Avatar universal

Was it something I said?

Please respond to this one. This is a bjillion percent legit. No one responds to my posts. Any more depressing LOL

Good morning or evening or day or night or afternoon ladies and gentlemen and hello. My name is Hamed Khatiz and I am a 16 year old writer, friend, drummer, student, band manager, mathematics hater and many more. My main message, however, concerns the friend part. Recently, I have come across a problem. My friend hates me. Her name is Sara and she seems to be incredibly uncomfortable when I am around. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me and didn’t talk to me unless she wanted to say something kind of rough. If she accidentally makes eye contact with me, she would look away and wipe the smile off her face. She loves my other friends, cause we are a group, there are three more, but she doesn’t seem comfortable with me around. I went to someone about it and she said that every relationship needs a break. So, I stopped hanging around at the basketball court and after about two weeks, not even that would work. What do I do? Because I have no idea what I did or said to make her feel so bad to be around me and it happens all the time. What do I do, what do I do and what could I have done to make her feel she can’t even look at me?

7 Responses
Avatar universal
Hamed, I'm no doctor.  I'm just an old dude whose been around the block a few times.  The information I am giving is based entirely on what you've written above, and is not meant to offend anyone.... okay?

Why is this girls friendship so important to you?  How will you benefit from this friendship?  Have you tried asking this girl about this problem, why she doesn't seem to like you?  If this person has what they consider a "legitimate" reason to not like you, could you handle knowing that?  

In other words Hamed, come right out and ask her what the problem is.  Instead of sitting and wondering, open the lines of communication.  The bottom line is, if she flat out tells you that she doesn't like you, and gives you a reason why.... you got what you needed in order to move forward.

You also need to know that you cannot control this person.  You cannot make her like you.  By asking her what the deal is, the worst that can happen is she tells you to buzz off and not give you a reason.  Yeah, that'll stink but at least you know where you stand.  And if she doesn't want anything to do with you, why sit and waste energy on someone who doesn't want anything to do with you?  

(When I was about your age, I played baseball.  It was really the only sport I was good at, and I got acknowledged for being that guy.  We had a kid on our team who was "cool", and I wanted to be friends with this guy.  I have no idea why, but I wanted him to accept me.  Eventually this kid came around and became my friend, but I have to tell you Hamed..... this kid was no where near as cool as I thought he was.  Not even close.  In fact, the guy was kind of a tool.... he was a spoiled brat who got everything he ever wanted from his parents and really didn't earn a thing except for his spot on the team.  He always tried to portray himself as better than anyone else.... that was not the case.  I quit wanting to hang around the kid when I discovered this...)

Relax a little bit man, and just ask this girl what the deal is.  If she tells you to buzz off, you're probably way better off.  If she tells you something that you can do or improve upon, get on that and get her friendship.

Being a kid your age is kind of tough.  You want folks to like you.  You want to be respected or acknowledged for your skills or whatever.  Some people just aren't going to go there man, and you're better off in the long run.  Be a kid man.... just have a blast with the people you enjoy being around the most.  Build life long relationships with those people.  Be there for them and they'll be there for you!
134578 tn?1614729226
Are you interested in her as a girlfriend and she does not want to go that route with you?  Waves of unrequited interest coming from your direction would make anyone self-conscious.
Avatar universal
No, I didn't want to have her as a romantic partner and never did. I never asked her about and never said anything at all. That's not it.
973741 tn?1342342773
I think in a non verbal way she is asking you to leave her alone.  You can ask her why or you could just do it.  If you see this pattern with multiple people in your life over the past and present--------  then look inward for something you may do that you aren't even fully aware of that is turning people off. Otherwise, this is just something to move on from.

Friendships can have an eb and flow meaning that they can be hot and heavy and then cool off.  Maybe you are just getting on her nerves right now.  This has happened to me before with different friends.  They ticked me off or were bugging me.  I just did my own thing and took a little break from them and then after a bit we went on like normal.  If I had made a huge deal out of it---------  I doubt we'd ever have moved past it.  Just give her some space and see if she gets over it.

I agree that you should relax.  And dude------  don't be a math hater.  At 16 if we tell ourselves that we hate math----  it becomes harder for us.  It is something the mind does.  Psychology says to tell young kids they are good at math so that they always believe that------ those kids end up having very little difficulty because they believe in themselves.  Learn to think of math as your friend--------  after all, you do a lot of it while you are drumming.  Just my two cents on that.  good luck
Avatar universal
Hey, people, thanks for all the comments. Firstly to AnnieBrooke, thanks you so much for your consideration and your support through this. Secondly to Mr Brice1967, you rock to the rock to the rock to the rock to the rock and that is why I chose you as my best answer. What position do you play. Her friendship is ridonkulously important to me because I spent a lot of my life being bullied and she was the first real friend. And finally to SpecialMom. I'm sure the name completely matches the personality and the capacity as a mother. I'll take on all of your advice and I would rather ask her why. But I still don't get it, she used to totally like me and stuff, Was it all just an act for over 8 months? Kind of frustrating, but thank you. And also, Mathematics is too logical for me! I love being creative, I am a bjillion percent right brained, that's just me. Plus I don't need it for criminal law necessarily. What's more, the General Mathematics Course which I am in at school is far too easy and has been covered in exhaustive detail in past years. And the Advance Course (the next level up), is too hard, which makes it very difficult to saty motivated.
Avatar universal
Hamed, thanks man.  I played 3rd base for the majority of my little career.  The last year I played Little League, I had a few college scouts looking at me....in high school, I just lost interest.  (Never had what it takes to be a pro... too slow.)  Oh well, such is life.

Let me say this too, in your above statement you asked "if it was all just an act".  In your situation, being bullied and the likes, this person may have just had enough of it and either stood up for you or wanted to show you that you were worth while and didn't need to stand for the bullying.  It is common for situations like this to be misunderstood.  I'd bet initially she had good intentions, but perhaps that was all.  Sometimes personalities just don't click...  For some, taking a passive approach, is the easiest way to go.  It is the path of least resistance.  Instead of telling you, "hey look man, I don't feel the same way for you and I think you feel for me".  Instead, they say nothing.  Either one of those is better than her coming out and being over aggressive.... there's an old saying revolving around the Buddhist religion.  "It is what it is".  I think this saying fits here.

I think the thing to do is be thankful that there are people out there like this girl.  Remember this always, and always be willing to lend a hand when necessary.  You might be the guy who changes someones life.... personally, I think you have that capacity.
134578 tn?1614729226
Thanks, Hamed; keep strong.  Life gets much better than it is in your teens, I am here to attest.  
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