Hi there sweetie. Lots of women living the same kind of life you are. You aren't alone. And I understand. Wonder what happened with your husband? The first 10 years he was good to you and then it went downhill? Is he angry about something in particular? Did he take up drinking or substance abuse? That can sometimes change a person's personality. Truthfully, my husband sure has his A hole moments. It's hard. And we hope and pray we can (both us and our spouse) be good role models for our kids. It's a shame he isn't thinking that way. I'm so sorry about that. Is he at ALL open to talking right now? As in will he listen to anything you have to say? He sounds to be hurting you and I am sending you a big cyber hug. It stings. And is infuriating. But mostly just sad.
The shopping. I read that this is also common. Don't beat yourself up but we'll problem solve to try to help you curb the habit. And it is a habit. I read that shopping when used as a band aid for our hurt, sadness, resentment and anger that it is like a dopamine hit. We feel compelled to do it, get a brief high and then a low. Just like a drug. And dang it if they didn't make it WAY too easy with online shopping. What about trying no shop days? And know the triggers and avoid? Start there. And put some toward the debt weekly. That's hard but any amount to pay the bill saved on a weekly basis will help.
So, what about a counselor JUST for you? Not couples counseling at this time. I'm not sure he is open to it. Would be nice but he has to want to improve things for it to work. Does he mention why he's turned into this angry spouse?
Also, start saving. Have an envelope and take 10 dollars of your grocery money (or more if you can) and put it in the envelope. Save ever single week. Then you are getting spare cash in case you need it.
Do you have any family?
OMG I could of written this myself!! I too am in the same situation, except we are not married, been together 9’years though. We have a 7 year old son together. He never married me, told me about a 1000 excuses on why he wouldn’t; he didn’t believe in it, I didn’t deserve it, I would take all his assests, I’ve been divorced before, etc etc the excuses list went on. He also tells me I’m crazy, pathetic, immature, he lies to me on his whereabouts and I have to live in the same house as him because of financial reasons and our son. He will make it so hard for me if I move out and said hes not letting me take our son with him. I’m stuck. I’m also so depressed I see no way out. I work, but if I move out I’ll be in financial hardship cause at the moment we have no mortgage. All I can say is save every dollar you can, I am, and am working 6 days a week to save. I don’t have sex with him, I cut that out when we had out last fight 5 months ago when he told our son he’d never marry his mummy when our son questioned him on why we weren’t married. I couldn’t take it anymore. We are separated but live in the same home. Get support from family and friends, tell them what’s going on, it really helps. Try and have your own life, see your friends and have fun. If you have a husband that talks to you, maybe you could tell him how you feel and sort things out? It’s so sad when a family falls apart, and even sadder when these men don’t see a good thing when they have it. Xx