Single mom need good wise advice please help!

[DarinaP]

I am 6 month pregnant and still worried and sad. My boyfriend left me when i was 4 weeks pregnant. I know he went through hard times drinking a lot, even tried to sleep with my friend worrying about having a child because he is Muslim and Turkish and it's not acceptable in his culture to have a child without marriage. But he does not want to marry me because I am not Muslim and not turkish, he is worried that his parents will know about the child and that if he finds a women he loves ( he is looking for a Turkish women) she would refuse to be with him because of the child, so he told me to be quite and not tell anything to his parents or anybody about the child. I do want to tell his parents though because I think it's not fair to them, I was thinking to wait till the child will be born and tell them or when is the best time to tell them please give me an advice?  Also I don't what he wants , he does not want to date me but he comes for sex saying that he feels good with me and he is also talking to this Turkish girl, trying to find the right women , I feel very sad I don't know why I wasn't the right women for him. I don't care if he sleeps around, but I do care if he falls in love and marries another women because I think its not fair. I know I have to let him go but its so hard and its so hard to keep a child as a secret.

[Londres70]

What a dilemma.  Totally agree with SM and Chima7.

Seems like he and his family wants this kept as a "secret" meaning they probably have NO intention of telling the bride.  These parents will not have anything to do with this child publicly and probably not privately for that matter.  

Chima brings up good points about their culture.  In their culture men can do NO wrong in regards to women meaning his parents are going to turn a blind eye to what their son has done, i.e. got a non Turkish/Muslim woman pregnant out of wedlock.  They are probably hoping this all goes away quickly and quietly.

Keep in mind the way these people deal with problems isn't the same way you deal with problems and the situation could turn dangerous for you.

I would put plenty of distance between you and them and try to move on and focus on you and your child.

[Chima7]

You already told him about the baby and he doesn't want anything to do with it. And you've told his parents so they are aware of what a piece of trash their son is now. Knowing about how Muslims treat women, the best thing for you to do now is leave all of them alone. I know a guy who is a Turkish Muslim. He's my cab driver who I call whenever I need to go to the airport. Nice enough guy but the stories he's told me about the men in his family and others from his background are horrific. That's why he left and came to America. You need to understand that it's extremely dangerous to push this issue with those people. Don't put your life and the life of your baby in danger. Let it go and never speak to him or anyone associated with him again. I wouldn't bother with child support because you already know he's not going to pay. I wouldn't even waste my time because personal safety from evil people is far more valuable to me than money.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  What a difficult situation and culturally, it sounds very complex.  

I think you have to decide if you want this man to have access to the baby/child.  What if his parents decide they want the baby or his wife wants the baby?  Things like this happen.  Or as you said, you can't move, etc.

I know you wanted this to have a happy ending.  I know you thought you'd tell his parents and they'd support you and his being with you.  This isn't happening.

My best advice is to move on completely.  Put your focus on this baby.  Consider this baby to be your full responsibility.  Is your family supporting you?  What happens with single moms and kids with no fathers in your society?  If it is going to be hard, consider moving to somewhere that it isn't unusual.  

Do not continue to have sex.  He's using you.  He is making it clear that while he may have cared for you--  he WILL NOTt be with you.  You need to think of the baby and let this situation go.  consider it over and prepare to be on your own raising this child.  

wishing you all the best dear.  It's hard!!  but you can do it.  Otherwise, do they have adoption in your country?  

[babyscarletstewart]

Bump

[bubblebean11]

You don't sleep around to find the right one, he has no morals. You shouldn't be ok with him sleeping around, have you not heard of STDs?? This is why you find love get married then sleep together. I say get out of there and find a new life. If he's ok sleeping around now, chances are he will always do it. Find someone who l loves you for you, not for your body.....

[babyscarletstewart]

So. I'm curious what you decided?

[aisbad]

you know as long as you have told his parents its more thn enough,if he wont appreciate you now he will later.what goes around will always come around. just take care of your precious baby and yourself .i had been in a similar situation though not pregnant and he came back regreting. just be patient and try to move on dear. God could be planning something way better.every thing comes for a reason

[DarinaP]

I was thinking if I tell his future wife first she might not believe me thinking I am a crazy girl that just wants to get back her boyfriend, secondly I will screw up the relationship between me and his parents forever. Should I just let it go and let him marry, someday he will marry anyways not this girl but other one. Still not sure what to do.

[BearHunterMomma27]

I would.go.for support and full custody. He didn't care you weren't Turkish when you had sex. He should have been more carful if it was that big of a deal.  Your baby deserves to have his financial support u less.you can do it.your.own. if you can than I suggest completelyignoringtham from here.on out. Otherwise I'd get papers for full custody and support so he can help financially and won't be able.to see the baby unless you allow it. I also would tell this.other woman bc if it was you wouldn't you want.to know if.your marriage was starting out in a lie? Thats absurd he would do that to a wife. it seems he takes nothing serious his religion family or even marriage he sounds.like a big fat joke.

[mag131]

My only question for you dear you did not his religious background before involving in sexual activities. These Muslims guys are strict with their religion. If I were you I would just try to talk to him abt the baby. If he sounds like he does not to be part I would leave it alone. Those man are dangerous.

[imanelena]

First of all respect yourself. There are such men  that its better to stay without them at all and care about child alone.  Its better to be calm  than suffer . And about money dont worry. If God gave you this baby He will give you everything to keep him . I was lonely mum with my first child and i know how its difficult to do everything alone. But time passed and im not sad about it. My daughter has everything for normal life and what is the most important she has my love .

[lilpianogirl85]

Honey my heart really goes out to you. I wish you had a better opinion of yourself. You truly do deserve a man who values you and one who will take responsibility for his actions. Don't let anyone treat you this way. I wish I could tell you the right thing to do but in his culture I'm not sure. But I do know for sure is you shouldn't be letting him use you. You obviously have allot of love to give, don't waste it on someone who is just playing with you and doesn't value you. I'm not sure if you should tell his parents but don't keep it a secret. He doesn't have to be in the babies life but he still has responsibilities. And tell him you will hold him to those responsibilities. He still has financial obligations to you. And you shouldn't hide that. Stand up for yourself and if it's too hard to do that than stand up for your baby.

[Huni_b]

I agree with mel_singh! tell the bride, she deserves to know what a phoney she's about to marry. maybe she and her family won't want him to marry her. then he gets what he deserves. seems like his parents are looking for an easy way out. they might not even tell her after the marriage, and then its too late. he'll probably end up having children with her too. let his character be exposed and he gets dealt with the way he deserves. I dont think you have much to lose. at best you'll get child support and a lil help/involvement from him and his family. most of all you deserve a peace of mind.

[mmDaymm]

So In other words he is fleeing from responsibility is he willing to help u or does this mean that once he finds a wife he won't help u? Once ure married u got to share finances etc. I would not trust him he's already hiding u and lying to his family if he really loves u couldn't he move all things aside and put u and his child first regardless of race or religious beliefs the best thing to do is to protect yourself and prepare ureself speak to a family law attorney get a consultation their usually free he will advise u on the best steps to  make for ure situation their is a clause that though he is the biological father he can give up his rights but u got to put him on child support one day he will disappear and you won't get any help from him u did not get ureself pregnant and if u don't need his money get it anyway one day it will help u or u can keep it in an account for ure little one . please speak to a family law attorney just get some advice then think on this he's either going to be in ur child's life or not and it seems like he won't especially if he is seeking someone else to marry . Do it 4 ur little one.sleep and think on it after speaking to a lawyer then make ure move and seriously speak to him don't mention any attorney until u get his take on the situation if he doesn't want to be their or will only be their until he finds the 1 its better just to get things situated with an attorney and he best do it before he has to start giving explanations about his finances to some else he can just pay his child support and that's it

[Mel_Singh]

ya tell the bride, They would keep it a secret till after the marriage because it is a shameful thing to have a baby outside of marriage. If she found out, most chances is there’s no way her parents will allow the marriage to happen, or perhaps his parants may not even tell her.. its just speculating though. Don't let them hide baby. let it be known, do the right thing.

[DarinaP]

So I told his parents today and they were in shock of course. But it seems like they want to keep the baby as a secret untill his son gets married and then tell the bride. I dont know should I tell the bride or she might not believe me. I also think that he and his family are not going to help me at all. They don't care about me.

[mmcdaniel87]

Ok, so if you don't know his family and never met them I would write a letter or something, so they have time to take it in and think about it. That may prevent them from lashing out about it. As far as he goes, he isn't worth your time. You deserve better, just try and move on. It's his loss and you can't make him be a daddy, but he needs to support his kid. You didn't make it all by yourself. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

[aisbad]

Dear i am muslim as well what i can tell u is this man is a hypocrite and trying to look like hes a good man to his family.hes making your life a rough time for u and tries to fix his.i say tell his parents and leave him for good.make his life rough as well..dont let him lie to u.

[imanelena]

Im muslim and i can tell you for sure this guy is really very bad. He acted very bad with you  and i have doubts if he.s really so faithful  as he tried to tell you.  According to our religion muslim man can marry christian woman. If he really loves you he can do this  he just doesnt want as i can see. My advice is to forget about him at all . And dont let this man into your life anymore. You will have a child and you will see you will be happy. Try  dont think about this guy he s not your man. You will meet someone  just be patient.

[expecting6thbaby]

Don't tell anybody the one who posted about your baby and your safety is right. Some people don't understand but I heard of women in your situation being killed while pregnant to protect the guys religion and right to live still in their religion.  I have even heard of them killing women related to them that got pregnant out of shame.   I am not against any ones religion and my comment was not made toward those religions.  It is toward the type of people that would do those things and from the way you said he acted they might be that type of people. Just be happy with your baby don't take the chance of someone taking the baby out of country where you have no rights... over seas in those places he would have all the rights and you have no rights.... and dint takevthe chance that they would hurt you or baby or both... good luck only you will know what the right thing for you and your baby is...

[tabs4life]

U shudnt wait to tell his parents. They may want nothing To do with the baby and its bettr to find out now so u dnt keep stressing about it.  Or maybe they will help u out and u won't have to worry so much about the father.  Hopefully they all will come around.  Do what u think is best and not whag be wants bcuz he is making horrible decisionsa and u should not be in agreement with a man who is clearly selfish.

[babyscarletstewart]

I think you should take hour baby and move on.. stop seeing him and cut off all contact. It will be better for you and your child. You don't want your child raised by someone like that. Think of the future and how he or she could possibly turn out. F that!! You font need hos support either. Be strong, be independent and for god sakes be mindful of what you are doing. There is an amazing man out there for you and your child!#

[Huni_b]

I think u shud speak with his parents. preferably when he's not around. that way they might at least hear you out and confront him later.
they might even make him cancel his plans with the other woman and deal with you first.
at least you'll have a chance at getting child support and/or grandparents in the baby's life.
worst case scenario they'll tell u to leave and want nothing to do with u, but thats not much different from how it is now. just that they'll know the truth about what a phony their son is.
but first and foremost take care of yourself and your baby. you'll be a wonderful mom, and much better off without that worthless guy in ur life.

[jamie2464]

Sweety his using u for sex he dont want his parents to no that his having sex and is going to b a dad u really think his going to sighn any papers??? His imbarrest to show u off and his putting lame excuses of not wanting u...really Turkish and Muslim? ?? If he loved u or wanted anything to do with the baby he could of married u in to the  religion. I personally would go to his parents and let them no hey am p.g with ur sons baby and ur son is not that innocent either theyll either support u or not u told them.obviously his living a  triple life 1 of being a fake Muslim 2. Using u and getting ur hopes up 3. He cheats on u With a Turkish women.sweety he is no good.do u have ur family to help u and support u??? What are u so afraid of that u would actually listen to a man who obviously is a shame of u and ur baby....theirs muslims that are white.black .Hispanic. all cultures. Its better of if u put ur fpot down and b a b.***** ull c that his going to b afraid of u if u tell on him. I can read that u love him and u want a perfect family but from what u wrpte he doesn't. I no u dont want to do this alone...find some friends b active  with ur famipy or just anybody who cqn help u and hear ur problems. U shouldnt have to b stuck or scared of him do u no how he just put the power in ur hands to distroy his life.think about his family ...religion...his new girl friend...childsupport.. u getting full custody...am not saying that pay bqck is a b#### but from u being hurt while p.g I think its ur turn to do it to him...but thats just me...just think about sorry for the rant but I do feel for u and what ur going threw...