What If?

[bunny37704]

Hi. My boyfriend proposed to me this year on my birthday. We have been together since 2005. At the time he was separated from his wife. When they got a divorce ,we moved in together in 2007. That same year ( I did not know), he cosigned for his wife at the time to get a car. Now he is getting court papers and all sorts of bills that they made together. When I asked him about it, he said that he was just trying to do the right thing and be a good person and he realize that he shouldn't have done it. I told him that when we get married, I don't want to be worried about him doing something for someone else or lying and saying "oh my wife.....she make me sick and then come home to me and say that he love me. We have been through a lot but he has been here the whole time.He is not abusive, he loves my kids. He goes to work and come home..this I know. When he is going somewhere, he always beg me to go with him. I love him so much. Every morning before he go to work he gives me a kiss...but what if?

[specialmom]

Londres has asked a good question, since the co signing for the car loan, has he done other things for her?  That was in 2007----  several years ago.  That she has defaulted on the loan or something like that and now he is having to figure out what to do is one of those things many don't think about when they are cosigning for something.  And don't hate her for it----  often times that isn't done maliciously but rather, perhaps his ex is having a bad financial time of it.  

Ya know, I'll say this at my peril-----  often, a woman and man split up and the man was the larger bread winner.  They were once a family and she entered into that not preparing to one day be on her own without a double income with her husband.  so, maybe that is why he helped her out.  As he'd already moved on and she needed some assisatence and he felt guilty.  I think someone with a big heart is actually a nice thing.  I can see that when it is your man helping another woman, that would be annoying, but he did this right after the divorce when it was all fresh.  

Do you feel he goes behind your back?  Well, you can talk to him about being equal partners and discussing things as a couple first.  Wouldn't that solve the problem from here on out?  You can then either be convinced or not about actions he wants to take but you get a say in them.  And he with you.  That makes for a solid partnership.  

You can't undo what he's already done but can move forward as a team.  good luck

[Londres70]

Your statement....."But what if?"   I am not exactly sure what your question is.  Unfortunately, there is NO way to predict exactly what will happen in the future 100% with this man or with anyone.

Are you worried he will still be doing things for or in essence involved with this ex-wife behind your back because he co-signed for a car for her in 2007?  

In regards to him getting the bills they made together....well, he is responsible for that dear.  He has to pay those.  The bills were created when they were married.  Correct?  What exactly are these "court papers" you are referring to?

Has he really done anything else other than co-signing for a car for his ex since 2007?  

Just confused to exactly what your question is.  

[ku111]

You guys have been together for a long time now and it seems things are progressing forward.  It also seems since this is a long time relationship, you have also really gotten to know him and who he really is.  I am sure he did have some things to wrap up and some loose ends in his marriage that ended.  Does he still have any ties to her?  Maybe at the time he felt guilty and did a nice gesture so he could move on with you?  I have been with my husband for 25 years and married 20 years next month.  I nor he has ever been perfect and we have learned throughout the years to never lie or hide from each other.  It was never anything very big but I think you are the only one that really knows him and hopefully he has learned a big lesson.  Did they have children together?  Hopefully, everything is on the table now and you can continue from here.  I think my marriage has lasted for a couple of rules we set early on, one, we never called each other names, two we told each other the truth (even if the other would be upset or mad) , three, we laugh and four, we never see each other as perfect-we all make mistakes but we learn from them.  Wishing you the best!