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Avatar universal

Pregnant GF dumped me?

We've been together for 1.5 years before she got pregnant. Not planned but we decided to keep it and we were really happy about it. Picking names, future talk, etc. We told our parents and mine were ecstatic, hers... not so much.

Afterwards, I started making moves to prepare for the kid, we would move to another state where my mother would help us out since she's retired. Her family advised against it and warned that it would be a mistake if we weren't married. We both don't want to get married right now as the wedding would get in the way of the cost of having a kid. However, I gave her my mother's ring and told her it was my commitment to her. She cried we hugged, kissed, and fairy tale ending to our night.

Fast forward a few months, we are happy, I'm doing everything to help her, buying her WHATEVER she craves because cravings are real. She starts second guessing the move. I tell her this isn't about her or me anymore, it's about the kid. The kid has a REAL chance of success with both of us in the new state. I get upset when she tells me she doesn't want to move anymore. Her parent's convinced her to stay. I get real upset and tell her it's a TERRIBLE idea to have the kid here.

Few weeks go by and I talk with her. I accepted the fact that her family wants to have the kid here and am willing to plan things out here instead. We are back on the same page. She would move in with me after a few months and I would take care of things. I've been constantly texting and calling her asking hows shes doing and if she needs anything, doing the 'right thing' in my mind.

A few more weeks go by and we meet to have a date night. That's when she drops the bomb on me, she wants to just be coparents. She doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. WTF. We were a good couple. I was always there for her, when she was sick, when she was doubting herself to switch careers, etc.  Her family never gave a F*** until she got pregnant. Now she's saying she wants to move back in with her family and for us to remain 'just friends' and needs 'space'.

I am LIVID at this situation. I get she's pregnant and it might be hormones, but she says she feels clear headed and not emotional.

I've been constantly texting and calling her asking hows shes doing and if she needs anything, doing the 'right thing' in my mind.

One week after this talk, I tell her I need to meet. She tries to push it off to a later time but I tell her it "it needs to happen now". We meet at her apartment and I tell her "If you truly feel you have no feelings for me anymore  deep in your heart, then you need to end things between us. I can't be just friends, I love you and I want us to be together but if you don't, please let me go. I deserve to have someone who's crazy about me and not keeping me on the sidelines."

She ends it.

I am shocked and hurt.

I ask for my mothers ring and key to my apartment. I tell her "if you ever change your mind, give me a call, I love you"

I hug her and we part ways.

This was 1 week ago.

I have been all over the place emotionally. I recall a moment where I surprised her at work and a coworker asked her:
"Is that your husband?"  
"What? No. The hell you talking about?"
"Uh-huh sure. I saw how you looked at him all smiley"

So my question...

Should I move on from this and date other girls OR wait until the kid is born to see what happens?

99% sure the kid is mine.
3 Responses
207091 tn?1337709493
"Should I move on from this and date other girls OR wait until the kid is born to see what happens?"

There's another option - deal with this loss, figure out how to be co-parents, see what happens, and then decide to date.

The most important thing is that you are about to be a father. (And this 99% sure the kid is yours thing - did you ever question it before this? If not, that's a crappy thing to say.)

Your dating life comes second now to your child. You will need to figure out how to be a dad to a child you aren't living with, and how to get along with his mom - and trust me, the very best thing you can do for your kid is to get along with his mom.

So grieve the loss of your girlfriend and the loss of the vision of how you expected this would be. Figure out how to do this in the best way for your child, and then do it. Then do it. Dating will work itself out, but your #1 priority is your child.
Avatar universal
Parents have far more influence on our decisions than we believe. Her parents have changed her mind and all you can do is hang around to see if the new setup holds together. It’s a terrible disappointment and your mind will take a long time to forget it.  Give her the space she needs, take an interest in the child if she will let you, and don’t be averse to a new relationship if one appears. Good luck.
134578 tn?1602101550
It's been a week and you're shocked and hurt, and you told her you love her a week ago, and yet you're asking if this frees you to date other girls? (How serious was this relationship, again?)

There was a lot of conditionality and negotiating going on between you about who would get to make the decision about where you live, etc. It sounds like you were both trying to get the other to concede, and that  you weren't happy about her backing out of what you had thought was an ideal plan but were going along with the change. But the situation sounds prickly enough that maybe by then the harm was done (at least for a while).

It seems wise to let time tell, as the two of you mature into your roles as co-parents. Whether the relationship will be discovered to have real legs or if it is really over, will sort itself out in time. Don't give it just a week before you look around for someone else. All that will do is make her think you've been lying about loving her, and it won't help you decide what you want, either.

Good luck, and congratulations on your upcoming child.
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