Aa
What To Do
So here comes a doozy of a question.
My wife and I have been separated for over a year (not legally - I moved out). The issues that lead to this decision was a number of arguments that resulted in fights. Nothing real physically, just throwing of things, extremely mean things said to one another (mainly by me) and this went on for most of our marriage and since we met. Throughout out relationship I often wondered if this was the right relationship (and marriage) for me. And I do mean often. Finally one argument too many and I decided that it was best that we went to neutral corners and I moved out. Since then, I have found myself talking to a number of woman (friends mainly) and eventually started to think of them in a slightly different way. It has now been a year of being separated and I have now slept with 4 different woman. I regret it afterwards, and always think of my wife and what have I done, however, when the opportunity arises, I find myself still cheating. I struggle with the question of "Do I love my wife" and I feel like I do. Especially when I see her. She is very attractive and has some very good qualities about her, however I am not sure if we are meant to be together. I feel confused, lost, stressed, like an a-hole, you name the emotion and I am feeling it. Now is the question if I continue with going as far as a divorce. A part of me wants her back, however I KNOW that if she knew that I cheated on her, she will not want me back. I just need some advice, similar stories, lectures, anything at this point.
Thanks
The Confused One!
My wife and I have been separated for over a year (not legally - I moved out). The issues that lead to this decision was a number of arguments that resulted in fights. Nothing real physically, just throwing of things, extremely mean things said to one another (mainly by me) and this went on for most of our marriage and since we met. Throughout out relationship I often wondered if this was the right relationship (and marriage) for me. And I do mean often. Finally one argument too many and I decided that it was best that we went to neutral corners and I moved out. Since then, I have found myself talking to a number of woman (friends mainly) and eventually started to think of them in a slightly different way. It has now been a year of being separated and I have now slept with 4 different woman. I regret it afterwards, and always think of my wife and what have I done, however, when the opportunity arises, I find myself still cheating. I struggle with the question of "Do I love my wife" and I feel like I do. Especially when I see her. She is very attractive and has some very good qualities about her, however I am not sure if we are meant to be together. I feel confused, lost, stressed, like an a-hole, you name the emotion and I am feeling it. Now is the question if I continue with going as far as a divorce. A part of me wants her back, however I KNOW that if she knew that I cheated on her, she will not want me back. I just need some advice, similar stories, lectures, anything at this point.
Thanks
The Confused One!
Agree with the above posters......therapy is in order BEFORE making any decisions about whether to go back home or to stay gone.
Hi.. I think that you should stay in therapy and really figure out what direction you want to go before trying to re establishing a relationship with your ex or moving on to something new. Keep working on yourself until everything becomes clear. YOU and WHAT YOU DO is all you can control...
Your leading by example and maybe your wife will follow suit.
Relationships /marriages take alot of work. With effort I hope you can find your way back to the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place.
Please keep us posted.
Best of luck to you!
Your leading by example and maybe your wife will follow suit.
Relationships /marriages take alot of work. With effort I hope you can find your way back to the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place.
Please keep us posted.
Best of luck to you!
Thanks Pamela for the response. I totally agree that a variety of therapy is needed for me and I have started seeing someone as of last week. As each day passes by, I feel like I am totally losing my mind. Do I love, Do I hate her, Do I want her, Am I better off without her? I have no idea what to do and I feel like I am completely losing my mind. I am praying that things get better soon. Thanks again for the response
Hi there.
My first idea is that even before you consider re establishing a relationship with your estranged wife, there needs to be an intervention of sorts.
Without the respect for one another's feelings, you'll both just fall back into old habits & hurt one another.
For your part, you could find & attend anger management classes. This will be of benefit to you for new relationships or reconciliation with your estranged
Wife. Pamela
My first idea is that even before you consider re establishing a relationship with your estranged wife, there needs to be an intervention of sorts.
Without the respect for one another's feelings, you'll both just fall back into old habits & hurt one another.
For your part, you could find & attend anger management classes. This will be of benefit to you for new relationships or reconciliation with your estranged
Wife. Pamela
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