Keep associating my brother with my boyfriend

[Nicoislove]

So they’re nothing alike other than build. My boyfriend is caring loving sweet and is just nothing like my brother who is horrible to me, closed off from everyone and just unhygienic and repulsive. They look nothing alike other than the build, they’re not even the same race. My boyfriend told me that I was always like a sister to him before we dated and that made me feel weird. I have unhealthy sexual thoughts, but the one before this was being cheated on. Made me feel awful but I got over it and it doesn’t excite me anymore. So I use to watch sexua videos with my brother next to me because I was 8 and we had to share the computer. I think this was probably damaging to do and I’m not sure but for some reason my brain fabricated a memory where we showed each other our privates. I know for a fact this did not happen. But now whenever I think about my boyfriend sexually my brothers name pops into my head. I’m horrified. When I talk to my boyfriend normally it doesn’t happen. I think I’ve made a connection in my brain by accident and being obsessive over it has set it in. It’s driving me CRAZY. I hate my brother and I don’t see why this is happening. I’ll be thinking about my boyfriend and suddenly I’m bamboozled with an image of my brother. I need help and advice to get rid of this. I’ve never had incest thoughts in my life before please help.

[specialmom]

I agree with anniebrooke.  You have extreme negative thoughts about your brother.  That's not typical unless some type of abuse happened and you may need to work through that.  You don't want your relationships to be affected and you want to be your best emotional self.  It's worth a little professional help to get there.

Andjdog429 does give a well known suggestion for eliminating negative thoughts. This does work for some people and worth a try.
good luck!

[jdog429]

i had thoughts that were   very impulsive but even though i am a teen boy i learned  one way from my therapist is putting a rubber band on my wrist and when i thought about them i had to snap it against my wrist

[AnnieBrooke]

Honey, I think in your shoes I would go see a therapist about the obsessive thoughts. Obviously you're a little out of the norm in thinking of forbidden or negative sexual things and not being able to get them out of your head, and a good therapist who works with obsessive-compulsive can really, really help. Ask your regular doc for a reference to someone good who deals with obsession and compulsion, and go see her. You have nothing to lose but your worries.

[Nicoislove]

The therapist is a bit extreme. I have to pay 200 dollars per session. But I got over it for the most part. Thanks tho

[Nighthawk61]

I'm confused, you "got over it " in 4 days since you wrote "You keep associated your brother with your boyfriend"? You've said you were "horrified" and it was "driving you "CRAZY" I know that you can do a lot of independent research on obsessive compulsive behavior, it might help. I also can imagine how it would really dampen my sexual experience if i had my brother's image pop into my head during sex and if i was serious about my relationship, i think you and your boyfriend are worth at least one session with a professional to find ways of combating this from happening.  Please know that your mental health is just as important to a health as your physical health. If you had a broken leg, only a doctor could fix it, and if after reading up all you can about this issue, or obsessive compulsiveness, you might invest in a session that could rid you of this very dark image.  Even ask your parents to help. I sure would help my son , no questions asked, if he told me he needed a few sessions with a therapist. I'd move mountains to help him and i would never expect him to talk about something that he found too personal to talk about to anyone but a therapsit (and this issue would qualify for that). If you have a family that loves and cares about you, that invested in everyday of your life since birth, please consider asking them to help you pay the cost to find help for this. You deserve to be free of this image. You deserve to be free of a brother that treated you poorly - I have one of those and i feel for you how bad this issue really is. You deserve whatever care it costs to have your best mental health.  

[Nighthawk61]

ps i made a mistake, i said "if you are serious about your relationship" that's wrong, so wrong. Your relationship with a man does warrant it being important enough to deal with through therapy to be sure, but if this was happening when you were alone, masterbating, (not saying you do or don't ) but if that were the case, it would still be worth you getting the help you need to rid youself of this disturbing imagery. I wish you success in releiving yourself of these images.

[Nighthawk61]

This is an example of what you'll find when researching intrusive thoughts,...


Remember that the content of your thought is irrelevant and you must apply the paradoxical approach to cope with them. If you try to engage your thoughts in any way—such as reasoning with them, pushing them away, altering your behavior to stay away from threatening situations—all these approaches will only serve to make them stronger and more intrusive. As with other forms of anxiety, your job is to do the opposite.


Steps for coping with Intrusive Thoughts

Label these thoughts as “intrusive obsessive thoughts.”
Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and you can safely ignore them.
Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind. Do not try to push them away.
Breathe diaphragmatically until your anxiety starts to go down.
Continue whatever you were doing prior to the intrusive thought.
Try Not To:

Engage the thoughts in any way.
Push the thoughts out of your mind.
Try to figure out what your thoughts “mean.”
Convince yourself that you would never do what the thoughts are saying.
Change your behavior so that you avoid the possibility of acting on your thoughts.
Try to:

Label your anxiety level and watch it go up and down.

Allow the thoughts to remain without hindrance. (They will go away on their own).
Focus on managing your anxiety in the present. Diaphragmatic breathing is especially helpful.

This approach can be difficult to apply. But if you can keep applying it for just a few weeks, there is an excellent chance that you will begin to see a decrease in the number and intensity of your intrusive thoughts.