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Relationship Role Models
So, our parents are the people we obviously see and learn from the most. Were your parents good relationship role models or not? How did it impact you when you were an adult?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Man, we all had some things to overcome growing up! And look at us now!! This was almost a therapeutic thread for me!
I dont think alot of us grew up like Ward and June Cleaver portrayed as the all american family. I think we have all done well considering~
1 Comments
Yeah, I agree... I've come to realize that the Cleaver's were the exception, rather than the rule... still are, for that matter.
I think we can all be proud of the people we've become.
I think we can all be proud of the people we've become.
I'll join this party... My parents weren't good role models, either. My biological parents were divorced when I was 2 and my mother was remarried when I was 3, so I was raised by my stepfather, who I hated to begin with, but came to adore before I went to school - pretty fickle, huh? We lived on a farm and I can remember following him across the yard holding onto his hip pocket to keep up with him...
I was the youngest of 7 and the 4 older kids were grown by the time I was born; my oldest sister has a pair of twins just over a year younger than me. My mother didn't make a big secret of the fact that she hadn't wanted me and I can understand that... She was 35 when I was born, which was "old" back then and she almost died having me. Needless to say we didn't get along very well, while I was growing up and the family was pretty dysfunctional as a whole.
I left home the night I graduated from high school and was married 2 months later. .We moved to a different state and didn't see my parents very often... my mother and I were learning to be something like friends when my first child was born, but she died when he was 6 months old... I was 23 at the time. She had told me I'd be lucky if my marriage lasted a year... I wonder what she'd have thought when my husband and I passed our 50th anniversary this past August.
I didn't have a lot to do with my biological father a good share of my life and he died when I was in my 30's.
After mother died, I became even closer to my stepfather and we maintained a great relationship until he died in 2000.
I do miss my mother and I know in her own way, she loved me in spite of everything and it wasn't ALL horrible. In many ways, she was a very good woman and I do have some good memories of her. She also taught me a lot of what not to be, so I've tried to take the best of her and leave the worst behind.
I will always miss my mother and stepfather...
I was the youngest of 7 and the 4 older kids were grown by the time I was born; my oldest sister has a pair of twins just over a year younger than me. My mother didn't make a big secret of the fact that she hadn't wanted me and I can understand that... She was 35 when I was born, which was "old" back then and she almost died having me. Needless to say we didn't get along very well, while I was growing up and the family was pretty dysfunctional as a whole.
I left home the night I graduated from high school and was married 2 months later. .We moved to a different state and didn't see my parents very often... my mother and I were learning to be something like friends when my first child was born, but she died when he was 6 months old... I was 23 at the time. She had told me I'd be lucky if my marriage lasted a year... I wonder what she'd have thought when my husband and I passed our 50th anniversary this past August.
I didn't have a lot to do with my biological father a good share of my life and he died when I was in my 30's.
After mother died, I became even closer to my stepfather and we maintained a great relationship until he died in 2000.
I do miss my mother and I know in her own way, she loved me in spite of everything and it wasn't ALL horrible. In many ways, she was a very good woman and I do have some good memories of her. She also taught me a lot of what not to be, so I've tried to take the best of her and leave the worst behind.
I will always miss my mother and stepfather...
This was hard to even think about for me. I shed a few tears just writing that short paragraph last night. Our family life was filled with alcohol and infedility on both parts. The screaming and hollering of my mother still rings in my ears at times. My mother didnt much care for me as she claimed i was just like my father. I found out when i got pg with my 1st child that he really was my dad. There was always that question within the family even tho it never mattered to my dad. I was his child. My dad was in the military all his life so he was like an iron marshmallow. He loved us kids and we knew it. My mom loved us too but she had a funny way of showing it. She was always there for me if i had a question about the kids or cooking,stuff like that Once i figured out i wasnt going to have a mom like i wanted things got better. I found myself forgiving me and her. They are both gone now and i miss them terribly. I so wish they could of seen me with my ducks in a row.
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is a little hard for me to write. My parents also were not great role models. I had a fantastic mother. She really was that mix of bringing out the best in her kids, making them feel special and soar while at the same time having rules and regulations. We had to learn responsibility but she did it always with a smile and had fun in her life. I adored her and she will forever be my best mommy role model.
But my parents married very young. Like on graduation day of high school type of young due to my sister being -on the way. You get the picture. My dad is odd. While I love him, he is very odd and closed off emotionally. He's like that genius type that has hobbies he does into the wee hours of the night and couldn't be bothered to talk to you or have dinner with you. He worked 14 hour days at the office and probably not because he had to. He used work as an escape from life until the day he retired. Then he started his own -side business- that he does constantly now. Every phone call includes a long dissertation by him of how busy he is (at 70 something). He was a part of my childhood but not like my mom. And as time went on, their relationship got pretty bad. Boo. They divorced when I left for college (nobody told me and I got home from school after being away for three months to no dad living there . . . argh). In the last years of their marriage, my mom didn't handle things well. My dad was a jerk. And I vowed NEVER would I do that.
So, I try to be mindful of all of this now. My marriage isn't perfect. I have to really watch that I don't handle things like my parents. Yelling in the house when you have kids is not cool, right? LOL Or the evil weapon my dad used --- silence. The silent treatment blows. My husband is different than my dad. He's very emotional and sentimental. Sometimes I call him jokingly the girl I married. ha. He is very loyal to me and dedicated to our marriage. And while we don't always see eye to eye, we talk it through. (and he lets me win a lot. ha) He absolutely values me as the mother of his children too which I don't think a my dad got about my mom. All she did for her kids.
On the plus side though, my parents did have the same sense of humor and for much of their relationship, they had a lot of fun and laugh together. Those are fond memories. And I make sure we have a lot of that going on in our house too because I enjoyed watching my parents interact that way as a kid.
whew, that felt good to get all that out!! LOL Not sure I intended to go so deep. But there it is.
But my parents married very young. Like on graduation day of high school type of young due to my sister being -on the way. You get the picture. My dad is odd. While I love him, he is very odd and closed off emotionally. He's like that genius type that has hobbies he does into the wee hours of the night and couldn't be bothered to talk to you or have dinner with you. He worked 14 hour days at the office and probably not because he had to. He used work as an escape from life until the day he retired. Then he started his own -side business- that he does constantly now. Every phone call includes a long dissertation by him of how busy he is (at 70 something). He was a part of my childhood but not like my mom. And as time went on, their relationship got pretty bad. Boo. They divorced when I left for college (nobody told me and I got home from school after being away for three months to no dad living there . . . argh). In the last years of their marriage, my mom didn't handle things well. My dad was a jerk. And I vowed NEVER would I do that.
So, I try to be mindful of all of this now. My marriage isn't perfect. I have to really watch that I don't handle things like my parents. Yelling in the house when you have kids is not cool, right? LOL Or the evil weapon my dad used --- silence. The silent treatment blows. My husband is different than my dad. He's very emotional and sentimental. Sometimes I call him jokingly the girl I married. ha. He is very loyal to me and dedicated to our marriage. And while we don't always see eye to eye, we talk it through. (and he lets me win a lot. ha) He absolutely values me as the mother of his children too which I don't think a my dad got about my mom. All she did for her kids.
On the plus side though, my parents did have the same sense of humor and for much of their relationship, they had a lot of fun and laugh together. Those are fond memories. And I make sure we have a lot of that going on in our house too because I enjoyed watching my parents interact that way as a kid.
whew, that felt good to get all that out!! LOL Not sure I intended to go so deep. But there it is.
No they werent. They should of never been together to begin with. I was that 9 lb preemie!!! lol. Their lives were a mess together so it got to the point where i took the good qualities of them seperately and built on that. I didnt have a very good home life but they did the best they knew how. They were both very good people but stubborn as mules!!! Now that they are both gone i sometimes hear my mom and dad come out of my mouth and it does make me smile~
1 Comments
It makes me smile and it makes me cringe. And when you write of your hubby . . . you've created a much different life for yourself which I'm glad of.
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