What Your Wife did Forever changes things. It changes who You thought She was - it changes who You thought YOU were (and WAY more complicated feelings than that!!) You decided to stay knowing She had an affair so I would say the WORST pain is behind You but know that You will never "forget". Very likely the feelings You refer to will never go away (I stress, infidelity FOREVER changes the relationship).
Never had to deal with anything like this. I can hear your pain over this through your words. You have my empathy.
Have you all tried any therapy at all?
I have fortunately not been in this particular situation but do know people that have. An affair is a betrayal of the worst possible kind for sure. But instead of allowing yourself to go negative, try to concentrate on what you do have. You still have the marriage. Not too many people survive it. Nothing that you did or didnt do caused the affair. More than likely it was something within your wife. Maybe feeling a little insecure or in need of some kind of attention at the time. But the deal was going on with her and more than likely had absolutely nothing to do with you. She is still with you and that act alone shows how much in love she is with you. YOU must be quite a catch! Regardless, you know each other now and accept each other now even with all the shortcomings. You have come a long way. There may always be a twinge to remind you of that bad time in your life but as time goes on a deeper more intense relationship develops. Your wife is a very lucky woman and Id say your pretty lucky too. You won her heart and you kept it. Happy Anniversary.