Please help, i did the worst mistake of my life.

[Quidam365]

Hi all, i have a history of depression anxiety and substance abuse. 3 days ago i got high on stimulants which lead me to do the worse mistake of my life. I slept with a street hooker which was a junkie heroin user and the problem is: i am in a relationship and i love my wife, she's the world to me and i would literally prefer to be dead if id lose her. Considering that this was a risk of STD exposure is one thing, but the fact that i slept with some trashy hooker while having an amazing attractive woman home which I betrayed drives me crazy. I can't understand why and how i ended up being this stupid. I decided to keep this secret and get mental health help and substance abuse as well, i am doing all i can to be a better husband but the guilt and dread of doing something like that driving me to the edge. I will carry this burden to the grave, i cannot confess. I feel dirty, just by thinking about my acts, it makes me feel sick, i am also a huge hypochondriac and even though i remember using protection i still obssess over HIV an other stds.I called off sick from work and isolated myself, i don't eat much lately i just cant stop obsessing over this and it id torture.... I will refrain from any intercourse until i can get tested. I want to heal, i deeply regret what i did, it haunts me to the point that sleep is my only safe place, please help me cope and guide me to become a better person.

[RockRose]

I would agree with not telling her.  Feign a back injury to avoid sex until you can get tested for STDs,  and then move on,  and avoid substance abuse in the future.  

[auntiejessi]

So your post is a few days old now - have you gotten help? Made an appt with a counselor? Gone to an AA or NA meeting? Considered checking into rehab?

I understand and even agree with your decision to not reveal your sexual actions to your partner - for now, at least. Most of the time, we dump our deeds to relieve our guilt just to release it so we feel better. We feel better when it's all out of the open, but then those we hurt feel like crap. If you have sex with her, though, you have to tell her, for her health.

Let us know what's happened since you posted.