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Avatar universal

Single mom need good wise advice please help!

I am 6 month pregnant and still worried and sad. My boyfriend left me when i was 4 weeks pregnant. I know he went through hard times drinking a lot, even tried to sleep with my friend worrying about having a child because he is Muslim and Turkish and it's not acceptable in his culture to have a child without marriage. But he does not want to marry me because I am not Muslim and not turkish, he is worried that his parents will know about the child and that if he finds a women he loves ( he is looking for a Turkish women) she would refuse to be with him because of the child, so he told me to be quite and not tell anything to his parents or anybody about the child. I do want to tell his parents though because I think it's not fair to them, I was thinking to wait till the child will be born and tell them or when is the best time to tell them please give me an advice?  Also I don't what he wants , he does not want to date me but he comes for sex saying that he feels good with me and he is also talking to this Turkish girl, trying to find the right women , I feel very sad I don't know why I wasn't the right women for him. I don't care if he sleeps around, but I do care if he falls in love and marries another women because I think its not fair. I know I have to let him go but its so hard and its so hard to keep a child as a secret.
39 Responses
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8550901 tn?1400740690
well you will need him for support and also he has to help with the baby and the stuff the baby uses like pampers,wipes,clothes,formula etc. you should tell his parents they deserve to know. Also you should stop having sex with him. he's a jerk period.
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Avatar universal
i am afraid if I apply for a child support I will have to put his name as a father of the child and he will have all the rights as a father, for example if i want to live in another country with the child he might not let me and etc.
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Avatar universal

i am afraid if I apply for a child support I will have to put his name as a father of the child and he will have all the rights as a father, for example if i want to live in another country with the child he might not let me and etc.
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8745353 tn?1409278909
Agreed! Hes a jerk and he needs to take responsibility for his actions. He knew you weren't Muslim or Turkish before he slept with you. If you're not good enough for a relationship then your sex isn't good enough.
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Avatar universal
He's using you and you're letting him. Get him for child support,  tell his parents they are going to have a grandchild. Have some respect for yourself,  he doesn't want to be with you. He isn't in love with you.  He doesn't think you are good enough for him to marry,  but you allow him to use you for sex.
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Avatar universal
I allowed him to use me for sex because i thought that it meant something that he still has feelings for me and I love him, I know I should not let him to use me, I know I have to be strong, I am working on it.
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Avatar universal
i am afraid if I apply for a child support I will have to put his name as a father of the child and he will have all the rights as a father, for example if i want to live in another country with the child he might not let me and etc.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Listen as someone that comes from a stuck up people like he is. They will never accept you or respect you. His bonds are too strong to his culture. It's better if you leave it alone. Say nothing to his family and live your life with your child. They will not understand and they will never change. I would stay away. What if his crazy and takes your baby to Turkey and you never see your baby again. You don't speak Turkish and you don't know what the rules are. I would say get over it. You will find love. True love. Someone that will accept you for who you are and love you for it. Trust me it's hard to believe there are people out there that still live a life like that but it's true. Don't try to understand it. I was born and raised with those kind of people and I can not understand them. Live your life. Move away. Keep his family away from you. You dont want to end up dead somewhere because you dont know what those people are capable of.
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8745353 tn?1409278909
Maybe you can find out the rules in your country/city/state as far as his parental rights. If you can get help get help. Don't just let him run away from responsibility.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hun, im going to be brutally honest with you because I think you need a firm kick  in the booty! First off the guy is a dog and is just using you for sex! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND DESERVE BETTER FOR YOU AND BABY. Secondly, if he wanted to marry a turkish girl he should have only slept/date with turkish women! I would not be obeying his commands and hiding the baby from ANYONE!  What he is doing to you is simply WRONG! Hun, you need to ring your ***** bell and no longer allow that jerk to stomp and use you anymore. Im not trying to be mean, and I know it hurts however you sooo deserve better!! Time will heal and im hoping eventually you meet someone who will treat you and your baby with the love and respect you deserve! further, having sex and hiding your child will not make him love you. Its not you, Its him!! He is a dog plain and simple. Sorry to be honest but I hate to lie to people or sugar coat the truth when the truth is so crucial at this point. I will pray for you and the baby and I wish you the best of luck.  Btw, id tell everyone now. If they want to be apart of the child's life and they are normal people.. dont deny your child grandparents, at least you opened the door and if not its their loss. Also..you will need support for that baby..its never easy raising a baby alone.  
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Avatar universal
hun, im going to be brutally honest with you because I think you need a firm kick  in the booty! First off the guy is a dog and is just using you for sex! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND DESERVE BETTER FOR YOU AND BABY. Secondly, if he wanted to marry a turkish girl he should have only slept/date with turkish women! I would not be obeying his commands and hiding the baby from ANYONE!  What he is doing to you is simply WRONG! Hun, you need to ring your ***** bell and no longer allow that jerk to stomp and use you anymore. Im not trying to be mean, and I know it hurts however you sooo deserve better!! Time will heal and im hoping eventually you meet someone who will treat you and your baby with the love and respect you deserve! further, having sex and hiding your child will not make him love you. Its not you, Its him!! He is a dog plain and simple. Sorry to be honest but I hate to lie to people or sugar coat the truth when the truth is so crucial at this point. I will pray for you and the baby and I wish you the best of luck.  Btw, id tell everyone now. If they want to be apart of the child's life and they are normal people.. dont deny your child grandparents, at least you opened the door and if not its their loss. Also..you will need support for that baby..its never easy raising a baby alone.  
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Avatar universal
I really dont want to come off as rude, and i really do feel for you, but come on hon... its quite obvious hes no good for you.
I dont think you should keep your child a secret for his sake. Do what is best for YOU and most importantly your child, no matter the effects it will have on his life.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for the advice, and thanks for praying for me.
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Avatar universal
Yesterday I've been told thaT he fOund a Turkish girl to marry and he is serious about her. I feel so sad.  And she doesn't know about the baby.  Should I tell her or just let it go and wait till he tells her.
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Avatar universal
His relationship is his business and not yours. If he chooses to tell her that is his decision to make. He has legal obligations for child support that you shouldn't let him off the hook for but you telling the woman he is involved with about the pregnancy is way out of line.
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8919982 tn?1400717187
Sweety his using u for sex he dont want his parents to no that his having sex and is going to b a dad u really think his going to sighn any papers??? His imbarrest to show u off and his putting lame excuses of not wanting u...really Turkish and Muslim? ?? If he loved u or wanted anything to do with the baby he could of married u in to the  religion. I personally would go to his parents and let them no hey am p.g with ur sons baby and ur son is not that innocent either theyll either support u or not u told them.obviously his living a  triple life 1 of being a fake Muslim 2. Using u and getting ur hopes up 3. He cheats on u With a Turkish women.sweety he is no good.do u have ur family to help u and support u??? What are u so afraid of that u would actually listen to a man who obviously is a shame of u and ur baby....theirs muslims that are white.black .Hispanic. all cultures. Its better of if u put ur fpot down and b a b.***** ull c that his going to b afraid of u if u tell on him. I can read that u love him and u want a perfect family but from what u wrpte he doesn't. I no u dont want to do this alone...find some friends b active  with ur famipy or just anybody who cqn help u and hear ur problems. U shouldnt have to b stuck or scared of him do u no how he just put the power in ur hands to distroy his life.think about his family ...religion...his new girl friend...childsupport.. u getting full custody...am not saying that pay bqck is a b#### but from u being hurt while p.g I think its ur turn to do it to him...but thats just me...just think about sorry for the rant but I do feel for u and what ur going threw...
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8793709 tn?1409594060
I think u shud speak with his parents. preferably when he's not around. that way they might at least hear you out and confront him later.
they might even make him cancel his plans with the other woman and deal with you first.
at least you'll have a chance at getting child support and/or grandparents in the baby's life.
worst case scenario they'll tell u to leave and want nothing to do with u, but thats not much different from how it is now. just that they'll know the truth about what a phony their son is.
but first and foremost take care of yourself and your baby. you'll be a wonderful mom, and much better off without that worthless guy in ur life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you should take hour baby and move on.. stop seeing him and cut off all contact. It will be better for you and your child. You don't want your child raised by someone like that. Think of the future and how he or she could possibly turn out. F that!! You font need hos support either. Be strong, be independent and for god sakes be mindful of what you are doing. There is an amazing man out there for you and your child!#
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Avatar universal
U shudnt wait to tell his parents. They may want nothing To do with the baby and its bettr to find out now so u dnt keep stressing about it.  Or maybe they will help u out and u won't have to worry so much about the father.  Hopefully they all will come around.  Do what u think is best and not whag be wants bcuz he is making horrible decisionsa and u should not be in agreement with a man who is clearly selfish.
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Avatar universal
Don't tell anybody the one who posted about your baby and your safety is right. Some people don't understand but I heard of women in your situation being killed while pregnant to protect the guys religion and right to live still in their religion.  I have even heard of them killing women related to them that got pregnant out of shame.   I am not against any ones religion and my comment was not made toward those religions.  It is toward the type of people that would do those things and from the way you said he acted they might be that type of people. Just be happy with your baby don't take the chance of someone taking the baby out of country where you have no rights... over seas in those places he would have all the rights and you have no rights.... and dint takevthe chance that they would hurt you or baby or both... good luck only you will know what the right thing for you and your baby is...
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Avatar universal
Im muslim and i can tell you for sure this guy is really very bad. He acted very bad with you  and i have doubts if he.s really so faithful  as he tried to tell you.  According to our religion muslim man can marry christian woman. If he really loves you he can do this  he just doesnt want as i can see. My advice is to forget about him at all . And dont let this man into your life anymore. You will have a child and you will see you will be happy. Try  dont think about this guy he s not your man. You will meet someone  just be patient.
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Avatar universal
Dear i am muslim as well what i can tell u is this man is a hypocrite and trying to look like hes a good man to his family.hes making your life a rough time for u and tries to fix his.i say tell his parents and leave him for good.make his life rough as well..dont let him lie to u.
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Avatar universal
Ok, so if you don't know his family and never met them I would write a letter or something, so they have time to take it in and think about it. That may prevent them from lashing out about it. As far as he goes, he isn't worth your time. You deserve better, just try and move on. It's his loss and you can't make him be a daddy, but he needs to support his kid. You didn't make it all by yourself. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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Avatar universal
So I told his parents today and they were in shock of course. But it seems like they want to keep the baby as a secret untill his son gets married and then tell the bride. I dont know should I tell the bride or she might not believe me. I also think that he and his family are not going to help me at all. They don't care about me.
Helpful - 0
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