What do I do now?

[veggielover]

So, recently my boyfriend has made me realize what a horrible girlfriend I am and now I'm questioning the stability of our relationship. We have been pretty rocky for the past month and I think it's all my fault. We were talking about why our relationship seems like its going downhill and he goes "when was the last time you initiated a makeout session?" It really made me think. Its true. I am rarely ever the one to initiate any intimacy. I don't know if its me being too shy or self-conscious to initiate anything or if maybe subconsciously I'm not really into him. I feel really bad about this because this is the one thing that I knew would ruin our relationship: My super-low self confidence. If I were more confident I think it would be easier for me to come on to him, but since I always feel ugly or overweight, I never seen to gain the courage to do anything. But when he comes on to me I'm really excited about that because its like "Oh yay, he's still into me, phew." But now I'm thinking I can't leave all the work to him. I asked him what I could do and at this point he said "I'm so over sex right now because I feel like I have to do all the work and now I'm not even in the mood." So this made me feel really bad because I never thought it would get this bad. Some guys like to be the one in control, but I guess he doesn't. I would like to work up the courage to be more in control too, but I don't even know where to start now. I feel really discouraged. Anyone else ever had this problem? I would love any advice. Thank you.

[mamabalas]

I think you're right on the money that he may not be that great.  If you have some issues with self esteem, a guy who is a bit cold isn't going to help that at all.   If he isn't willing to accept any blame for issues now, this will be a major problem down the line.  Every story has two sides.  I think you would flourish with someone who appreciates you more than your current bf.  Good luck to you.

[veggielover]

This guy is making me feel terrible about myself. He's not admitting that maybe he's part of the problem too.

In response to mamabalas:
Yes, when he comes on to me I am very responsive because I'm usually in the mood and sort of waiting for him to do something. And yes, this is one of our biggest issues. He's not the most approachable guy, even after knowing him for 5 months and being together for almost 3 months, I'm still not completely comfortable around him. He's very stand-offish a lot of the time which makes me feel intimidated and as if he's not into me.

Anyway, I really appreciate your responses. I think he is sort of bringing me down instead of making me feel better and I would really like to feel better about myself. Maybe the first step is realizing he isn't as great as I think he is and moving on? I don't know. It would be great to fix things and make it better, but we will see. Things can either go up or down from this point.

[mamabalas]

I agree with Jo that it would be great to work on your self esteem.  However, not initiating a make out session DOES NOT make you a terrible girlfriend.  Many people, male and female are uncomfortable initiating physical contact.  This can be a small problem, but most people wouldn't say it puts them off of sex completely.  How very insensitive of your bf to say that to you.  It sounded to me that you are very responsive to him when he does come on to you.  Is this the case?  

You could start off small, just a peck on the cheek, or a small kiss.  But, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.  Is this the only issue the two of you have?  If so, I think he is placing a bit too much emphasis on your not initiating physical contact.  You may be better off with someone who understands you.  Remember, you are beautiful, and you deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are, good and bad.  By the way, I don't consider not being the one to initiate things bad.  Good luck to you.

[jo929]

Join some of the classes where the peo;ple work on their self esteem, and remember if you do not love yourself then no one else will, also remember you are just as good as the next person, just get some books on self esteem and work at it, not just for pleasing your boyfriend do it for yourself  luck  jo