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Avatar universal

Stay-At-Home Moms... Your Wisdom Is Needed

Normally I would post such a question on the other forum I frequent, but I thought I would try here first since there are so many women who post on there who are TTC... I need all of the wisdom I can get right now from stay-at-home moms of all age groups.  First let me say that I love my son to death and want the best of things for him, and I am also very much against putting him in daycare.  I know there must be a better solution than that for my situation.  

I am absolutely bored to death staying at home.  I feel myself becoming more depressed as time goes on.  This year has had a lot of ups and downs for my family and I.  Recently I have undergone a huge transition where my husband is now working full-time.  All of those years in school and being out of class and off work at 2 pm, and now that is switching to 5 pm.  With an 8 month old, I am exhausted by 9 - 10 pm, and our son goes to bed at 8:30 pm leaving minimal time for us at all.  What I have are 2 concerns that I need advice for...

1.  My first and foremost concern is what to do with myself all of this time DH is gone during the day.  There is only so much cleaning to take up your time, and I do not have any friends really with children.  Well, heck I'll just be honest - I really do not have any friends that I socialize with.  I know that is bad, but DH and I do not really belong anywhere that gives the opportunity if that makes sense.  I find it very hard to make new friends who are somewhat mature and married and have kids.  I have thought about volunteering, but I will have my son with me.  I was involved in a bible study but now find myself the oddball in that group because I have started on birth control at a doctor's recommendation, and now that I have moved I live now 45 minutes away from where it is held.  There are mom groups which I would like to get involved in, but they only meet 1 time a week and for only 1 hour.  To sum all of this up, I would like to know how other moms spend their days.  I feel as if my life is passing me by because I do nothing of importance besides watch my son.  I know that is an important job, I just feel like I have gifts that are being wasted.  Is this normal?  Perhaps I am not mom material  :S

2.  DH and I have a limited pool of babysitters, so planning date nights is an issue.  I do not want to leave DS with a stranger, and my parents live 45 minutes away from us.  His mom lives close but works in the evenings.  I am wondering how other couples have time to connect?  We used to spend so much time together and I miss that so much.  We both love our son, but sometimes I daydream about times when were able to devote our evenings to relaxing and enjoying each other's company.  

Over all, this is a long post.  I am posting this in a state of conflicting emotions: both shame because good moms don't feel this way, and sadness because I feel like my life is being wasted away.  I know when he is in school things will change, but a few years seems like such a long time.  I don't want to just "get by" until then, I want to be living these years of my life and I don't feel like I am.  

- A Sad Bearhitch
27 Responses
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152852 tn?1205713426
Good for you!  I'm glad it was a success!

I was going to suggest Craigslist--I saw a "Stroller Strides" meet-up on there recently where moms of babies get together to walk with their strollers.

You might also look for groups here: http://www.meetup.com/topics/
There are Stay-at-Home Mom's groups and Playgroups listed under "Parenting" and you can search for key words like "babies" or "toddlers" and find groups, too.
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Avatar universal
*UPDATE*

Again, I just really appreciate everyone's wisdom, advice and stories.  I finally found a solution to my problem in the most bizarre way and I wanted to post it just in case someone else was in the situation, maybe it would work for them.  I actually placed an ad on Craigs List looking for other moms to walk with, playdates, etc.  I had an overwhelming number of responses of women who were in the same situation and didn't know where to connect with new moms.  We had our first playdate today and it was just wonderful!

Thanks for the encouragement to get out there and meet people!  =D

~A Pleased Bearhitch
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Avatar universal
I have 4 chidlren I stay at home but am going to go to work in 2 weeks.  I'm kind of nervous leaving my children for 50 hours a week.  their care will be my husband and mother depending on their schedule, mostly my mom but my hubby will beat me home most of the time.  I'm happy to be in the land of "adults" again.  I'm terribly sad that I'm going to miss out on things.  But I've been there for all of my childrens first except 1.  I've had the wonder of finding their first tooth.  Their first words and 3 of their first steps!  (Missed my second sons) I've also been here for all of their first cuss words, first tantrums, first fights, first heart breaking boo boo.  First stitches and first near concussions!!! OMG  I've got 3 boys mind you that are 2 1/2 years apart (exactly) they are now 9 1/2, 7, and 4 1/2 I've been through bordom but I now have so many kids that I dont' have to worry about bordom (Sometimes I wish I could be bored!!)  Not true I've been bored and busy at the same time.  Money is what is forcing me to work and I am so sad sometimes and sometimes I'm excited.  I can imagine your feelings.  One thing that helped was finding a group of us that we could "trade days"  One day of the week we all took turns taking the kids.  We all got a break to be with friends and we all had our day of "hell"!!  But it was worth it.  Then Another day a week we all got together and had a play date.  We are all responsible for our own kid and we all get to hang out at the park with the kids at someones house or a "play place"  It was a sanity saver for a long time.  Good luck!
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548502 tn?1320552993
The gym  idea is great!  Your baby can play with other babies and you can get some exercise.
I also take bubble baths ( with the baby monitor) after my baby is snug in bed.
My best friend and I are going to start and girls night out once a month.
I love the weekend drinks on the deck with your husband idea and the making dinner at lunch time.  Thanks for the tips.
Prayer and bible study help me most!
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Avatar universal
I can relate to a lot of what you are all saying! I looked for a forum like this because of the very same reason bearhitch did. I have had 5 children total, 4 left at home ranging from 5-16. I never liked leaving my children in daycare. I worked here and there throughout the years but I had my parents around to watch the kids. They moved to Florida about 4 years ago. I went back to work in April of 07 only because my oldest was home doing a home school high school program and i paid her a little money to watch my youngest. she soon got the im almost 18 attitude and ended up moving out, left me with no sitter. I reluctantly looked for a place for my son and for the first time left one of my kids with a stranger so i could keep my job. Well in feb of this year i lost my job and had to pull my son out of daycare (that he grew to hate, hated going to bed at night knowing where he was going when he woke up, became very whiny and unhappy and he was alway a kid that was happy 99% of the time and would tell me when he was ready for bed.) I decided I would not do that to him again and that i would stay home until he went to school. I am divorced and been in a relationship for about a year. I am going absolutely nuts being home with no adult conversation! Like bearhitch I dont have a lot of friends I hang out with. my one good friend ive had for 16 years works during the day. I have also had a few other things go on recently that have added to my depressed feelings. If ive ever felt depressed in the past i usually come out of it fairly quickly but im not so sure this time. I feel lonely and bored to death. I am usually a really good housekeeper but recently i know ive let things go i wouldnt normally do. Ive got to the point where i cant stand the thought of doing the same ole thing another day!
My boyfriend has no children of his own and has always had a lot of friends he hangs out with. we occasionally get together with them but lately he seems like he is starting to miss doing his own thing and wants to be with them more. I know there is nothing wrong with that but because of how i feel  i just want him with me because im sick of being alone all day with no adult conversation and i want to get out of the house. Sometimes i feel like he's being selfish by not wanting to take me with him to get me out of the house and have a chance to socialize. Im afraid im going to ruin our relationship and i dont want that. Its not his fault but im going stir crazy and i know sometimes i take it out on him.
Depression is something ive never been treated for, and i hate the thought of it not to mention when i lost my job i also lost my health ins.
I guess its good to know im not the only mom at home in this situation. I think we all need to vent to someone now and again.
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Avatar universal
I appreciate everyone's advice so much!  

-Treazzure: I am trying to get up early to do - so hard though!  I have taken to letting my son fuss in his crib while I take a few minutes to wash my face and put on some makeup.  That alone has made such a difference.  

-Rose: Thank you for your wisdom.  I am going to find some groups, hopefully, here and join them.  In the mean time, I have decided to suck it up feeling like the odd one out and continue going to my mother's bible study.  I think once I get there I will enjoy it, its just getting there  :)  
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