Serotonin affecting relationship?

[0loveandhope0]

My boyfriend has had a serotonin deficiency since birth. It has put him through so much pain and suffering. He can't love like he wants to. He only feels pain and anger. He loves me, I know he does but being together hurts him. I don't know what he should take. He's taken St. John's Wort before. But he hasn't taken it in a few months. We both want to be together. But he said he feels bad for what he's put me through. He hates himself for it. I love him no matter what. I don't know what I should do. Please help.

[Lee_1989]

Another thing to keep in mind, is the fact that he CAN'T love you, if he doesn't love himself first (and it sounds like he's incapable of that). You can't give something to someone else, if you don't first have it yourself. I know you said that he does love you, but that's not love. He may like you, and like the things you're able to do for him, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that he cannot love you, even if he wants to. I still think you should find someone capable of loving you back.

[Nighthawk61]

My last post was assuming that drugs don't work or he won't go to a Doctor.

[Nighthawk61]

The BIGGEST DEALBREAKER SHOULD BE SOMEONE REFUSING MEDICAL CARE....

As it stands, this boy's life is going to be MISERABLE if he doesn't agree to go and get help for his condition.

If your boyfriend was an addict (as specialmom mentioned he's a higher risk for it with his depression) and refused treatment, would that be okay with you?

Ask yourself this, when all is said and done, what will you have really gained by being with someone and becoming miserable along with them ?

How can someone already miserable and unhappy , gain from your love if it is an impossibility for them to Ever BE happy? What about kids,  would you want your kids to grow up with a miserable father?

Dating is established as a ways and means of picking out the right partner. If you want to be upbeat and positive in your life, you must gravitate towards those types of people.

The sad fact is that your boyfriend , "as is" , is able to communicate enough to get a girlfriend, if not you, then it will be someone else who may not be very happy themselves.  HE CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

Please know that it is hard enough to break up at your age, I get that, and even harder if the person is disabled, I get that too, BUT nothing worth having is EASY, and there is a wonderful partner out there that is making his own good choices RIGHT NOW, so that you can meet up and be extremely happy and satisfied TOGETHER!!!!

Don't let your future husband down, Don't do the easy thing (doing nothing), Do the Right thing!!!

[Londres70]

How old is your bf?

Bf/gf relationships @ 17 should be light and fun, not like the relationship you presently have.  

Unless you are a physician or a psychologist or a psychiatrist you cannot help him.

[Lee_1989]

I agree with previous sentiments... I know it's not what you want to hear, and most people in your situation would ignore our advice and "take the high road" and give selflessly to this relationship for years, or the rest of their life. I REALLY hope you are not one to ignore this advice. In this life, you have to look out for yourself. Be real with yourself: will this relationship help you blossom into the person you want to be? Or will it suck all your resources and energy from you daily? Try to be practical, even though you have an emotional attachment to this person. I know for a fact that there is someone out there for you, who is capable of giving you a healthy partnership. And I really hope that you give yourself the chance to find that person.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Ditto Chima7, SpecialMom and RockRose,

I too was especially struck by Your statement that You "love Him no matter what"

We love little Children 'unconditionally' but Adults should 'earn' our love (and us -  theirs)  How is it You think You "know He loves You" but being together hurts him ?? ??  I truly think You decieve YourSelf with that statement

I'm not unsympathetic to Your BoyFriend but these are His issues to address - not Yours.  I too, think You should look elsewhere for a healthy relationship

[RockRose]

Why do you "love him no matter what?"  That kind of love is reserved for our children.

Loving a boyfriend like that will ruin your life.  You need to be more objective in your choices -especially since it appears he's not willing to do anything about it,  like attempt antidepressants other than over the counter herbs.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Here's the deal.  You deserve a healthy partner hon.  Whether it is his fault or not (and self medicating with St. John's Wort which has very mixed reviews rather than seeing a physician and taking true serotonin medication (depression is theorized to be caused by a lack of serotonin and that is why 'serotonin reuptake inhibitors' work) is not treating his condition and THAT is within his control), it still means that being with him is harder than it should be.  All relationships have challenges but having with one who is angry, depressed, causing someone to have walls and not love like he should . .  .  This is not a relationship I can recommend you continue.  We date for a specific reason.  Not to power through with someone that has issues but to identify the issues and move on when we know they are true problems to our happiness.  We date to weed out people that HaVE issues so that we can find the best person to be with long term.  My opinion is that this relationship will be a life time of hardship for you and you deserve better.  

You can't fix him as it states.  You really can't.  And I'd like to mention that he is at a high risk for addiction issues.  

Find a healthy person sweetie.  good luck

[Chima7]

You can't fix him. He has to go to the doctor and get this sorted himself. If he is unwilling to get help for his problem then he will continue to feel miserable and sick all the time. If living a better life isn't what he wants for himself then there isn't anything you can do to make him want to take action.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, as you know, the side effects of this deficency can be anxiety and depression as the main by product of serotonin is to make us happy and calm. Im sure a doctor can prescribe him something that will off set these issues.