning (yesterday), so could the stains really be from then?
So it made me think - maybe he met a woman when he was working and did stuff with her? It would explain the stains, and also why he didn't want sex. I would never find out if he cheated at work, so maybe that's why he did it?
Surely if he knew I'd never find out, there's no reason for him not to cheat?
What do you think? Please don't be rude.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. This is a really old post. some men would confess cheating due to feeling of obligation and guilt. This post is from 5 years ago though.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, we have seen this same question a few times now from you blueberry. I'm sorry you are still worried about his cheating. That makes me think that you have many issues in your relationship and that you just don't feel close to your husband. Do you two ever talk? Being married doesn't usually involve being a super sleuth . . . checking texts, wondering about secret time off from work to mingle with women, investigating the underwear closely . . . It really doesn't. That you feel your relationship requires such action leads me to believe it is indeed in trouble.
I also am wondering about a level of depression and anxiety in you. Have you ever discussed with a physician your anxiety level and racing thoughts? I think that this is something I would consider at this point as well.
So, to recap----------- perhaps a marriage counselor would help you and your husband gain some insight about where you stand in the relationship. You may learn some true communication skills that will allow you to talk things through rather than base everything you believe about your partner on how many times a week you have sex and residue on his boxers. Communication in a real sense will get you much further. The goal is to feel a bond with him beyond sexual so that you can be a real couple of the heart. (sounds good, right?) Then you will worry less that he is out making bad choices.
Second, I think it is time that you speak to your family physician or a therapist on your own about the possible anxiety and low level depression that is underlying some of this. I could be off base on that but think it is worth checking out. good luck
I also am wondering about a level of depression and anxiety in you. Have you ever discussed with a physician your anxiety level and racing thoughts? I think that this is something I would consider at this point as well.
So, to recap----------- perhaps a marriage counselor would help you and your husband gain some insight about where you stand in the relationship. You may learn some true communication skills that will allow you to talk things through rather than base everything you believe about your partner on how many times a week you have sex and residue on his boxers. Communication in a real sense will get you much further. The goal is to feel a bond with him beyond sexual so that you can be a real couple of the heart. (sounds good, right?) Then you will worry less that he is out making bad choices.
Second, I think it is time that you speak to your family physician or a therapist on your own about the possible anxiety and low level depression that is underlying some of this. I could be off base on that but think it is worth checking out. good luck
To get back on the subject of the question instead of gettin off on the to-sniff-or-not-to-sniff question;
Firstly
Get yourself together.You married him for a reason. In my language (dutch) marriage has pretty much the same word as loyalty. I hope you can still look him in the face and ask, because if not, you are probably not in the right state of mind for a relationship.
secondly,
I myself have been in a great relationship for 2 years and even if she would sleep in some guy's bed, I would still have trusted her. Trust is the foundation of every relationship, sexual or not. You do have to put some effort in this on your part.
Of course, if he is cheating on you, it *****. But what-ifs are not going to get you closer to knowing the truth nor trusting him again.
good luck on solving this!
and to all the rest of you guys, stop making her feel bad about checking his underwear. At least she is not paranoid about the hygiene in his "nether regions"
Firstly
Get yourself together.You married him for a reason. In my language (dutch) marriage has pretty much the same word as loyalty. I hope you can still look him in the face and ask, because if not, you are probably not in the right state of mind for a relationship.
secondly,
I myself have been in a great relationship for 2 years and even if she would sleep in some guy's bed, I would still have trusted her. Trust is the foundation of every relationship, sexual or not. You do have to put some effort in this on your part.
Of course, if he is cheating on you, it *****. But what-ifs are not going to get you closer to knowing the truth nor trusting him again.
good luck on solving this!
and to all the rest of you guys, stop making her feel bad about checking his underwear. At least she is not paranoid about the hygiene in his "nether regions"
I know what you mean; my husband works outside 8hrs a day in the Florida heat...phew they STINK.
And it's not just after sex (we have sex, he puts his boxers on...I still don't want to sniff them) but he wears them all day. If he's working in the yard or outside he sweats. Including the nether regions. Holy gag me. Why would anyone want to sniff sweaty nether region sweat mixed with old sex????????????????????????? I hold my breath and toss them in the washer and hope that I get them clean in one wash cycle. lol.
same here, penswriter. No thank you. I KNOW they've got stains on them, and I KNOW they smell like sex. why the heck would I want to get up close and personal with them? If he's cheating I'll just have to find out some other way, because I'm NOT inspecting them that closely.
I'm like el's wife. I go out of my way to NOT touch dh's boxers. I make sure they're wrapped up in his shirt or pants not doing a scratch and sniff.
My wife treats my underwear like a box of Crackerjacks, and she certainly doesn't want the prize that awaits her inside THAT box!
You're killing me...lol. I can just imagine the skid marks that are in those boxers.
This odd fascination with boxers is of concern to me, not your husbands behavior.
I talked to my wife about this, and she said that she goes out of her way to try and not touch my underwear, let alone turn them inside out, or sniff them, or look at them under a microscope, or inspect them for stains. I've wondered, for years, why there's a set of old b-b-q tongs on top of our washing-machine. Well... now I know. No lie, my wife uses them for all things gross, that need to go into the washing machine.
Honey, if you look hard enough in your husbands boxer-shorts, you're going to find something, so my advice would be to stop looking, and start communicating.
It really sounds to me like you should be talking to him about this, and not doing investigative work of your own. Do you really want to become known as the Matlock of boxer-shorts?
I talked to my wife about this, and she said that she goes out of her way to try and not touch my underwear, let alone turn them inside out, or sniff them, or look at them under a microscope, or inspect them for stains. I've wondered, for years, why there's a set of old b-b-q tongs on top of our washing-machine. Well... now I know. No lie, my wife uses them for all things gross, that need to go into the washing machine.
Honey, if you look hard enough in your husbands boxer-shorts, you're going to find something, so my advice would be to stop looking, and start communicating.
It really sounds to me like you should be talking to him about this, and not doing investigative work of your own. Do you really want to become known as the Matlock of boxer-shorts?
let me just be blunt here. If you suspect your husband of cheating, talk to him about it. You are literally going to drive yourself (and him) crazy with the "what ifs." No one here can tell you if he's cheating, we don't know. From what you have described, it could be absolutely anything.
Do you have reasons to believe he's a cheater? Has he ever cheated on you or anyone else in the past? Why all the sneaking around checking his phone/texts?
Do you have reasons to believe he's a cheater? Has he ever cheated on you or anyone else in the past? Why all the sneaking around checking his phone/texts?
Just checked. It is the same person with the stains on boxers from a few weeks ago. Honey, if you think he is cheating then find out, ask and if he denies it and you still don't believe him you can do one of three things, just leave b/c you are unhappy anyway, just deal with it and get council or check into it but be ready for what you may learn. Either he is or your paranoid.
UGH! This sounds so familiar! If she is so obsessed with the thought of him cheating. Just ask! I mean if he is then you know if not there is a problem if she feels this way all the time.
Haven't we seen this post before? My husband has stains in his boxers is he cheating? There is no reason from what you said above to indicate to me that he is cheating. I don't know why that would've been your first thought unless other things are going on. Is he disconnected emotionally? Does he disappear and not come home? Are there times of the day that you can't get in touch with him when normally you could? Is he secretive with his cell phone? Which I doubt since you were able to go through it to see a text message from him boss. A man who is cheating wouldn't let you near his phone. Is money being spent and you don't know where it's going? Is he hanging out with friends or making up friends to get out of the house? Is he dressing up nicer or cleaning himself up when he leaves? My point to you is, there are other factors that go into cheating and it will be clear indications based on my examples above. If all you got is the text from his boss, which I don't find odd or the stains in the underwear, which again I don't find odd, or this one time he refused sex, when he's been known to refuse it before, is not enough to think he is cheating.
Well just from this one episode you think he might be cheating, this leads me to believe either there are other things that make you come up with this theory or you are insecure about the relationship and maybe yourself. (Not trying to offend you)
Just from one episode I don't think you can take much from it to make the link from this to cheating, like I said unless there are other things that have lead you to this point.
Just from one episode I don't think you can take much from it to make the link from this to cheating, like I said unless there are other things that have lead you to this point.
hi there,
he maybe in a bad mood and had a bad day at work so come home in one, my boyf does that when hes had a bad day he has a face on him, snotty and will go straight to sleep,
have you checked to see if they're wet or damp still?
DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY :)
another thing about the stains is he may have gone to the doctors secretly because he may have an infection like thrush this will leave a white stain in the pants as as white liquid seeps through the penis, sperm isnt white when its dry its goes clear. It does not mean he has slept with another person to get thrush we can get it on our own and that will explain the sex he woudlnt want you to catch it :)
he maybe in a bad mood and had a bad day at work so come home in one, my boyf does that when hes had a bad day he has a face on him, snotty and will go straight to sleep,
have you checked to see if they're wet or damp still?
DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY :)
another thing about the stains is he may have gone to the doctors secretly because he may have an infection like thrush this will leave a white stain in the pants as as white liquid seeps through the penis, sperm isnt white when its dry its goes clear. It does not mean he has slept with another person to get thrush we can get it on our own and that will explain the sex he woudlnt want you to catch it :)
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