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Avatar universal

We've been together for a year and havent had sex

Hello,

I was a little skeptical talking about this on a forum but I don't really know what to do so I am seeking some advice. I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 25. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and we have never had sex. When we first met we use to text each other sexual things and share naughty pictures, but that has stopped all together. My boyfriend is a virgin and I am not. I thought that because he is a virgin he might be scared or nervous so I didn't want to seem like I am trying to pressure him so I left it alone. But after a year of being together, it is really beginning to bother me. I am deeply in love with this man and I am very happy with him but we are missing one element in our relationship, Intimacy. We kiss a lot but when it comes to trying to have sex, it just doesn't happen. He has no problem giving oral sex and "touching" me. But that is all he seems to want to do. When I try giving him oral sex he doesn't stay hard or ejaculate. He does get hard but the problem is that he wont stay hard, and when he gets hard he doesn't even "try". I've tried to talk to him about it but he just gets really quiet and emotional. He says its not me and that I am a very beautiful girl and that he's masturbated and he doesn't seem to have trouble there and he says that he didn't think this would happen when he would finally have a girl. He's also said that he's worried that he wont be good enough (which is completely normal) I am sure this is embarrassing for him and I understand that. But I am confused and I feel super emotional about it all the time. Not sure if he realizes that this is really effecting me too. A MILLION things are always going through my mind. I've asked him if he could see a doctor so that we can make sure its not medical but he hates doctors and just says "what is a doctor going to tell me?" I've suggested taking some type of pill to keep him hard but he doesn't want to do that either. I would love to have a future with this man and I'm not sure if we will even be able to have children. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I agree that you could give him a chance to change, by accepting your terms that he have no porn or masterbation happening for 90 days.

Otherwise, if nothing changes, i would look at what you've described as sexual incompatibility and break up with him.
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134578 tn?1693250592
I would also guess gay, with a deep ambivalence about it or deep motivation to please his family by acting straight.  Don't plan your future with this guy, but stay his friend, it sounds like he will need friends when he finally straightens out what is bothering them and lives a life more to his pleasing.
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Avatar universal
Are you sure he's not maybe gay? It's not that uncommon and now that there's little to no stigma against gay people then it's a lot more common for people to be way more open about it than even 10-15 years ago.
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Avatar universal
Too much masturbation which is probably leading him watching too much porn.  Not to be mean but a virgin doesn't want to have sex that's just way too weird for me. I can guarantee you that he is watching porn and probably doesn't find sex interesting with you when he can watch all those women on screen. There is nothing to do with you because he probably watched before he meet you. I would ask him to stop watching porn and masturbate for 90 days. If he can't do or refuse to do it then you know where you are standing. Good luck to you. I have been there myself, right now we have been almost 3 years porn free.
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Avatar universal
Sounds like he has masterbated too much to porn OR on his own in my opinion.  

If he doesn't want to address the problem and/or doesn't see a problem then I can't see why you would continue to pursue this relationship.

All the best.
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Avatar universal
You are ignoring a Very Big Red Flag.  This is not going to 'resolve'  'on it's own' and if He's unwilling to seek therapy this issue will only magnify in time - You are not happy with the situation now, it will only worsen with time.

You say He has no problem giving oral sex, touching You or masturbating alone - are You certain there is not a porn addiction ? and if so, that too would probably call for therapy.  Porn addiction is a REAL addiction and does not 'just go away'.  If indeed it is porn addiction, it would behoove You both to read "Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson a physiology teacher.  You can find it on the web.

GoodLuck to You
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