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What should I do? I'm worried...

Ok. Well first of all, I'm young, but I hope this doesn't make my situation any less important.

I have a girlfriend right now who I've been with for 10 months. We took things very fast and now it's pretty serious. However, I'm afraid that I might have been lying to myself to make her seem more important. You see, I've never really had any luck with girls or relationships, so when I met a girl who was attracted to me, (somehow attracted enough to break up with her boyfriend of 18 months,) I jumped on the opportunity. Unfortunately, she wasn't very attractive to me. I mean, physically she's beautiful. But she's just so languid and uninteresting.

This is where I went wrong. When I first started to spend time with her, I would lie to myself about her. I wouldn't accept the fact that she's just boring. I'd call her "mysterious." I'd try not to care that we had virtually nothing in common. I told myself that it would be fun to get into the things that she likes. (Michael Jackson, sex, TV, and more sex.) That's actually no fun at all. MJ *****, TV gives me chronic migraines, and I'm asexual. But, in a desperate attempt to make the relationship work, I did all these things anyway.

Long story short, she's the worst kind of person, hates everything I do or like, has a wretched family, is against everything I believe in, has no compassion or understanding, and is a sex addict.
But... I've been with her for so long, and I've done so much with her, and I tried so hard for so long to make the relationship work, that I love her beyond a doubt. And I know that if I ever left, she'd be terribly heartbroken.

Ok, now it gets even worse. I met a girl in an art class I'm taking, and she is just the most perfect girl I've ever met. She is absolutely beautiful, dresses so lovely (reminiscent of the 20s,) is an exceptional artist, loves the same kinds of music, loves to listen to stories and music recommendations (I love telling stories and sharing new music, but my girlfriend hates this and won't even listen to me when I try,) cares about the same issues and topics, is such a magnificent writer, has a great family, is kind and sweet, and oh so very considerate. I've been interested in her for about 5 months now, and we're both very much attracted to each other. I write to her constantly and I've confessed my feelings for her. She did the same, and now we're basically in a sort of secret relationship. A strictly non-physical kind. I've never touched her, except a hug. But please don't think I'm a scumbag for this just yet. Let me explain...

At the time of us first getting to know each other, my girlfriend and I were in a lot of trouble. We were always fighting and she was never happy with me. I struggled so hard to keep the relationship together. So to meet someone so wonderful who is so nice and caring, I felt so much better. We had the idea to do exactly as my girlfriend did when she broke up with her boyfriend for me. I was going to end our weakening relationship to start one with this girl. It would've gone swell, but out of nowhere my girlfriend just started acting SO nice to me. Shes currently so kind and caring and never mad, exactly what I always wanted from her. If I break up with her now, it'll kill her, which would kill me. But if I don't break up with her, the other girl will feel used and heartbroken, and I'd feel horrible still. And I'll miss my opportunity with such a wonderful person. Plus, I connected with her so perfectly, and I truly feel like I might be in love with her. But, I'm still love my girlfriend so deeply.
Also, I'm seriously planning on art school in the near future, and my girlfriend has told me before that she wouldn't leave our hometown, and that she couldn't handle a long distance relationship. The other girl is considering art school as well, and does just fine long distance, since we aren't looking for a fully physical relationship. So long term, our relationship might undo itself.
Ugh, sorry for being so long-winded, but... what should I do? It's killing me
3 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, the thing about dating is that it isn't just something to do but is supposed to serve a purpose.  It is how you get to know if someone is a good match for you and if you should take the relationship to the next level.  Not everyone is a match.  Not every relationship should continue.  You've made it clear here that your girlfriend, while you love you, isn't a good match.  Different iterests, no real attraction, she has personality flaws that are now making you unhappy.  These are reasons to break up and good ones.  Do HER a favor and break it off so she can find a better match for herself as she too deserves to be with a guy that she is better suited for.  

Once you break it off with her, you can then pursue whomever you want to.  I wouldn't start anything at all up with the girl in art class until you're officially broken up and a couple of weeks AT LEAST have passed.  

You can love and care for someone that isn't meant to be your signgicant other.  I think that is the case here.  good luck
Avatar universal
Agree with SM.
Avatar universal
Me too (agree w/SpecialMom)
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