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Stay-At-Home Moms... Your Wisdom Is Needed
Normally I would post such a question on the other forum I frequent, but I thought I would try here first since there are so many women who post on there who are TTC... I need all of the wisdom I can get right now from stay-at-home moms of all age groups. First let me say that I love my son to death and want the best of things for him, and I am also very much against putting him in daycare. I know there must be a better solution than that for my situation.
I am absolutely bored to death staying at home. I feel myself becoming more depressed as time goes on. This year has had a lot of ups and downs for my family and I. Recently I have undergone a huge transition where my husband is now working full-time. All of those years in school and being out of class and off work at 2 pm, and now that is switching to 5 pm. With an 8 month old, I am exhausted by 9 - 10 pm, and our son goes to bed at 8:30 pm leaving minimal time for us at all. What I have are 2 concerns that I need advice for...
1. My first and foremost concern is what to do with myself all of this time DH is gone during the day. There is only so much cleaning to take up your time, and I do not have any friends really with children. Well, heck I'll just be honest - I really do not have any friends that I socialize with. I know that is bad, but DH and I do not really belong anywhere that gives the opportunity if that makes sense. I find it very hard to make new friends who are somewhat mature and married and have kids. I have thought about volunteering, but I will have my son with me. I was involved in a bible study but now find myself the oddball in that group because I have started on birth control at a doctor's recommendation, and now that I have moved I live now 45 minutes away from where it is held. There are mom groups which I would like to get involved in, but they only meet 1 time a week and for only 1 hour. To sum all of this up, I would like to know how other moms spend their days. I feel as if my life is passing me by because I do nothing of importance besides watch my son. I know that is an important job, I just feel like I have gifts that are being wasted. Is this normal? Perhaps I am not mom material :S
2. DH and I have a limited pool of babysitters, so planning date nights is an issue. I do not want to leave DS with a stranger, and my parents live 45 minutes away from us. His mom lives close but works in the evenings. I am wondering how other couples have time to connect? We used to spend so much time together and I miss that so much. We both love our son, but sometimes I daydream about times when were able to devote our evenings to relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
Over all, this is a long post. I am posting this in a state of conflicting emotions: both shame because good moms don't feel this way, and sadness because I feel like my life is being wasted away. I know when he is in school things will change, but a few years seems like such a long time. I don't want to just "get by" until then, I want to be living these years of my life and I don't feel like I am.
- A Sad Bearhitch
I am absolutely bored to death staying at home. I feel myself becoming more depressed as time goes on. This year has had a lot of ups and downs for my family and I. Recently I have undergone a huge transition where my husband is now working full-time. All of those years in school and being out of class and off work at 2 pm, and now that is switching to 5 pm. With an 8 month old, I am exhausted by 9 - 10 pm, and our son goes to bed at 8:30 pm leaving minimal time for us at all. What I have are 2 concerns that I need advice for...
1. My first and foremost concern is what to do with myself all of this time DH is gone during the day. There is only so much cleaning to take up your time, and I do not have any friends really with children. Well, heck I'll just be honest - I really do not have any friends that I socialize with. I know that is bad, but DH and I do not really belong anywhere that gives the opportunity if that makes sense. I find it very hard to make new friends who are somewhat mature and married and have kids. I have thought about volunteering, but I will have my son with me. I was involved in a bible study but now find myself the oddball in that group because I have started on birth control at a doctor's recommendation, and now that I have moved I live now 45 minutes away from where it is held. There are mom groups which I would like to get involved in, but they only meet 1 time a week and for only 1 hour. To sum all of this up, I would like to know how other moms spend their days. I feel as if my life is passing me by because I do nothing of importance besides watch my son. I know that is an important job, I just feel like I have gifts that are being wasted. Is this normal? Perhaps I am not mom material :S
2. DH and I have a limited pool of babysitters, so planning date nights is an issue. I do not want to leave DS with a stranger, and my parents live 45 minutes away from us. His mom lives close but works in the evenings. I am wondering how other couples have time to connect? We used to spend so much time together and I miss that so much. We both love our son, but sometimes I daydream about times when were able to devote our evenings to relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
Over all, this is a long post. I am posting this in a state of conflicting emotions: both shame because good moms don't feel this way, and sadness because I feel like my life is being wasted away. I know when he is in school things will change, but a few years seems like such a long time. I don't want to just "get by" until then, I want to be living these years of my life and I don't feel like I am.
- A Sad Bearhitch
To Charlotte - I appreciate your response. I do not always feel this way, but recently I have more. When I have some I will send encouragement your way :)
To Nessie - Thanks for the idea. I have considered daycare out of my home, but I am not sure how I would do at watching my son plus other children. It is still something to keep in mind and as you said, would provide an additional source of income.
To Teko - Your daughter has a great idea and it fits very well with my love of web design. I didn't know the Y could have free babysitting, which I am going to check into today. The first idea though is exactly what I am looking for - connecting with other moms for support. Plus, that would help wtih my lack of babysitters problem. Thank you for your support and wonderful suggestions!!!
To Nessie - Thanks for the idea. I have considered daycare out of my home, but I am not sure how I would do at watching my son plus other children. It is still something to keep in mind and as you said, would provide an additional source of income.
To Teko - Your daughter has a great idea and it fits very well with my love of web design. I didn't know the Y could have free babysitting, which I am going to check into today. The first idea though is exactly what I am looking for - connecting with other moms for support. Plus, that would help wtih my lack of babysitters problem. Thank you for your support and wonderful suggestions!!!
Well i am not a mom...but my mother left work when i was an infant and got her licence to do daycare out of our home...you say that you dont want to put your own child in a daycare but there are plenty of people that must and are looking for a safe place to send their children
this can also be an opportunity to open a circle of friends eventhough my mother has stopped three or four years ago we are still in contact with most of the childrens parents and i have made friends for life
another good thing is you make the rules contract wise,ages,children...not only is it a good source of income (just think of how expensive centers are) but you can pretty much stop whenever you please. my mother started in 1985 and did not stop till 2004 she began with me and another infant(who stayed with us thru middle school and had two brothers that my mother also watched) there were times she had two infants/toddlers and 6 school aged kids(me my brother and four others)
It all depends on how much you are willin to take on
this can also be an opportunity to open a circle of friends eventhough my mother has stopped three or four years ago we are still in contact with most of the childrens parents and i have made friends for life
another good thing is you make the rules contract wise,ages,children...not only is it a good source of income (just think of how expensive centers are) but you can pretty much stop whenever you please. my mother started in 1985 and did not stop till 2004 she began with me and another infant(who stayed with us thru middle school and had two brothers that my mother also watched) there were times she had two infants/toddlers and 6 school aged kids(me my brother and four others)
It all depends on how much you are willin to take on
I feel you on that.. I have the same problems.. and it doesn't make you a bad mom, and if it does well then we're both bad moms.. I really have no advice at this time due to the fact i'm in the same boat.. so if you find any good ideas please share them with me.. it's hard i am at times jealous of my DH beacause he gets to go to work.. how sad is that??
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