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My Boyfriend chooses his mom over me and our daughter
Hi, I have been with my boyfrind for 3yrs now and we have a 10weeks old baby girl. The problem is he stay at home with his mother and brother and says that he takes care of them. He pays all the bills and buys whatever his mom need and just caters to her. I feel that our daughter needs both her parents in one roof and the solution to this problem is that I must move in with them. Whenever am there I always feel like an outsider and even when I leave things there he always returns it and my daughter does not even have one thing at his house. When I visit him I always have to pack bags and everything which is a mission and most of the time his mother is very rude and makes remarks that upset me like she wants to. Throw up cause am there, she locks herself up in the room mostly, doesn't want to help her granddaughter, I know the kind of person I am and staying there will not work, guess what am saying is I think I want a commitment from him but its the least of his worries. Am I wasting my time with this guy, should I just move on for the sake of my daughter, I love him yet am so confused. Mind you his 35yrs of age and am 26, and he always says he has commitment issues from a past relationship. Any advise will be so appreciated...
Agree with NH61 and SM.
"Mind you his 35yrs of age and am 26, and he always says he has commitment issues from a past relationship."......Well, did he tell you this before or after the baby? He gave you alot of information in that one little sentence.
"The problem is he stay at home with his mother and brother and says that he takes care of them."......Another problem that is NOT going to fade any time soon probably.
Move on for your sake as far as any romantic relationship goes with this guy.
"Mind you his 35yrs of age and am 26, and he always says he has commitment issues from a past relationship."......Well, did he tell you this before or after the baby? He gave you alot of information in that one little sentence.
"The problem is he stay at home with his mother and brother and says that he takes care of them."......Another problem that is NOT going to fade any time soon probably.
Move on for your sake as far as any romantic relationship goes with this guy.
I think you should walk away from this guy, if at that point he decides to change, then you may have a chance, but i wouldn't raise my voice or my blood pressure trying to change something that i've known is a fact for three long years. Just walk. Get financial support and plan on including him in your child's life.
You haven't mentioned anything of your personal circumstances. How do you live, does he support you financially right now? Are you working? Are you going to school, or do you need to go to school to be able to provide properly for your baby and yourself? I certainly would not entertain the notion that I could be happy as a second priority to another man's family, and would be looking elsewhere for adult companionship. You must learn from this that you have not wisely chosen and be very careful that you learn from this and make sure that your next choice in companionship is a good one, for you and the baby.
Hopefully you can successfully co-parent, but I would be very sure in family counseling that you refuse to have your child be privy to negative cross talk form your boyfriend's mother. If and when your child tells you that this is happening, you'd better have a lawyer and a plan to stop visitation with the grandmother.
You haven't mentioned anything of your personal circumstances. How do you live, does he support you financially right now? Are you working? Are you going to school, or do you need to go to school to be able to provide properly for your baby and yourself? I certainly would not entertain the notion that I could be happy as a second priority to another man's family, and would be looking elsewhere for adult companionship. You must learn from this that you have not wisely chosen and be very careful that you learn from this and make sure that your next choice in companionship is a good one, for you and the baby.
Hopefully you can successfully co-parent, but I would be very sure in family counseling that you refuse to have your child be privy to negative cross talk form your boyfriend's mother. If and when your child tells you that this is happening, you'd better have a lawyer and a plan to stop visitation with the grandmother.
I agree with SM. This guy is not boyfriend material, let alone baby daddy material. I don't know why you hung around for those two years and then got pregnant when he clearly has his other as his sole priority.
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Was he this way when you started dating him? I'd not have found him to be an attractive boyfriend if that were the case nor would I have had a child with him. Sometimes we ignore things when dating that we shouldn't. I only mention this so that next time, you act on the red flags before it gets to this point.
I guess that it may be time to go ahead and declare this over and then petition for child support. I'd do what you can to encourage a relationship between he and your child as kids do deserve to have both parents (even though you can't make someone act like a dad sadly).
Sorry this is a rough one. I wish I could shake him and make him be a better dad. But you have to just deal with the reality of the situation,. good luck
I guess that it may be time to go ahead and declare this over and then petition for child support. I'd do what you can to encourage a relationship between he and your child as kids do deserve to have both parents (even though you can't make someone act like a dad sadly).
Sorry this is a rough one. I wish I could shake him and make him be a better dad. But you have to just deal with the reality of the situation,. good luck
I agree with wyrpamatz.
Your BoyFriend is no longer Your priority - Your Baby Girl is now Your priority and She doesn't need to see Her GrandMother disrespect Her Mother in this way!! I Know You are hurt by Your BoyFriends attitude and behavior but, He has chosen to be with His Mother and You must put Your Daughter first. Your Baby will NOT benefit in that home. You need to be the Best Mother You Can Be - You could not do that in such an unpleasant atmosphere and where You are so disrespected and I will stress again: Your Baby Does Not Need To See Her Mommy Treated With Disrespect - If You Cannot Understand This How Can You Expect Her To Grow Up Understanding This??
Your BoyFriend is no longer Your priority - Your Baby Girl is now Your priority and She doesn't need to see Her GrandMother disrespect Her Mother in this way!! I Know You are hurt by Your BoyFriends attitude and behavior but, He has chosen to be with His Mother and You must put Your Daughter first. Your Baby will NOT benefit in that home. You need to be the Best Mother You Can Be - You could not do that in such an unpleasant atmosphere and where You are so disrespected and I will stress again: Your Baby Does Not Need To See Her Mommy Treated With Disrespect - If You Cannot Understand This How Can You Expect Her To Grow Up Understanding This??
If you know that its not going to work out then why move in with him? Your baby is more important I don't think you should move in with him. If he's not 100% committed to you and the baby then its not going to work out. Just be there for your baby and I know it'll be hard to let him go. but its going to be for the baby.
good luck and best wishes to you and your baby.
good luck and best wishes to you and your baby.
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