Aa
Seperated
My child's father and I separated and in a moment of weakness I slept with a friend of his and I'm ashamed of it because later down the line I was sleeping with both in the same time frame now either of them can be the father of my daughter should I feel ashamed of myself I mean after all we weren't together
There are things that we do prior to becoming a parent, that we would not do again and the reason is, or should be, that we want our children to be proud of the adults that we have become. If we are smart, we draw a line in the sand when we conceive our first child and make a list of do's and don'ts that we don't cross. One of them is not to have sex with someone , perhaps in a state that played into the decision, that would result in a child being conceived outside of a permanent, loving and committed relationship. If that wasn't you before you conceived this child, this should and can be you now. This is what counts. The NOW. NOW YOU ARE A MOTHER. Not when the child is born, but now. Having a child outside of a committed relationship is REALLY REALLY HARD TO DO. Not saying it can't be done, but if you get pregnant by accident, and are not yet ready, and you can't get it together, it can be very painful both for you and the child and this is why there are other options for women that find themselves pregnant without a partner, perhaps virtually homeless, maybe with no education, no family to help with the baby while you go to college to get an education. It's not easy alone. It can end very badly. I know.
Please believe me, I know. I have a wonderful son who is highly educated, and walking into a wonderful career with a wonderful partner. I am now safe to exhale , 28 years later. I made too many mistakes, i had no family, no mentors, and my carefree ways turned into drug and alcohol problems that wrote a very different story than the latter, for many hard years for both myself and my son. Still, i would not trade my son for anything. However, had my ways led him to his own destruction, (as was done to my 3 siblings and myself) I would have a different outlook right now. Now, i say, if you don't want to give up your child, you must do EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO FIGHT FOR THEIR LIVES, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. This is a divine bond, this bond is bigger than even the bond you share with a man, that DOES ask you to marry them and promises to forever protect you, and spend your life with them. This is an eternal bond. It is bigger than mere words that are put together in the hopes of maybe having them work out. That's what i wasn't told.
I also wasn't told that you have to be able to be completely independent of any man. That you must work towards earning an education that will provide a good life, that will enable you to become a homeowner in an area that will keep your child safe. (my mother told me to find a man, not even a "good" man). Okay, so that was me.
Where are you at? Do you have a family that can support you to have this child? emotionally, financially etc. Did this family raise you right? cuz if they failed you, they'll fail you again, and they'll fail your child, so you can't count on "deadbeats" to help you. You'd be better to pick a church and make friends of your own that have a basic plan of goodness. Again, where are you at.?
This is BIG, your child is BIG. This all has to be about YOU and the BABY. There is time to get a paternity test down the road. But, right now, you have many other things you need your full attention. This is no longer about the guys, it's all about YOU and the little one. Please remember to plan on neither of these guys working out. One you broke up with, the other is just a friend of his. Paternity does not necessarily mean you should or need to end up with either one. It only means they are the biological father. The man that raised my son is a step dad. He was the safest bet i could make on a good man, ready for fatherhood that i could make. And thank God i did, had i not, honestly i doubt my son would be the man he is today. (best in his class, first to be given the best jobs, loving partner to a wonderful women). They are both working now together for years before deciding that they have it together enough themselves or together in a partnership that works, to have a child. My son had to got his BA and then went back for 3 years to get Construction Engineering. His girl helped to support him do, she bought her first house.
I don't know enough info about the guys, however, if they are not able to do these things with you and for you and the baby, travel wide and find someone who can. If you're independent you will. You won't get past a first date living with an ex and /or father of your baby. You may need a change to do it, but do it YOU CAN>
Please believe me, I know. I have a wonderful son who is highly educated, and walking into a wonderful career with a wonderful partner. I am now safe to exhale , 28 years later. I made too many mistakes, i had no family, no mentors, and my carefree ways turned into drug and alcohol problems that wrote a very different story than the latter, for many hard years for both myself and my son. Still, i would not trade my son for anything. However, had my ways led him to his own destruction, (as was done to my 3 siblings and myself) I would have a different outlook right now. Now, i say, if you don't want to give up your child, you must do EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO FIGHT FOR THEIR LIVES, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. This is a divine bond, this bond is bigger than even the bond you share with a man, that DOES ask you to marry them and promises to forever protect you, and spend your life with them. This is an eternal bond. It is bigger than mere words that are put together in the hopes of maybe having them work out. That's what i wasn't told.
I also wasn't told that you have to be able to be completely independent of any man. That you must work towards earning an education that will provide a good life, that will enable you to become a homeowner in an area that will keep your child safe. (my mother told me to find a man, not even a "good" man). Okay, so that was me.
Where are you at? Do you have a family that can support you to have this child? emotionally, financially etc. Did this family raise you right? cuz if they failed you, they'll fail you again, and they'll fail your child, so you can't count on "deadbeats" to help you. You'd be better to pick a church and make friends of your own that have a basic plan of goodness. Again, where are you at.?
This is BIG, your child is BIG. This all has to be about YOU and the BABY. There is time to get a paternity test down the road. But, right now, you have many other things you need your full attention. This is no longer about the guys, it's all about YOU and the little one. Please remember to plan on neither of these guys working out. One you broke up with, the other is just a friend of his. Paternity does not necessarily mean you should or need to end up with either one. It only means they are the biological father. The man that raised my son is a step dad. He was the safest bet i could make on a good man, ready for fatherhood that i could make. And thank God i did, had i not, honestly i doubt my son would be the man he is today. (best in his class, first to be given the best jobs, loving partner to a wonderful women). They are both working now together for years before deciding that they have it together enough themselves or together in a partnership that works, to have a child. My son had to got his BA and then went back for 3 years to get Construction Engineering. His girl helped to support him do, she bought her first house.
I don't know enough info about the guys, however, if they are not able to do these things with you and for you and the baby, travel wide and find someone who can. If you're independent you will. You won't get past a first date living with an ex and /or father of your baby. You may need a change to do it, but do it YOU CAN>
1 Comments
I have to say, the conversation to be had with a kid that he/she was conceived in a "casual" relationship is a really hard one to have, and I would imagine, given the age difference, MUCH harder to hear (I guess at any age). I believe that particular bit of news is why many women choose to have an abortion of an unplanned pregnancy, and wait until they Are Ready and in a committed permanent relationship.
This is also an option for you. Obviously nobody can or should ever suggest that a women have an abortion, because that would be wrong.
However, it may help an unwed mother to have someone tell them that it's okay to consider all the possible pitfalls, and all the options. Mostly, that there are many many opportunities available to a person to change that conversation they have with their child, Yes, you were planned for, Your father and I worked for years planning for you so you had a great start in life. You can have that conversation too.
It may or may not be an option for you to consider, even if your choice is to keep the baby, one should seriously look at all the angles and weigh all of your options. You know?
This is also an option for you. Obviously nobody can or should ever suggest that a women have an abortion, because that would be wrong.
However, it may help an unwed mother to have someone tell them that it's okay to consider all the possible pitfalls, and all the options. Mostly, that there are many many opportunities available to a person to change that conversation they have with their child, Yes, you were planned for, Your father and I worked for years planning for you so you had a great start in life. You can have that conversation too.
It may or may not be an option for you to consider, even if your choice is to keep the baby, one should seriously look at all the angles and weigh all of your options. You know?
So, you're saying you were not in an exclusive relationship with either one, and you had sex with both of them, and you think your daughter was conceived around the time you had sex with both of them in the same cycle. Are you sure of that last thing? Sometimes women are thinking so hard about having had sex with two different partners that they overlook the fact that the baby didn't come from that exact time.
Anyway, do you want to know who is the dad? DNA tests are easy enough to get. Are you pregnant now or is the child born?
Anyway, do you want to know who is the dad? DNA tests are easy enough to get. Are you pregnant now or is the child born?
We weren't together we were both still living together because neither of us had anywhere to go. We stay together now and are separated
No my partner And his friend were asleep next to me
2 Comments
And his friend woke up and you had sex with him (when your husband was still sleeping)?
You said you were broken up earlier, however, you and your partner were together in your bed, and you had sex in the same bed with a friend of his (that was also sleeping with the two of you?)
Yes he was aware they were both asleep next to me so it wasn't like it was a secret
2 Comments
i'm not following you here, Who were both asleep next to you? You , your partner, and his friend, were in bed together when you and your partner's friend had sex? and you think your partner was asleep?
Who is they,? It sounds here like you're saying that you and your partner were in bed with two others? (he was aware they were both asleep next to me)
Shaming yourself and being embarrassed is a waste of energy in my book. Regardless of the way our children are conceived, their light in our lives will far eclipse humble beginnings. The miracle of life is far greater a force if you allow the true beauty to envelope you. Most importantly, love yourself and your little one enough to find the beauty in the day and peace at night. You are healthy and in receipt of God's greatest of gifts and life's greatest responsibilities. Your job is to sincerely make the best of it regardless of how anyone else feels or comes to feel.
How would the child's father deal with not being the biological father? Does he know that you were with his friend at all, or during the time you got pregnant?
Does the child's acting father know that he may not be the biological father?
How would the child's father deal with not being the biological father? Does he know that you were with his friend at all, or during the time you got pregnant?
Does the child's acting father know that he may not be the biological father?
1 Comments
I assume that you are living with your partner?
I don't know how beneficial it is for someone to tell you how to feel - your "feelings" are your own, and even if someone told you how to feel, it wouldn't change them. If you were asking how to act, what to say, how to proceed, that's a different thing. You can feel however you feel - that's yours to feel.
Personally, I would be very embarrassed at not knowing who the father of my baby was, but I've been in that situation in life where if I had become pregnant, I wouldn't have been sure who the father was. So yeah, a lot of women can say "there but for the grace of God go I". I was on birth control so conception was highly unlikely, but maybe you were too when you got pregnant.
It's an embarrassing situation, but you're not alone in sleeping with more than one guy in a fertility cycle.
Personally, I would be very embarrassed at not knowing who the father of my baby was, but I've been in that situation in life where if I had become pregnant, I wouldn't have been sure who the father was. So yeah, a lot of women can say "there but for the grace of God go I". I was on birth control so conception was highly unlikely, but maybe you were too when you got pregnant.
It's an embarrassing situation, but you're not alone in sleeping with more than one guy in a fertility cycle.
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