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20846706 tn?1533712828

She wants an abortion to keep her dignity?

My girlfriend got pregnant and she isn’t glad about it. She told me she’s going to abort the baby in order to keep her dignity and reputation. I guess Lima women really do take pride in one’s self. She doesn’t want her parents to get disappointed, so that’s why. I was pleading at her not to do such sin, but her decision is final. She won’t listen to me either. I, being a Christian, cannot let her do such thing. Doing premarital sex is misdeed and it’s enough. We cannot make another wrongdoing to cover one.

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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, is abortion legal where she lives?  This is always a controversial topic because people can view this so differently.  I don't want to get into that and my personal opinion on abortion being right or wrong but rather how desperate she must feel.  I'm sure she doesn't take the decision lightly but feels so scared of consequences that it seems the best thing in her mind to do.  Men do help create babies but for LOT, that's about it.  The woman is left to carry a baby for 9 months in her body for the whole world to see and ask questions and frankly, judge as they often do.  She's OUT THERE with it in a way that a man can't possibly understand.  And it can screw things up like getting a job or working.  And once you have the baby, things are so much more complicated.  Childcare, guilt, money.  Nothing changes the trajectory of a woman's life more than having a child.  For good or bad, there is no way to deny that.  While many men go on with life like nothing happened.  They have that luxury.  I'm trying to explain to you why she may feel so desperate.  Disapproval from parents can mean different things to different people.  And if you are Christian, you probably believe that God is all forgiving while parents might not be.  

This is not to say that I don't think you should have a voice in this.  I'm sure you have expressed how you feel. I would keep the morality and judgment and talk of sin to a minimum though if you want to get anywhere. This is real world and the only way she will consider not aborting most likely is if she knows HOW this will be okay. Such as, you will immediately marry her, assume full financial responsibility for her and the baby, and how you will help as the father and her husband.  

Ultimately though, it sounds like in the country she resides, she has a legal right to choose what happens with her body and probably will do what she feels is best.  It may mean the end of your relationship as it is hard to bounce back when you are opposed to abortion and the person still chooses to do it.  Let us know how it turns out.  
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2 Comments
Thank you so much for this advice. Yes, abortion is quite legal in here but I'll still talk to her and sort things out. I'll let you know. Thanks!
You are saying "sort this out" but still not saying "I will ask her to marry me." Being an unmarried mother, in Lima or anywhere else, is much worse than just an undignified position, it is almost always a poverty-stricken life. If you are not offering her marriage for her dignity and financial support through the life of the child, you forfeit the right to say "I cannot let her do such a thing" about abortion. You had the sex, after all. Unless she has the dignity of being a married mother supported by her husband, she won't have choices if you cannot give them to her.
134578 tn?1614729226
So, when you wanted to have sex, the topic of sin was not discussed? Either sin is sin, or sin is not sin, it cannot be only a "misdeed" when it benefits you and a sin when you disapprove. Being a hypocrite when you argue with her about abortion is not going to make things better. If you even were to have said a second sin does not make a first sin OK, that would at least be honest. But you are not taking any responsibility for the first sin, you blow it off as just a "misdeed." You don't mention wishing to step up and take responsibility for her, or the baby, and you don't say "I have begged her to marry me and promised to support her and the child for the rest of our lives." You have just gotten huffy and played the religion card because for whatever reason, you want this baby to be born (you don't even say you want the be its father). Please let her alone. She is right to want out of this; the baby is going to be all her problem and you are not helping.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I agree that if you haven't mentioned a healthy alternative to abortion, one that you both can live with happily, i think that you should learn your own lesson from this original sin, and make sure that it never happens again.

Babies need to be wanted by both parents , if not, they will feel it all of their lives. I'm so sorry that this has happened, and it happens often.  Life is about learning, and this is a lesson for you both. I think this girl would be incapable of parenting this child, or she would do it.  It sounds like her family would not stand by while she had the baby and put it up for adoption, which is also a solution or alternative to abortion.  You could suggest this as an alternative, and discuss it, but i think that you need to understand in your heart that this decision is all about the mother, as it is her that will be most affected, as well of course as the child. I believe that the soul of this child is half in heaven and half in her body.  In other words, if this soul is not born in this body, i believe it will be born at another time and perhaps place. That's my own belief and it may or may not give you comfort. I truly hope that you can lead with understanding and not with judgement.  You made a mistake, as well as herself. Mistakes in real life have huge consequences. It's when life get's real. From this point onward, please be safe and do no harm and get through this.
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495284 tn?1333894042
How long have you been with your girlfriend?  
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